We are having a party this Saturday. Who is this "we" I speak of? Well, actually we means a friend of mine, but I make the fliers, typos and all, so on some level it is "my" party, if in name only. Why such an odd hour? The reason is two-fold; first, one is more likely to remember an odd time such as this, and knowing human nature as well as I do, most people won't show up until two hours later from the start time anyhow.

Now I know you are excited about a party hosted by Bob, and can't wait to attend. It is a rare treat to spend an evening with me, and most likely none of you will ever get to experience it. What I am trying to say is that you are not invited. It isn't personal, I just don't like you all very much and would rather spend my time alone, sitting in the corner, developing new and innovative ways to kill myself with a plastic spork. I know this is terribly disappointing, world crushing even, but you will get over it. And, if not self mutilation by the molded spawn of fork & spoon always makes me feel better.

Go to Hell