I came to a very valuable conclusion this morning while delivering "antique" furniture to an elderly person. Time is the most precious commodity, especially my time. Due to the ineptitude of my father/Stalin/boss I had to drive across town multiple times for an otherwise simple delivery. He had forgotten to take down the gentleman's phone number, which is problematic when you are hours late in delivering the merchandise. No about the man would be gone but to appease my father I delivered it all the same. Luckily today I had a helper, who must be Yosemite Sam's real life counterpart. And, like the beloved Warner character he is very two dimensional and lacking any intelligence whatsoever. All in all the numerous trips to and fro were a wonderful experience, slightly less agonizing then having a rusted fork inserted in your rectum. Onto my revelation.

Time is truly precious. However what you do with said time is not really important. Whether one spends it working with the handicap or stuffing their face with Taco Bell is of little consequence. What matters is controlling ones time. Choosing the tempo of the day is where the value comes from. One minute of my day is priceless. Granted several thousand dollars a week would cushion the loss, but does it really?

Let’s say you work at a company doing a job you detest and make "good" money. For simplicities sake lets say $50,000 a year, which is several thousand dollars above the national average. Also, to stay away form any moral obligations to family, you are single as well. Now imagine you are working in a boring, meaningless job that offers nothing save for a steady paycheck. You work a mandatory forty hour week, and are obligated to attend an occasional conference. Over the course of the next year you will spend at the very minimum 2,080 hours at work. Converting your salary to an hourly wage comes up with roughly $24.38 an hour. Of course this is before taxes. Using a very conservative estimate of thirty-five percent going to Social Security, Federal, State and Sales taxes you are actually left with $32,500 in salary or $15.62 am hour.

Since you have a fairly good job it is necessary to drive a reasonably nice car so you splurge a little and get a $30,000 SUV resulting in a monthly payment of circa $500.00. Full coverage insurance runs around $250.00 per quarter. Due to a horrific roommate experience in college you opt to live alone in a 1 bedroom studio apartment. Rent is $550.00 a month. Essential utilities, i.e. water, gas, and a telephone run on average $75.00 per month. To keep costs down you forgo a girlfriend and instead get the full service cable package, including high speed internet access and cinamax. Cost is nearly $100.00 a month. Obviously you need a cell phone, with lots of minutes since it is necessary to talk incessantly on the phone while driving, eating and picking your ass. The plan costs $40.00 a month. Since you are single and tired from working a long a day you order out quite a bit leading to a $300.00 monthly food budget. Due to the immense generosity of your company health/dental/eye coverage is include in your salary with relatively low co-pay. Still it does add up to nearly $500.00 per year due to your childhood addiction to an asthma inhaler.

I am going to assume you are like me and have no social life other then the occasional movie therefore your luxury budget will be paltry $700.00 a year. By the grace of God credit cards have never been an attraction so you have no high interest debt. Of course you do owe $40,000 in student loans because your parents were cheap bastards. Wanting to eliminate the debt as soon as possible you pay in $5000.00 a year. The cost for all these life essentials is $25,980. Subtract that from your final gross income and you are left with a little over $6500. Divide that up by the number of hours worked and you get $3.14 an hour. That is the real wage you earn after calculating in all the junk that comes with having a $50,000 salary.

By the way don't tell me that the above figures are inflated, because I was low balling throughout, if anything the costs should be higher.

The point of the above exercise was to demonstrate what you really get in exchange for your time. Sure a nice cushy desk job paying nearly a $1000.00 a week sounds great but don't forget the hidden costs, in particular what it takes to maintain the job. Realistically a human being could live on much less but that isn't going to happen, the more you make means the more you spend. The problem is that the ratio between time and money earned is heavily skewed in favor of time spent rather then money gained. My time is worth much more then a measly $3.00 an hour.

Then again I live off the fruit of my parent's loins

Today's lesson: Never move away from home or strive for any professional success as it is ultimately fruitless and a waste of time. In other words be like Bob.


and remember my motto

go to hell

I can't think of anything worthwhile to bitch about today. Maybe the Sabbath has rubbed off on me. Who the fucking Christ knows?

The weekend has been fairly unexciting due to my antisocial tendencies. I have read three books thus far, about to start on number four so at least it has been stimulating on a cognitive level. Of course Dean Koontz will never be confused with Hemmingway so maybe it has been a bust intellectually as well. Though I did do one thing of note this weekend. My seven year old brother let me play his new video game. Many parent groups, and quite a few high ranking politicians, i.e. Joe Lieberman, have denounced this game. I guess they think playing it will lead to antisocial, violent tendencies. Well, I am already set there so what harm could it do me. Of course my little bro shouldn't be playing it but my parents are retarded when it comes to the little hellion so what can you do.

Anyway, the first thing I decided to do in this sprawling virtual world was beat down a couple female bystanders. Then I proceeded to shoot random people as they passed by. I started to giggle. Five minutes into my virtual homicidal rampage I quietly handed the control over to my brother with a sad smile on my face. GTA Vice City is meant for mature audiences, and oddly enough that doesn't include me. Hopefully devil spawn will handle the virtual power better or at least not partake in senseless violence with such glee.



