Author's Note: Today's post is meant to comfort the lovelorn but it is directed towards those who find themselves in loving relationships.


I am single; several hundred pounds over weight and live in a decrepit trailer. I've dated two women in my life. One is getting married in the summer, the other is destined for a future in amateur porn (specifically movies involving white women with big asses). There is no reason for Bob to be in a celebratory mood on Valentines Day, in fact he is quite unhappy. He is very much alone.

Usually I can forget about being single, or at the very least suppress the unpleasant feelings associated with being alone. Once a year I am forced to recognize how pitiful my love life truly is, there upon I reflect on my sad state of being for several hours. This year is no different. Of course I do find solace in the fact that millions of other people are spending this day alone, dejected and full of bitterness. The following is for those miserable people:

"Hatred is by far the longest pleasure; Men love in haste, but they detest at leisure." Lord Byron


Go out and hate your fellow man, take pleasure in knowing that sometime, most likely in the immediate future, they will be joining you.


Go to Hell you miserable sons of bitches who have someone to hold on Valentines Day. I hope you develop oozing sores all over your genitals and along the inner lining of the rectum.

This is why I hate Mexico and Soccer/pussyfootball, besides the obvious reasons, such as the former are stinky and the latter is extremely boring.


Go to Hell

During the commercial break for MTV's The Inferno (which by the way is great fucking television) I watched the commercial for Choose or Lose 2004. I think it is a partisan commercial, basically, it says if two million more young people voted , in the last Presidential election, the results could/would have been different. Beyond that little gripe I take serious issue with the overall message, which is to encourage voting for the 18-34 year old demographic. I am fine with everyone 30 years or older voting in national elections. However, I'd rather everyone age 18-29 stay home.

I know hundreds, if not thousands of people, who fall into that age group and honestly there are maybe six who have any clue what is going on this country. I am a product of a generation that gets their political news from MTV, the Daily Show and watching the headlines banner on CNN. It terrifies me that people of my generation have the potential to sway a national election. I wouldn't trust my demographic to choose a high school hall monitor. To be fair this critique applies to Bob as well. When Democraticus was envisioning a new form of government, he sure as hell didn't have me in mind.

I haven't delved into specific reasons or provided substantial objective support of my assertion because there really is no need to. Our culture is inundated with evidence that clearly points out why young people shouldn't vote. All you need to do is watch MTV, read a college newspaper, observe any social science related graduate course, or simply walk into a local McDonalds to see that I am right.

Go to Hell

Dad: I hope he (Maurice Clarett) breaks both his legs and can't play football again.
Bob: Isn't that a little harsh?
Dad: .......I hope he breaks one leg and can't play for a couple years.
Bob: That works for me.


Go to Hell

I enjoyed this column in the Advocate.

My response:

I rather enjoyed Ms. Gibson’s recent column , she made many heartfelt and well reasoned points concerning same sex marriage. I agree with and even support most of her assertions, but those same points do not prove that marriage is a right. In fact I would argue that this is the problem with the institution today.

People take marriage for granted. They believe it is an inalienable right, one that affords them the opportunity to marry whomever, whenever, and however often with minimal foresight of future consequences. Marriage should be treated as a serious undertaking and more importantly a momentous responsibility. It is the most meaningful act two people will participate in, except for parenthood, which should involve the former, but I will tackle one issue at a time.

I am not a legal expert, though it is readily apparent that same sex marriage is not directly addressed in the Federal Constitution or in the legal annals of most states. That is not a major issue since many legal rights, especially those dealing with equality, are inferred rather than specifically outlined. However, as I stated before marriage is less a right than a responsibility. Heterosexuals have sullied the sanctity of marriage. Quickie marriages, with even quicker divorces, are commonplace. Many folks marry based on superficial rationale, or simply on a whim, which inevitably leads to disaster. Yet allowing gay marriage because traditional joinings have failed miserably, is not a valid reason in of itself. Those who decry homosexual marriage as morally and legally reprehensible are not going to readily accept it because traditional marriage has failed.

The only reasonable , and with my limited understanding legal, means to sanctioned gay marriage is through he legislature. While, I may disagree with the position of Jay Hottinger, I do respect how he goes about implementing it. Rather then relying on judges to “make” new law, same sex marriage advocates should write their elected officials, especially those in the state and federal congress, and demand legal recognition of theirright to be responsible.

Go to Hell

CBS Note To Self

Perhaps leaving the halftime festivities to MTV was not a good idea. But, how could we have known? It is not like MTV productions regularly pushes the envelope of good taste and even, somewhat miraculously, offends their own jaded viewers. This was an unforeseeable occurence and we are in no way cupable, of course we will need to shred all the incrimnating internal memos that reveal how much we really knew beforehand. Thankfully it was not like the "slippage incident" overshadowed one of the greatest Super Bowls in recent memory. No, not at all.

Go to Hell

I am posting a lot today in lieu of doing work for dad. You are very fortunate.

anyway, I just found the coolest thing ever. I am strongly considering buying an "imaginary" girlfriend, if only for shits and giggles. Alright, really I would buy one because I am a fat, lonely loser but still.

Go To Hell

Girl walks into the antique store. She isn't hideous so Bob flirts with her. Everything appears to be going well. She lives in her dad's basement, therefore, girl can't completely mock Bob's living arrangement. She teaches at a rural elementary, giving Bob an obvious intelligence advantage.

Bob is pretty happy as girl seems to be flirting back. Of course all is not well in Mudville because mighty Bob tries to say something witty. He attempts to say "Newark is not a thriving metropolis", but instead says "Newark is not a thriving metropoli poli poli sa ses." He tries again "metropolio so so so sas." He gives it one more shot "metra pole sa sa sus." Girl gives Bob a strange look, quickly pays for her item and leaves without saying so much as a goodbye.

Moral of the story: Bob is a stuttering, fucking moron.

Go to Hell

Donatos Pizza is absolutely, unequivocally SHITTY.

It cost $15.00 for a single topping large pizza, a 2-liter of coke, and some garlic bread. I would have been better putting the money in a blender and adding laxatives as the result would have been the same.

Go To Hell

I am done.

Go to Hell