Another fun filled weekend that will ultimately end with me ordering a pizza and watching late night horror flicks. I am really getting fat. I took a picture today and was horrified to see Quasimotto staring back. My rapid descent into morbid obesity has become an obstacle. You see I am getting really lonely and find myself staring off into space dreaming of being held by a non-hairy woman. So I am a hopeless romantic or just really hard up for a piece of puntang. Either way my basketball head and Volkswagonesque ass is preventing a healthy dating life. In fact I have no prospects at the current time. Now some of you would point out that my pleasant disposition and vivacious personality should suffice in attracting a women. Obviously you folks are assholes who think themselves funny. At best I am an introvert, and at worst a delusional narcissist. Basically not the guy you take home to see the parents, though possibly the guy who cuts the parents lawn.

Anyway fat-ass here is off to watch a B grade horror film

have a great weekend

no, scratch that

and

go to hell

I hate menial work, as it goes against my delicate sensibilities. Also, it seems my hate extends to those who work at these plebian jobs. Apprently those who make minimum wage are unhappy with their shitty lot in life. Since they are making so little money in such piss ass-backwards vocation these pug faced monkeys believe it is their right to do a lackluster job. The fast food industry is a perfect example. First disregard the 16-18 year old worker, who by definition does a bad job due to their acne puss seeping into their brains. Yet, everyone else at these establishments, including the management, take it upon themselves to disregard orders, give extremely poor customer service and frequently containment the food ( i.e. spitting, defecting, stirring the soup with the penis. all true verified examples). I owe a good bit of my girth to the fast food industry, so one could call me an expert in this field, at least from the customer perspective. I performed an experiment this week, which consisted of eating two meals a day at various fast food locales and seeing how often they delivered my order correctly. Eight trips and five orders wrong later I have concluded that anyone over 18 years of age working in a McDonalds, Wendys, Burger King etc. should be shot in the head. Now let me clarify what I mean by shot. They need to take a loaded 12 gauge shotgun put the barrel in their mouth point at the 60 degree angel and pull the trigger. There is virtually no chance of survival and even those who do will be hooked up a ventelation machine wearing Depends for the rest of their lives. Either way it works out best for everyone involved.


if you have a problem with today's apt assessment

you are a walking, talking example of why we have birth control


and you should

go to hell

Not much to talk about today. I am physically and mentally exhausted from last night. Though I would like to comment on the folks who are using my comments to comment to one another. From this point on please direct all comments to me. I am getting jealous of the love that Travis is getting here on my site. Feel free to give him love here.

so have a nice day

and

go to hell

Buffy is over. Seven years I have enjoyed this show and now it is officially done. As with any good story the ending left more questions then answers and thank God it allowed for numerous spin-off possibilities. However, there will never be another Buffy Summers. Sarah Michelle Gellar played a character whose very existence was laughable but nonetheless made it work. Whether she was killing a vampire, talking with friends or suffering from simple teenage angst the character seemed real. In fact the entire cast, from bit players, to the core three of AH, NB, and SMG were able to create a believable story. There is no higher compliment to offer a story be it book, TV. show, or movie then to say I empathized with the characters and even grew to love them. I loved this show and am not ashamed to admit relating to a story about an ex-cheerleader turned vampire slayer. It was, is and always will be an incredible story.


