I am the hamster god. The littler critter worships me. Every time I put food in the cage Hamster, which is the hamster's name, carefully sniffs my fingers and watches me with unabashed admiration. Sometimes I catch him starting in my direction, as if his saying with eyes Bob is the most masterful of masters. I should go to the pet store and purchase more potential disciples. The human world may very well have forsaken me but Hamster knows the truth. His admiration leads to my adulation. Who knew that deification could lead to such happiness.

Go to Hell

unless you are a small furry rodent

I decided to become a stalker. Who knows it may be you and if so please do not call the police, at least not until I break into your room.

Not a whole lot going on with me. November has been a wash, much like October before it as well as September, August, July, June well you get the point. Perhaps New Years will provide some much needed excitement. I am considering a trip to either Chicago or D.C. at end of December. My college friends/worst enemies will be there and when we get together things turn ugly. Women are accosted, trees are torn asunder, children lay crying in their beds all the while copious amounts of alcohol are consumed. It could be fun especially considering the alternative of spending the holidays sequestered in the trailer watching cartoon network marathons.



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From now on all questions asked here are to be considered rhetorical in nature. So please do not answer them.

I was chatting, in an AOL IM chat room, with a friend of mine who moved several hundred miles away. He invited a friend from home to join our conversation. Said friend made a comment about wanting child-type footy pajamas and I happened to remark had she been abused as a child. It seems levity is not my strong point, as she in fact had been abused by her father. Well, if the helpful advice from earlier doesn't pan out I can always pursue a career in heckling.

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I need to get a life . The last several months have went by in a blur. Usually that occurs when one is busy, engaging life to its fullest. That doesn't apply to my situation. Somehow I have managed to turn tedium on its head and created a vacuum where time moves at rapid albeit tortuously monotonous rate.

I am opening up the floor to all of you. Please give me some suggestions as to what I should do with my life.
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Devil-Goat

I feel like writing tonight, so all six of you who read this should feel honored to experience this rare treat.

I am fairly sure that a goat, who is the minion of Satan, lives underneath my trailer. Nearly one year ago, I first caught a glimpse of Devil-Goat. Of course, a week later, my parents, and girlfriend discovered that goat was really a possum. I tried to believe them but deep down the truth was undeniable. Lucifer himself has taken up residence beneath my home. He is the Prince of Lies so it is reasonable to infer that he would shape shift into a possum in order to throw me off. I am not entirely certain why he chose to move underneath my humble abode but I am absolutely, unequivocally sure the Almighty Lord of Darkness is here. Perhaps he finds my pathetic lot in life rather enjoyable, and has taken up a ring side seat to viscerally experience Bob's everyday misery. The Fallen One is using me as his own personal reality show, one that provides twenty-four hour comic relief. Anyway, lets stop delving into my delusional, borderline schizophrenic story and move onto something else.

I miss my girlfriend, numero uno (there have been two total, I am pathetic) to be specific. She was the wonderful young lady who was ultimately way too good for Bob. I sabotaged our budding relationship by calling her while intoxicated very late at night. In particular, I shared a detailed account of how I wanted to bed a bar slut, but of course wouldn't because I was dating her. Not my best moment, not by far. We tried to rekindle our romance several months later, yet the spark was no longer there. I blame my then impending incarceration for treeacide that put way too much pressure on her. Who could possibly love a man who went on a drunken rampage that involved ripping small saplings out of the ground, I ask who? However, cruel fate did mark our paths to cross once again. After I started dating girlfriend numero dos, the love of my sad, miserable, pathetic, life started to show interest in me once again. Of course she only did this because I was dating a friend of hers, and my one true soul mate wanted to get back at her. Ultimately after I left girlfriend dos, the perfect human embodiment of bliss (at least for Bob) showed no more interest in me.

Woe is me. I really do miss her, though the past is in the past; so memories, fond as they may be, are fruitless to the heart.


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I've spent the last three hours searching for jobs via monster & the local classified ads. I would like to do something with my life, find a job that gives it meaning but that seems highly unlikely. There is nothing out there that even remotely interests me and worse these jobs offer no financial incentive to sell my soul. I am all about Faustian economics but the Devil needs to hold up his end and offer some serious mullah if he wants my signature in blood. Sooner or later, more likely the latter, I will be homeless & unemployed. And, you know what? That is a far better life than the alternative. My life, be it meaningless and trite, at least offers the promise of future success. Odds are I will die penniless in a gutter wearing soiled tighty-whitees that stink of urine and chocolate ice cream but just maybe my crusade against working for corporate drones will lead to untold riches and unimaginable bliss.


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I hate telemarketers, marketing executives and credit card personnel.

More to come as to why I loathe these pond scum licking bastards later on this week.

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Fuck you.

Go to Hell

Western society stands on a crumbling ledge overlooking oblivion. Who is to blame? Stupid people who have no foresight whatsoever. The middle class are jokes, while the wealthy managed to forget the punch line. At least my own personal failures pale in comparison to the colossal fuck-up we live in today. That provides some solace.

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I have lost my freaking mind. While watching an episode of MTV's stellar program Made something odd happened. I started to cry. I wish this was just a freak occurrence but it is not. Lately many things have brought tears to my eyes including an episode of Justice League, a short story about a vengeful vampire, and a particularly touching Blind Date. I wouldn't be so worried if the problem stopped at tears however that is not the case. I have been sleeping at minimum twelve hours every day, which is excess even by my slothful standards. My usual, healthy dose of apathy has of late blossomed into full blown Goth mania. Whereas I once stopped at not caring now I bemoan the entire basis of reality. In other words I am off my fucking rocker.

Anyway I just wanted to share with everyone and leave you with the following warning. Odds are that I am becoming a deranged psychopath and should be avoided. Take into the account the aforementioned insanity, add my well documented loathing of women, and mix it all together with my feelings of matricide (which is probably justified) and well you have a very scary individual. Though you are probably safe if you are not white, female, and under the age of twenty-five.

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