A couple weeks ago I dedicated myself to gaining a hundred pounds and fullfilling my destiny to be a morbidly obese asshole. Well folks I am twenty-five percent of the way there, as I have gained a prodigious amount of weight in these short weeks. Yet, I am ashamed to admit that doubt has crept into my swollen heart. Being gravity challenged most of my life I am quite familiar with the pros and cons associated with gluttony. And, even though there is many benefits to shameless stuffing ones face, there is one negative that I am not overly fond of. You see when one gains weight quickly, the skin is often unable to stretch quickly enough which in turn leads to stretch marks. Now, since I have been blessed with a stomach reminiscent of an 11 month overdue pregnant ladies, there is already a lot of stretching present. However, in the last year when I lost a considerable amount of weight, the marks had become docile and lost that red flare. Now, they are very noticeable, which is acceptable, but also god awfully painful. Earlier today I vowed to end my indulgent ways. Of course four hours later I ate 4 pieces of KFC, two rolls butter dipped rolls and drank three sodas. It seems that my course is set, pain be damned.

By the way if you happen to see me shirtless this summer, feel free to laugh

because you can

go to hell