Monday's suck, almost as much as my ex-girlfriend. Damn she was like a Hoover vacuum cleaner (or at least that is what those 10 guys at the bar told me). Anyway not lot news today, just the same pervading feeling of utter failure and desolation.

I went to bed at 7:00 am, woke up at 10:00 am, pretended to work for 3 hours, went home, and watched cartoons. Actually that pretty much sums how I spent the last decade. It is hell being me.

After eating a sub, a salad, a few loaves of cheesy bread, and a couple sodas for lunch, my dad decided to share a valuable pearl of wisdom. It seems that I need to realize what it means to value things, i.e. struggle to pay the rent, bills, etc. While defecating a few minutes later, and trying my damnest to push one out (and women claim men know nothing about pain, I guarantee my 10 lb bundle of joy would give theirs a run for its money) my dad's wise counsel echoed in my head. And, even though I live in a dumpy, 40 year old trailer in the worst part of a universally accepted hell-hole/city, everything is provided for me. Now, I don't have a silver spoon, more like a plastic spork, but my greatest life struggle thus far has been figuring out which relative to kill off next so I wouldn't fail class. Therefore I make a solemn pledge before all of you and our
ball-less Lord to try my best to learn the value in struggle & strife. Where I once made my mother call for pizza delivery, I vow to do the dialing, and even the ordering myself

Perhaps one day, with concerted effort, I will appreciate my palatial like mobile home,
40 % body fat content, and ever thickening uni-brow. How lucky can a guy get?



as usual

go to hell

Watched a great movie last night. I officially have a man-crush on Hugh Jackman.

Anyway while enjoying this fantastic move, and fantasizing about having Wolverines baby, my viewing experience was assaulted by a group of ignorant folks talk to the screen.

Before I delve into today’s rant lets clear something up. Stereotypes are very good and contain invaluable nuggets of truth. Now, with that solid foundation let’s examine the effects of large groups of black people attending a movie. First of all, when 10 or more blacks congregate at a theatre it is certain they will talk back to the characters in the movie, and/or make asinine comments. That is not a racist assertion, rather an observation of fact. Subsequently when a box office manager recognizes a large group of young black youths at screening, he/she should pay close attention and insure that they do not ruin the experiences of others. Similar disastrous results occur when large groups of Jews attend at banking conference, or when Asians go to a math competition and god forbid you get a group of Appalachian folks at a family reunion/orgy. Anyway, my point is that we as Americans have a responsibility to recognize that certain groups of people often have predicable behaviors. Thus, it is necessary for each of us, in any sort of supervisory position, to insure that these groups do not get out of hand, and ruin it for everyone else, i.e. the normal white folks.


And if you are offended by today's post

Good, because I hate you very much

so

go to hell

I am currently watching a show that sums up why I hate everyone, and also envy them so much. The people on this show are willing to whore themselves out for a few fleeting minutes of fame. Along the way they have an exciting time full of sexual innuendo, against the backdrop of extremely unrealistic date locales. I despise these soulless fame hungry parasites; however a part of me is extremely jealous. No, not because they are on T.V. I envy the fact that they are on a FUCKING DATE. Beneath my bitter, cold-hearted, hateful and semi-lucid exterior there is a gentle soul looking to get laid. Every person is getting some it seems. I know for a fact that homosexual men get more action with women than I do. Hell, my 7 year old brother gets more tail then me. Now, there are people who are worse off then me. Yet, even ugly Down syndrome people, who are bereft of any real value, are able to have a vibrant romantic life. Look at Corky, that squint-eyed shit found his little retarded girlfriend. Where does that leave me? Honestly I have experienced dating bliss; oh I mean agonizing hell, for a time. Actually two times in fact. The first girl turned out to be a stuck up whore, while the second was simply a slutty whore. In both cases something became readily apparent. God has no balls, subsequently hates me a person with balls of prodigious size. Therefore I am doomed to wander the earth, big balls in tow, searching for a special someone to rub my ass while dressed in a Sailor Moon outfit.

Sometimes life is just unfair.

go to hell

After yesterdays psychotic rant, my mood has worsened considerably. Other then giving a universal fuck you, not a lot else to spew about today. I do need to find a new place to live. Anyone who lives in the central Ohio area, with an available room or desire to get a place, feel free to contact me I am off to have a depressing weekend full of solitude, cursing at cartoons and video games.