Anyway I am off to do some heavy reading.


go to hell

There is a "Strawberry Festival" downtown, near where I work, which brought out the
local yokels in full force. I joke about living in a city full of degenerate simpletons but I
always felt these folks were the exception not the rule. As usual my optimism was
unfounded. My hometown must be located at the epicenter of the ignorant poor white
trash population and/or the gates of hell.

Walking amongst the concessions stands and carnival rides was a surreal experience. I was bombarded with alien sights and sounds that could have been taken straight from a H.P. Lovecraft story. Misshapen creatures,covered in strange symbols, who spoke in guttural voices, surrounded me. Every instinct told me to escape or least I lose my sanity. I knew these "things" were not inter-dimensional monstrosities seeking global annihilation, no the truth was much worse. They were my fellow citizens, the people who shared my place of birth. Evil has many faces but its most frightening would have to be a 400 lb. drunken hick woman who was covered in prison style tattoos. She smiled at me. I knew true and absolute fear.


I have tried to fight them for nearly 23 years but perhaps it was all for naught. I live in a
trailer, am unemployed and well on my way to morbid obesity.


He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if
you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
Friedrich Nietzsche

I am functionally retarded when it comes to mathematics. After a preliminary interview with a Devry admissions councilor, I opted to take the entrance exam. I figured how hard could it be. The test was divided up into two parts with each having a thirty minute time limit. The English language skills and reading comprehension section was easy and took a grand total of twelve minutes to complete. I missed one reading comp. question that was improperly phrased so it shouldn't have counted. Anyway, the math part comes next. Jesus H. Fucking Holy Christ Almighty I never felt so dumb in my life. The councilor told me it covered "college level math". Sadly, my grasp of mathematics is equivalent to a dyslexic Amish boy who suffers from Downs Syndrome. To make a long story short, I guessed on virtually every god damn question. The only thing I was sure of was my name and honestly if I hadn't filled that out first thing it would probably been wrong. This was legitimately the first time in sixteen years of test taking that I felt stupid. As fate would have it I did squeak by with a 24/40, meeting the minimum requirements.

Of course my deficiency in this area is not my fault, instead the blame falls on the assortment of big breasted girls who sat by me in math class since 7th grade. Every year I sat behind, beside or otherwise uncomfortably near a young lady with full, luscious boobies. The choice between paying attention to the quadratic equation and day dreaming about stuffing my fat face between those heavenly mounds was non-brainer. Obviously I sided with the breasts. One may inquire how I ever passed any math class if my attention was always diverted. I was a perpetual cheat, and a damn good one at that. As luck would have it a bright, budding mathematician was always sited next to me, so it was fairly simple to ascertain the answers every test.

Today's lessons

1. Breasts are a privilege and not a right. 2. Bob is a horny idiot. 3. Math is for losers


go to hell

There are some really sick fucks out there. The following are the actual keywords people typed in google, which lead them to my site.

Referrer Report
(Search Engines - Keywords - Referring URLs*) used by visitors to access the page.

Top terms visitors used to find your page in a search
whores with stretch marks 35.28%
overdue pregnant girls fucking 34.46%
puss filled sores on female organ 13.46%
penile bumps + puss 11.62%
hate devry 3.61%
does devry have a good mba program 1.57%


If you check out my entries these words do come up occasionally, usually as a form of damnation. However; this does not explain why someone would actively search "whores with stretch marks" or "overdue pregnant girls fucking" on google. Though my favorite is "puss filled sores on female organ".

I actually feel dirty.

you extremely perverted bastards

can

go to hell

Human beings are shoved into existence with no control over their surroundings. From conception through first breath we are completely at the mercy of our parents, in particular our mother. Choice does not enter into the equation until well after birth. And, by then it is often too little, too late.

We don't get to choose our parents, but they in turn do choose to have us. Who bares the greater responsibility? Should we thank them when life is good and damn them when it is bad? People bitch and moan about how life is unfair, which I usually dismiss. It may not be to your liking but you choose to do with it what you will. However, since our creation is founded on the choice of others, not our own, do we really have choice in this life. Life is unfair from the start; every birth is like the lottery. A slim few win the jackpot while the rest our stuck with what’s left.


I am uplifting today, aren't I?

have a nice day

and

go to hell

What am I to do with my life? Where am I heading? Why am I here? Who shot JFK?

