I have pink eye, and since Bob is not one to underachieve, it is in both eyes. Guess that means I have pink eyes.

Go to Hell

I am in absolute agony at the moment. It seems my wisdom teeth are conspiring with my right eye to cause excruciating, mind-numbing pain. I can't chew on either side of my mouth nor can I focus on an object for more then a few seconds due to an intense throbbing in the eye socket. To make matters worse I have a considerable itch in my ass, which is probably the early stage of a yeast infection. I am thankful that my intense pain is largely blocking out the urge to itch, so there is a silver lining to be found even in an acid rain causing cloud.


Go to Hell

You are all going to hell.

Go to Hell

Where is Bruce Willis when you need him?


Go to Hell

I wake up constipated and stuffed in. You know it is going to be a great day when you are literally full of shit and snot. I look outside and see several inches of snow, which is a little surprising since the temperature was in the low sixties yesterday. Of course I live in the Ohio Valley where the only metrological constants are wacky humidity and my hair standing on end. One could argue that my hair, whether effected by humidity or not, does not constitute a weather phenomena. These people obviously have never witnessed the force that is my hair, especially those hairs located on my rump. There is nothing worse than having ones butt-hairs stand.

Apparently there is a suspect in the Ohio Sniper case. That blows my angry Islamic Denison student theory all to hell. I still think those curry-smelling bastards are up to something but only time will tell.

This is a dangerous new world we live in. For example the Spanish suffer through a horrendous terror attack and decide the best course of action is to cut off all ties to their Western Allies and elect Mussolini’s heir apparent. Other then the last hundred years of history and anyone with a minimal understanding of global politics who is to say that isolationism won't work, especially when it is attempted by radical socialist regime. Sounds like a winner to me.


It is heartening to know that even in this new burgeoning world of snipers, terrorists and crazy regimes we can always count on some things to stay the same.


Go to Hell

I had a shitty day but will spare you the gruesome details or maybe I won't. But my tirade has to wait as I received the greatest email today.


hi,my names marissa,im 10 years old.yor story is so sad . .im going through someting like that.i get bad grades in science and math, i have about 10 people in my faimly died.
write back soon.
i have aim my screen names are
rissap613
rissaswims613
nsscswimmer, and
xoswimmer.
thanks.


marissa


It is hard to believe but the text alone does not do the message justice. The email's background is tiled with multiple Police Department images. Obviously someone thinks it is funny to associate pedophilia with Bob.......which normally would be true however; I would never pick up a pre-pubscent girl on the internet. I prefer finding them in shopping malls and local parks.

Go to Hell

The little brother has a girlfriend. He speaks with her on the phone every night for hours at a time. Since he is only seven years old I find that to be totally unacceptable. Of course I am also extremely jealous of his "relationship". It isn't the girl herself that bothers me because I am way over dating eight year olds. In fact unless she is twelve, or at least an emotionally developed eleven, I don't even show interest.

The problem is that my kid brother has a more worthwhile life than me. He has friends, the love of his parents, and now most importantly a woman. To make matters worse I never actually spoke with a non-grandma woman on the phone until age 17. I was a god damn senior in high school before a girl called me. And she only spoke with Bob because of an interest in a friend at the time, Jasper the Friendly Joke.

Even when I think that this is as low as it gets, my life manages to degenerate further. I would like to think it could only get better but we all know it is only going to get worse.


Go to Hell

A friend from college quit his job last week. I am so very glad. The success of Bob's collegiate associates makes him unhappy. He prefers it when they are unemployed and practicing self-destructive behavior.

This post is dedicated to you Jeweisen. Hopefully the balding geologist will soon follow your lead and take his rightful place in the unemployment line.

Then all will be right with the world.


Go to Hell

Dear stupid dyke bitch who masquerades as a meter maid,

I hope you die. I know that being born stupid, ugly and without a penis was terribly unfair but it is not my problem. You give me parking tickets when I don't deserve them, and even when I do you pick my car out of a row of several dozen to check and ignore the rest. Lesbian kind should disown you, since you are such an ugly bitch, but if they won't I will. As an ambassador of human-kind I hereby declare you no longer worthy of the title "human" therefore anyone who wishes to run you over, and over and over, is allowed and encouraged to do so.

Best Wishes You Stupid Cunt,

The guy whom you gave a $5.00 ticket

I have a feeling she won't stay retired for long. Radioactive mutant lizards tend to crave wanton destruction, something that is in short supply at most retirement facilities. Well unless you count fried chicken night, which often does lead to destroyed villages and ruptured power plants.