Hope you all suffer as much as I am or at the very least contract an STD (like Herpes & Gonorrhea)

go to hell

I have decided to forego all my rights, and sell-out to the pseudo-intellectual conformists who run this country. My innate sense of self has only held me back in today’s fast-paced, multi-tasking environment where people are expected to blend into one well oiled corporate machine, maximizing their group potential and minimizing any sense of self identity. Lemmings do not bother me per say, as I recognize the necessity of having thoughtless automatons do the majority of the work. Yet, I always felt that the tedium visited upon others was not for me. The path less taken was to be mine. I was to be the innovator, the driving force behind the mindless masses. Looks like that isn't going to happen, as reality keeps hitting me in the face like a drunken one-eyed bitch. Seems I have/had an overactive imagination, leading to an egocentric world model that placed the self at paramount importance while regulating everyone else beneath my grandiose position. In other words I am self-delusional or more to the point a lonely, crazy bastard with too much time on his hands. Therefore I now promise to dedicate my life to losing all sense of self to the social structure. Hopefully by jumping off the bridge with everyone else my problems will be solved.


Then again all you white-collar zombie zealots

can kiss my unique, dementia suffering ass

and go to

hell

I added a guestbook last night. Originally I wanted feedback of any sort. Since, I am too stupid to understand JavaScript or god forbid XML, adding a comment box was out of the question. So, I went with the next worst thing. Not one of my greatest fucking ideas thus far. Ranks up there with pushing a dumpster down the hill. Seems that everyone who reads my blog is either 14 year old boys, or 30 year old panty obsessed men. Now, my last post details how I can relate to the latter group......well actually maybe the former group as well. But, I was hoping for at least some estrogen driven readers. And, no you don't count Travis.

Anyway, today was fairly ho-hum. Found myself strangely attracted to a 45+ year old working at candy store. She gives me free candy, what more can an obese diabetic-wannabe asks for in a woman? Actually, not a lot except for maybe blue eyes, blonde hair and 18 years of age. Then again beggars can't be choosers, especially when comes to a free sugar supply. Not a lot else to bitch about, save for my daily interaction with the geriatric public. God, I hate old people. They are slow-witted, bitchy and usually smelly. I am glad that heart failure will claim me by age 35 so I won't have to burden society in my latter years. I have spent hours with these wrinkled monstrosities, watching their every agonizingly slow move. They are burden on our healthcare system, furthermore they are eating up my future social security benefits. Soylent green is the way to go.

and on that note,

please do

go to hell

I am officially a dirty old man. While visiting my local Wal-Mart, I found myself in the ladies brazier and undergarment section. Low & behold while there I discovered why my immediate future involves a lengthy prison term. There was a fairly sexy pair of panties (me looking at the panties was sketchy enough) and when I looked at the tag, the brand name jumped out at me. They were for miniature women, i.e. girls, and to add salt to my soon-to-be prison bitch ass, I discovered they were by THE WONDER TWINS. these horrific discoveries lead me to ponder two possible conclusions. Either I am a sick perverted degenerate or young ladies (little girls) are wearing sexy underwear...... On the one hand looking panties in my local Wal-Mart rates as a pervert type activity; however on the other hand the underwear were pretty damn hot. Oh Jesus Christ........I am going to hell..... or at best going to be reincarnated as a zit on an elephants ass.


ummm.......well........

guess

i am going to hell

I had a great day. Woke up unable to breathe due to the pollen count, attempted to clear my throat and instead let out a wet fart. After that I took a shower and threw up phlegm for the next 25 minutes. God damn trees, bees, and fleas. (had to finish the rhyme and well...I do like rubbing up next to my dog) So, the rest of my day went equally well. Took some over the counter allergy medication, next thing I know 7 hours had passed by. If only I had Claritin in High School then I could have actually blacked out rather then block out of my memories. Well on to the post. Today I actually have a semi-reasonable issue to discuss, one that has baring on most peoples lives. In other words pay attention and take your thumb out of your significant others ass while reading today.