Thank you Miss Summers

It was a wonderful run

your fan,

bob

btw if you didn't like Buffy and/or think the above post is stupid

GO TO HELL AND EXPECTED TO BE FLOGGED BY A LEGION OF TWO TONGUED ALBINO SEA MONKIES

I have been up for over 24 hours spending time with an old love. There is something that I need to share with everyone. It is something I have tried to hide for over a decade. Each of us have terrible, dark, often sexually exploitative secrets. Well, mine is no different. I am a nerd. Though not a "hip" nerd like those fellows from the movies, no I am just a pathetic dork. I enjoy reading fantasy novels, and often find myself daydreaming about alternate realities where dragons rule the sky and men walk alongside Gods. Furthermore I like playing role playing games, though only on the computer or console system because I am not a total dork. Also, Dragonball Z is my favorite cartoon, followed closely by the Power Puff girls. You see I am a huge dork and am damn proud of it. The pretty people of the world can have their friends, parties, jobs, and sex lives. I, for one, am happy to lounge around in my underwear reading Lord of the Rings while Blossom is pummeling Mojo JoJo in the background. And with that profound personal admission let me give special acknowledgment to a lovely reader of mine. Her perverse and peculiar fascination with Elf on Hobbit sex made it easier to accept my inner-nerd.

All you popular and beautiful people

I am so jealous of you

and thats why

you can

go to hell and/or let me hang out with you

"You need to see a fucking psychiatrist" Upon hearing these poignant words from my father it became abundantly clear that I needed to seek professional help. There is a little sadness associated with being diagnosed as crazy by my father, though I am fairly sure his analysis is right on. Seeing a mind-fucker, i.e. voodoo head doctor, is a scary proposition. I find no fault with those who are treated by the pseduo-erikson's of the world but personally it never seemed a good fit in my life. I had always hoped to be considered clown crazy, perhaps evil genius sort of mad or a sexual deviant nut....well one out of three ain't so bad. Anyway, looks like my family isn't so keen on having a manic depressive lunatic.

what is a crazy guy to do?

eat a package of Oreos?

chew on my toenails?

or should I catalog a list of hated persons, and then formulate the most effective way to torment the people on the aforementioned list using only nail clippers and Oreo's.


no matter what

go to hell

I am spending a Friday night watching Howard Stern on the E channel.



FUCK YOU

and if you happen have two X chromosomes

i hate you very much.

due to your vile, cheating ball busting natures

Giving up the rib was a real bad call.

thanks Adam


go to hell

My mood is sour, due in great part to a gastric problem. As it were shitty sums up my last couple days. I am lonely, bitter, unemployed and living in a trailer. Worst of all Buffy is leaving on Tuesday, a few short days from now. Perhaps the weekend will lift my mood, though probably not. Usually I jest when wishing your descent into raging infernos of hell, however today I am not kidding

so go kill yourselves

and

go to hell

I went to two interviews today. How proud my parents were to see their little boy all dressed up heading to a professional interview. For a moment I actually was proud. Of course, as usual, that feeling soon turned to apathetic disgust. It turns out that both jobs were simply fronts for a door-door scam that requires 60 hour work weeks and fully commissioned based income. Basically unless you hold a knife to the potential clients throat, and/or threaten to rape their grandparents, you will make jack squat. I was beginning to day dream about having a career, moving into a non-wheel based home, and having an overall great life. But I will be damned if the bitter cold of reality didn't hit me square in the nuts. Needless to say today was a wash.

everyone has work success

i hope you

go to hell

A couple weeks ago I dedicated myself to gaining a hundred pounds and fullfilling my destiny to be a morbidly obese asshole. Well folks I am twenty-five percent of the way there, as I have gained a prodigious amount of weight in these short weeks. Yet, I am ashamed to admit that doubt has crept into my swollen heart. Being gravity challenged most of my life I am quite familiar with the pros and cons associated with gluttony. And, even though there is many benefits to shameless stuffing ones face, there is one negative that I am not overly fond of. You see when one gains weight quickly, the skin is often unable to stretch quickly enough which in turn leads to stretch marks. Now, since I have been blessed with a stomach reminiscent of an 11 month overdue pregnant ladies, there is already a lot of stretching present. However, in the last year when I lost a considerable amount of weight, the marks had become docile and lost that red flare. Now, they are very noticeable, which is acceptable, but also god awfully painful. Earlier today I vowed to end my indulgent ways. Of course four hours later I ate 4 pieces of KFC, two rolls butter dipped rolls and drank three sodas. It seems that my course is set, pain be damned.

By the way if you happen to see me shirtless this summer, feel free to laugh

because you can

go to hell