Devil-Goat

I feel like writing tonight, so all six of you who read this should feel honored to experience this rare treat.

I am fairly sure that a goat, who is the minion of Satan, lives underneath my trailer. Nearly one year ago, I first caught a glimpse of Devil-Goat. Of course, a week later, my parents, and girlfriend discovered that goat was really a possum. I tried to believe them but deep down the truth was undeniable. Lucifer himself has taken up residence beneath my home. He is the Prince of Lies so it is reasonable to infer that he would shape shift into a possum in order to throw me off. I am not entirely certain why he chose to move underneath my humble abode but I am absolutely, unequivocally sure the Almighty Lord of Darkness is here. Perhaps he finds my pathetic lot in life rather enjoyable, and has taken up a ring side seat to viscerally experience Bob's everyday misery. The Fallen One is using me as his own personal reality show, one that provides twenty-four hour comic relief. Anyway, lets stop delving into my delusional, borderline schizophrenic story and move onto something else.

I miss my girlfriend, numero uno (there have been two total, I am pathetic) to be specific. She was the wonderful young lady who was ultimately way too good for Bob. I sabotaged our budding relationship by calling her while intoxicated very late at night. In particular, I shared a detailed account of how I wanted to bed a bar slut, but of course wouldn't because I was dating her. Not my best moment, not by far. We tried to rekindle our romance several months later, yet the spark was no longer there. I blame my then impending incarceration for treeacide that put way too much pressure on her. Who could possibly love a man who went on a drunken rampage that involved ripping small saplings out of the ground, I ask who? However, cruel fate did mark our paths to cross once again. After I started dating girlfriend numero dos, the love of my sad, miserable, pathetic, life started to show interest in me once again. Of course she only did this because I was dating a friend of hers, and my one true soul mate wanted to get back at her. Ultimately after I left girlfriend dos, the perfect human embodiment of bliss (at least for Bob) showed no more interest in me.

Woe is me. I really do miss her, though the past is in the past; so memories, fond as they may be, are fruitless to the heart.


Go to Hell