Here’s the deal the Supreme Court is currently reviewing the constitutionality of a law forbidding consensual sodomy, in particular a case involving two men. A Pennsylvania Senator, Rick Santorum, commented on the legal aspects of the case then stuck his proverbial foot in his mouth. I do not agree with his position, in fact there is little doubt he is a moral & political dinosaur who is completely out of touched with reality. On the other hand he has every right to take such a position without being ballyhooed and demanded to resign. Unlike many Hollywood celebrities who take political, moral and legal stands as personal crusades, Mr. Santorum's job is to comment on the laws of the land and offer his insights. He is one of the fifty most powerful men on the planet (which is scary) and he was elected to take a position, no matter how wrongheaded or hearted. I have no problem with questioning his viewpoint, and delineating where his logic fails miserable. Yet, it is totally unfair to continually ask for his resignation. If he takes enough kooky positions his constituents will vote him out, and if they don't well that is the beauties of democracy even crazy-fucks get to be represented.

On a related point those socio-political activists who are demanding Santorum's resignation should refocus their efforts on lobbying their local congressman. Anti-sodomy laws, along with quite a few other pieces of archaic legislation, should have been challenged long before now. In fact states should have taken them off the books years ago. The best way to insure this happens is not to take it to the Supreme Court, which takes years even decades, to come to a decision. Instead by writing ones congressman, presenting lucid arguments, one is able to facilitate change. In other words quit being whiney shits, and actually attempt to fix the problem.

and if you disagree (unless you are cute, single and easy)

then

go to hell

I had a fairly entertaining Saturday. First, I spent a couple hours watching people play in a video game tournament. During this time span I came to a couple remarkable conclusions. # 1 I am the type of person who finds value in watching others play video games, and # 2 I am a complete jack-ass because of reason # 1. After that I hung out with my buddy Travis. We then went to the movies with a couple more friends. On the way to the theatre I had a special moment of clarity, one that drove my thinking the rest of the night. I like women, and do in fact want to share a coital embrace with one in the very near future. As the night went on it became apparent that 14 year old girls are way too mature looking for my own good, and that I really need to get a chick. However, getting the chick is a problematic endeavor because women are evil soul-sucking whores. Now, you may question my dedication in finding a women, since it seem that I hold them in such low esteem. Yet, despite my obvious disdain for pandora box opening femi-nazis I still have an uncontrollable attraction towards them. Therefore it is necessary for me to get past my "minor issues" in order to find a young lady. That is only the first part of the solution. As I recalled past flings with bearded fat lesbian women, it dawned on me that I do not attract a very high quality type of female. I need to rectify this issue, and find a way to attract a semi-appealing member of the opposite sex. Right now my theory is I am too loud, fat and bitter whereas women want jack-ass, skinny and stupid in their love-interests. So, I need to work on being more like Ryan Seacrest and less like Cartman. Though it would be much simpler if cute (or really any girl sub 300 lbs girl with no breasts under their arms) would get past being stuck-up egocentric, sluts from the 14th layer of hell and take me as I am. Since, I am willing to get past their aforementioned negative qualities; they should in turn overlook my minor handicaps.


well I hope you enjoyed my little postulation and if not

you are probably a skank-ho

so

go to hell

I am sort of bummed out today. Reality done bitched slap me again, and left me crying on floor. What catastrophe am I referring to? TAXES. Currently I don't pay them, because I am fat and lazy. Yet, one day when I am making the big bucks (i.e. $7.50 an hour) taxes will reveal its evil head. What little motivation I have to work is completely nullified by the fact that I will be working up to and possibly including May of every fiscal year to pay off the fucking government. And, what do taxpayers get in return for their slave labor, well quite a bit actually. However, in this case quantity definitely does not equate to quality. The American government bureaucracy is so cash fat that is makes Anna Nicole Smith look like Kate Moss. Billions of dollars are spent each year to research why bovines find four brown spots more sexually appealing then 3 brown spots. Actually, I don't need to use outrageous hyperbole to demonstrate the misuse of tax dollars . I am huge proponent of the military, and realize it is one of the few services that a government should provide. But, how in the holy hell can they lose an estimated 2.3 TRILLION DOLLARS. This is not a new story, as it has been common knowledge for a couple decades that the military spends a few thousand dollars per toilet seat cover, yet at least that money is accounted for. How in the hell do you lose several trillion dollars.... And, keep this in mind the military is one of the more useful government expenditures. Imagine how much phantom money NASA or the scrotum-stretching research has blown through during the last fifty years. So, for all of those who pay taxes, I empathize with you. I never paid substantial taxes, but I did pay several thousands dollars to an evil oppressive agency that took much and gave very little. (Ex-girlfriend)

well anyway i hope you all have a great weekend,

actually scratch that,

and go to hell