tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50996792024-03-08T07:17:41.843-05:00I Hate YouA detailed account of my public disdain for all peoples and things.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger417125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1148510243134334152006-05-24T18:21:00.000-04:002006-05-24T18:37:23.410-04:00She deflowered me (I suppose the same applies to her about me)I ran into my ex-girlfriend's (#1 out of 2) father yesterday. We exchanged pleasantries for several minutes; he then mentioned how his daughter had moved and was having difficulty finding a teaching position. He failed to mention why she had moved: the ex had gotten married a couple years ago. I am not sure if he failed to bring up her husband or marriage to spare my feelings or to simply preventUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1141780561167760172006-03-07T20:00:00.000-05:002006-05-17T00:16:39.746-04:00Retarded Man-Child or Man-Who-Talks-With-Ass Jim Carrey might be a better actor (a big MIGHT), but Adam Sandler's work has now been referenced by a federal judge. Odoyle rules!gthUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1141502746523995932006-03-04T14:35:00.000-05:002006-03-04T15:05:46.536-05:00Should Have Bites and Retarded FootballRobert Horry, the single greatest clutch shooter without the initials MJ, decided to take a little nip out of his competition. The replay shows he didn't actually bite down; in fact, it appears he didn't even really gum his opponent. Apparently it is hard to target another large, sweaty man in the midst of a two team tangle up. Mr. Clutchtastic has been Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1141461489949442062006-03-04T03:28:00.000-05:002006-03-04T03:38:09.960-05:00Andy, Say It Ain't So...Say It Ain't So, YOU STUPID FAT FUCKAndy Milonakis is going on thirty? If this is true--and if Wikipedia and IMDB say so, you know it has to be possibly-almost-maybe-who-knows true--then I am done. I am actually invested in Andy being an offensively stupid teenager; the world will be somehow less vibrant if it turns out he is a man-child pimping his cursed existence for Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1141250310874980572006-03-01T16:54:00.000-05:002006-03-01T16:58:30.886-05:00Human Garbage Disposal 1, Humanity 0Shoot this mother fucker in the head, burn his corpse and spread his ashes over a trash dump. gthUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1141014220829294492006-02-26T23:20:00.000-05:002006-03-03T14:44:31.996-05:00Not Enough Caffeine and Too Much J.R.R.You ever wake up and just want to hit somebody in the face? Me too, though the real question is: have you ever woken up and wanted to eviscerate a smarmy elf? Really? I am the only one?gthUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1140644629630538872006-02-22T16:28:00.000-05:002006-02-26T22:14:48.046-05:00If Vaginas Could TalkDuring my daily anthropological study of the human condition--watching The Maury Povich Show--I witnessed a very disturbing commercial. It was one of the most horrific scenes that I have ever witnessed. My mind, disturbed as it is, could not grasp the nightmarish landscape presented in the thirty second spot. Vaginal Menopausal Atrophy Study flashed across the screen, below Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1140634210963736562006-02-22T13:43:00.000-05:002006-02-22T14:53:09.253-05:00Attack of The Conservative DeadI am deeply enamored with Ann Coulter. She is witty, brilliant and a total bitch; three must-have qualities in a woman. However, this is not a flattering picture of Ann at her recent speaking engagement at Denison. I honestly don't believe this is the best photo avaliable to The Newark Advocate, one might even argue they purposely used an unflattering image--then Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1139975867441957622006-02-14T22:56:00.000-05:002006-02-14T22:57:47.453-05:00Even the whores objectAbsolute awesome personified.gthUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1139954967085888032006-02-14T16:59:00.000-05:002006-02-14T17:09:27.096-05:00Lupercalia and the bloody goatsHappy Valentine's Day. I am alone, embittered and bemoaning my lonely, bitter existence. In other words, it is like any other days but with chocolate. I hope everyone has a special someone to hold tight tonight, it is good to have someone to love, be it on this day or any other. Just remember: statistics suggest that you or your loved one has cheated, is cheating orUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1137215807177505232006-01-14T00:00:00.000-05:002006-01-14T00:16:47.196-05:00I don't know what the fuck I am writing aboutPlease keep in mind that I am not a theoretical physicist and have read absolutely nothing about the subject, so the following is complete and utter bull-shit--which is pretty much par for the course on here. Time and space are indivisible concepts, each working on a sort of planar logic. Neither is linear, though it is impossible to categorize them Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1132956965994918032005-11-25T16:44:00.000-05:002005-11-25T21:02:06.550-05:00You should give thanks for reading this entryThe turkey has been cooked, digested and defecated by this point, though not necessarily in that order. Thanksgiving is supposed to be about giving thanks for what we have; in reality it is a day dedicated to overeating and sitting on ones ass--you would think this would qualify as a my favorite holiday, but the truth is that every day is Thanksgiving Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1132720074314947162005-11-22T22:42:00.000-05:002005-11-22T23:27:54.326-05:00A person with an antisocial personality disorder, manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse.Dear MTV,You have done it again. The recent season of The Real World, while not necessarily the best, continues to demonstrate your dedication to high quality television--Fights, sex, more fights, crying, bitching, lying, incarceration and Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1132641678967221422005-11-22T01:30:00.000-05:002005-11-25T17:38:13.980-05:00Artificial Shortages Are Fun.Don't miss out on the XBox 360. It will only be available for the next week; afterwards the system will never be sold again. The schematics are scheduled to be locked in a time capsule which is being launched into space. So, again, buy it now or not at all.By the way, I understand the desire to go to a store twelve hours before a product is actually going on sale; Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1132458245906927532005-11-19T22:07:00.000-05:002005-11-19T22:46:51.983-05:00But I am a man.I have a canker sore; it is located on the underside of my tongue. Bob has never before been blessed with a mouth ulcer, though I do find it preferable to the herpes simplex virus. Medical science is unable to adequately explain the "why me and not you, bitch" of canker sores. However it is accepted science that women are more likely to experience acid-eating-me-from-the-inside-outUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1132382094338490652005-11-19T01:17:00.000-05:002005-11-19T01:37:17.053-05:00Jesus Sort Of Likes Halo 2This is the only place for video game reviews. Take a look at the highest rated game of all time--it is a must buy. Just remember: God is good and Buddhism isn't so peachy keen (see the conclusion of the review.)Go To HellUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1132291065224315872005-11-17T23:26:00.001-05:002005-11-18T00:17:45.226-05:00Three Events United Only By My Fat AssI just finished eating an entire 16" pepperoni and mushroom pizza; shortly thereafter I topped it off my midnight hour meal with a quart of egg nog. The stomach has begun it's final countdown sequence, total and utter destruction is imminent. Of course, I can at least find consolation in the knowledge that my valve will never truly be closed again, instead itUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1132010864965770382005-11-14T17:20:00.000-05:002005-11-15T01:12:37.470-05:00I am declaring a fatwa: Death to Alltel.I accept that local utility monopolies don't give two shits about the consumer, it is literally their way or the anal reaming, or As Helen Keller once grunted, "Life is not fair." So I am fairly tolerant when comes to be mistreated by public utilities. However, at some point even tolerance must give way to absolute and irrevocable hate. My phone bill Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1131938875932470852005-11-13T21:38:00.000-05:002005-11-13T22:27:55.946-05:00Know when to fold'em.Texas Hold'em is hard. The game has entirely too many human variables--i.e. is he bluffing, does she have a set, and the thought most frequenting my mind, I am hungry. Also, I have a complete inability to calculate hand permutations; math is for losers with future prospects. Friday night I went against my better judgment and attempted to play in game with a few friends. Nine Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1131584364720431802005-11-09T18:53:00.000-05:002005-11-11T14:21:38.333-05:00Another reason to stay in bedI came into work fairly late. It seems that fourteen hours of sleep just doesn't do it for me. At approximately 10:00 am, I heard a knocking at my door. I acknowledged it for a moment then drifted off to slumber. An hour later, due more to a lack of gastral constraint than anything else, I woke up and called mom at the shop. She seemed genuinely upset, I feared the Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1131493740039794132005-11-08T17:44:00.000-05:002005-11-09T03:58:40.580-05:00Park Place Antiques TheaterPresents: The case for femicideWoman: Can I see that pin.Me: This pin?Woman: No, not that one. I want the one shaped like butterfly.Me: Ok, here you go.Woman: Could you take less? (The pin's price: $2.00)Me: I can't really discount items below $10.00.Woman: Well...I don't want it then. How about I give you $1.00 for it.Me: I thought you didn't want it.Woman: I don't Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1131426182223411822005-11-07T23:14:00.000-05:002005-11-08T00:24:19.833-05:00Two posts in one day. Wow, I must be really bored. I am a digital voyeur. Trust me the title sounds a lot more interesting than it really is. I don't place cameras in women's restrooms, I don't peek through windows at the neighbor's teenage daughter, if only my disorder was so visually fulfilling. Real voyeurs (Did I just write "real voyeurs," it is a sad day when you can't even claim the Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1131410620741200632005-11-07T17:28:00.000-05:002005-11-08T00:23:39.753-05:00This rambling mass of text contains a ton of errors and isn't worth reading--Guaranteed!A lot has happened in the world since my last post, here is a rundown of the relevant events: Bush created a hurricane that only targeted poor black folk, which is even more extraordinary when you consider that Bush was the cause of all black poverty in the first place; I gained another fifteen pounds and tookUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1125716945758290462005-09-02T22:58:00.000-04:002005-09-02T23:09:05.763-04:00 Duh, doh, chocolate is like an enzyme enhanced mouseEarlier tonight, I watched Forrest Gump. It made me cry and reaffirmed itself as one of the greatest motion pictures ever, at least in my mind's eye. Again, I am not sure why. I could have a fetish for retarded protagonists, really, would that be too suprising? It is a much better line of rationale than the alternative: I am a bit retarded,Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099679.post-1125571335644759142005-09-01T06:06:00.000-04:002005-09-01T06:42:15.650-04:00 Retarded People Have Feelings TooIt is 6:06 am and I am crying between bouts of laughter. I just finished Flowers for Algernon, and, to say the least, it had quite an impact on little ole me. It isn't the best book ever written, nor would I qualify it as a personal favorite, but for whatever reason, it moved me like no other book. In the last year I have read Siddhartha, Confederacy of DuncesUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0