These are all very important questions and save for the last one (A Human Alien Hybrid raised by Appalachian folk did it) seem to be unanswerable. I can't figure out what to do with myself. Working seems out of the question due to my genetic tendency to be fat and lazy. Partying is also out of the question because drunken Bob often leads to nearly killed or incarcerated Bob. Volunteering would work if I didn't hate all the retarded, poor, old and sick people. In jest my brother-in-law recommended writing a book, one that shares my profound wisdom. A wonderful idea in theory except it would require untold hours of intellectual straining and work. Then again I could just skip right to a cliff notes version. One could argue that this web log is in fact a watered down version of my philosophy. I stay away from overly heady material due to likelihood that you, my loyal readers, are stupid but by in large these entries provide an accurate portrayal of my way of thought. Or maybe not. Superficially and really deep down Bob is a nice guy. The ego maniacal asshole persona only exerts itself when I write and take part in high brow conversation for prolong periods of time. Oddly enough I don't even believe evil exists on an ontological level, and subsequently denying the existence of hell.

In other words

deep down I really love all of you

but shoving those gay/womanly feelings aside

I still hate you

so

go to hell (be it illusionary or substantive)

Today is a holiday so I have little else to say. Happy Memorial day.

God bless all our soldiers, both past and present. They bare freedom's blazing burden upon their shoulders for the benefit of us all.


Enjoy your barbecues, or in my case Taco Bell

and to go along with today's patriot zeal

all you foreigners

can

go to hell

(except Sonja cause British girls are sexay)

While driving to my dad's store to deal with some customer service issues (stupid bastards don't understand how to answer their email) I spied a billboard stating "Abstinence 79% of Licking County teenagers is doing it". At first I doubted its veracity. Now, if one categorized children ages one to ten years of age as teenagers then I would believe 79% are not sexually active. Well, ok at least 60 %. But there is no way on God's green earth that you can convince me that nearly 8/10 teenagers, in my area, are refraining from sex. First of all the billboards use of Abstinence is flawed, because I know for fact 9/10 teenagers here have no idea what that term means. In fact it wouldn't be a surprise if they confused the term with a similar sounding Halluncengenic English drink. . I have more faith that the 80 % of the local pubescent population are seeing Christiana Aguilera headed spiders rather then not getting it on. My second major issue with the billboard is ambiguity surrounding the term Abstinence. Depending on how a questionnaire is worded it is plausible that a young lady takes up the # 2 spot from one guy while suckling on another’s Private Ryan and she would still answer that she is a virgin. Realistically the term should cover all intimate sexual contact that in anyway involves an orifice. However the surveyors are often either too naive or just willfully ignorant to include sexual contact beyond vaginal insertion in their studies. There is very little statistical data that identifies the prevalence of oral and anal sex amongst young people; in fact there is nothing beyond anecdotal evidence.

Many of you may disagree with my assertion that oral & anal sex despoils virginity. Well you either fall into one of two categories. Either you are a whore or a Sunday Christian. The first term is self-explanatory while the second term is analogous to being a hypocrite. Regardless common sense dictates that girls going down on guys and guys well getting downed on should not claim sexual purity. The term abstinence means to "refrain from indulging ones appetite" and having the pretty little blonde next door kiss your special place is indulging oneself, not denying. Of course I have no problem with people being promiscuous, as some of my best friends are slutty whores. Yet, I do have a problem with deluding the self and in the case of the billboard deceiving others. Your sex life is no ones business, when you are a self sufficient adult. Conversely when you are underage, or even in college, and dependant on guardians for financial security, those same folk who provide housing, money, and food have a stake in your sex life. If you knock someone up, or get knocked up they are responsible for repercussions as much as you, at least financially. Furthermore if you get an STD or simply have an emotional breakdown because Johnny didn't call after you licked his lollipop they have to deal with your stupid ass

The billboard is blatantly lying to parents. They have a false sense of security. The already blind eye that mommy and daddy have concerning their children's faults is significantly magnified in scope when they read 79% aren't doing it. Adding insult to injury that their tax dollars, be it local, state or federal are being used to construct elaborate lies, so that they will feel better.

Everyone needs to wake up, get a clue and take responsibility.

Jesus......I am such a hypocrite.

anyway

go to hell

Coming home from dinner today (I ate an extra large pizza by myself) I spied a groundhog scurring underneath my home. In the eighteen months I have lived here a skunk, a possum litter, and now a groundhog have been my roomies. If you didn't know already, I live in a thirty-five year old trailer. From the outside it is the sort of place your parents warned you to stay very far away from. Most would probably assume a child molestor or serial killer abides here. Depending on how well you know me, that assumption may not be terribly far off. Anyway, at least there is an upside to this living situation . I pay no rent or utilities and have free acess to the fridge next door. I guess having an overabundance of food and free housing does compensate for living with the locale wildlife in dirty old man's dream house/child dungeon.

Anyway all this thinking about child molesters, furry rodents, and trailers brought to mind my Fraternity pledging experience. Since devling into that topic could bring up painful, perhaps criminally incriminating memories instead I am going to end today's post with a new feature. Henceforth every Saturday I will conclude with a quote in lieu of my usual "go to hell" Everyone is welcome and encouraged to leave a quote in the comment box whether it be their own tidbits of wisdom or from someone else. Please give proper credit whenever possible, especially when it is something brilliant you have overheard me say.


todays useful quote

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
(Joan Rivers (1935 - )