My ass still itches. I tried to set up a doctor’s appointment, and boy was that ever a fun experience. I tried to delicately detail my condition to a young nurse aid via the telephone. She asked "Can you see what the problem is?" and of course I had to inform him that it was nearly impossible for me to look in between my butt cheeks. The hilarity didn't end there though. After revealing my "condition" it was time to set up an appointment. However, I found out that it would be impossible for me to see the doctor since I had a delinquent bill. To be precise, I was not allowed to see the doctor under no circumstances.....WHAT THE FUCK??? I wanted to cry, not only did I have to discuss an itchy rectum with a young lady but also had to be informed I am a deadbeat who is not welcome at the premises under no circumstances whatsoever. FUCKING HORSE SHIT. I politely excused myself from the phone, and proceeded to question my father as to why I had a delinquent balance due to my doctor. My father did not know but stated in no uncertain terms it was my responsibility and he had more important things to worry about it. MY ASS FEELS LIKE A LEGION OF ANTS HAS TAKEN PERMANENT RESIDENCE UPON IT AND I CAN'T SEE MY DOCTOR BECAUSE I OWE HIM MONEY AND DAD DOESN'T THINK IT IS A BIG DEAL.................fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

Upon further reflection, and a subsequent call back to the doctors billing department I discovered that the bill in question should have been covered by my insurance at the time. Yet, for some reason my insurance company had me down as being married to my mother, born on my birth date but father to my little brother. In other words according to them I was part of a twisted incestual mess, which would be fine if they still covered my fucking doctor's visit. That is/was not the case, since they have me confused, in part, with my father they had me listed on his policy. Again if they paid the bill that would be fine, BUT NOOOOOOO THAT WOULD BE TOO EASY. In order to be covered under my father's plan I had to demonstrate collegiate attendance. Yet again that would be fine except the doctor's visit in question occurred one month after my graduation. Complicating things further I am no longer covered by the aforementioned insurance agency for other reasons/incompetence. Basically I am fucked, and have to pay the bill. With interest it is only sixty-five dollars so it is not a huge deal and actually one that I could even afford to pay myself. The problem is in order to pay it I have to go into the doctor's office, and after this circus I really never want to show my face there again. Furthermore even if I do pay there is no guarantee that the doctor will see me, as the billing agent inferred that our "business" relationship was all but severed. And, since the account was over a year late it had reported to one/all of the credit bureaus........


Boys and girls I am an asshole, and for the most part I have reaped what I sowed in this life. But, Jesus Christ there is bad karma and there is situation. God/Krishna/Satan/Azhamda/Babli/My Mom/Buffy must really hate me....... I officially give up. My only options left are to the do ignoble thing and shoot all you fuckers or be noble and fall on my own butter knife.


In other words

GO TO HELL


P.S.

IF TODAYS FREQUENT USE OF CAPS LOCK OFFENDS
GO TO HELL

IF YOU FIND MY LACK OF GRAMMER DISHEARTENING
FUCKING SHOOT YOURsELF IN THE HEAD

AND IF FOR WHAT EVER REASON YOU HAVE A HARD TIME FOLLOWING TODAY’S POST
GO TO HELL, FUCKING SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE HEAD AND KNOW THAT I HATE YOU VERY MUCH.

I am a seventy year old man trapped in a twenty-three year old body. The other day I spoke for over an hour with an elderly gentleman about the sad state of society. The majority of the conversation was very one-sided as I pontificated about the fall of the West. The old man agreed completely with my acid laced observations, and remarked on my maturity. I will spare you the intimate details of our conversation, but it must be said that I had a lot in common with the social security eligible man. What does this mean? Well, basically it means I have fifty more years of bitching to look forward to. You may have always suspected that I am a bitter man but who would have thought a bitter old man.

At least I don't need to use viagra.....well ok maybe sometimes but only when I am really nervous....

Go to hell

It is true, I am an asshole. And, while I am on the subject of assholes, mine still feels like I wiped it with poison oak toliet paper. I bought various anti-itch cremes which, as I typed this post, are starting to work. My butt has become completely numb. I could actually get used to this feeling, or more precisely lack thereof. Not much else to talk speak to tonight, so in lieu of nonchoherent rambling I am off to bed. Hopefully the bum will remain numb throughout the night because constantly greasing it up with various cremes is not my cup of tea. (damn commas who needs them)


Oh, I almost forgot my favorite European sexpot made into the States A-Ok. She best better have a great time while here.


go to hell

My ass itches. It feels like there are thousand miniature midgets squirming between my butt cheeks. I mean it did feel good for like six hours but still. Based on previous experiences I am fairly sure it is a yeast infection. ........ Well, my anus is very hairy and moist so bacterial growth should be expected. Of course if the maddening itching continues I will be forced to visit my family doctor and boy should that be fun.

"Hey Doc my ass itches. I am pretty sure it is a yeast infection. Sure, I understand you have to see to make sure. Well, uh yea I know that good bodily hygiene is important and from now I will make sure to properly wipe my butt after pooping. Thank you for all your help sir and I am sure that smell will come off your fingers very soon."


It could be worse at least my groin was spared the unbearable miniature midget assault.

Go to hell

I had an extremely witty post, then I pushed shift and another key. Not really sure what the key was but I do know the result. EVERYTHING FUCKING THING WAS DELETED AND FOR SOMEONE REASON I AM UNABLE TO UNDO IT. So, this means I AM FUCKING PISSED.

GOD DAMN COMPUTERS. I tell you if it wasn't for tentacle related animated porn I would have written off those Japs long ago. Oh wait I was talking about the blog...but still damn Japanese.

go to hell

I have an interview tomorrow for a job that is right around the corner from my previous employeer/Satan. The job requires working in a call center and answering medical insurance questions. It is very similar to working at the credit card company but does not involve fleecing money from elderly folk. This time I get to explain what benefits they get before dying rather then pestering/killing them as I did before. Anyway wish me luck.

A 300+ lbs man today commented that I better watch out or soon I will be bigger then him. Boy that sure made me feel great. Repulsive fat man points out I will soon be his lard ass successor. Well, at least I will be recognizable for something beyond my freakishly large head.

Well, I am getting tired, just ate two gigantic platefuls of spagheti, which really takes it out a man. Until next time.


go to hell

I am fat. No, actually I am morbidly obese. No, I am wrong again. Bob is a fucking lard ass. I stepped on the scales yesterday and felt like I was in a Garfield cartoon. The digital scale seemed to moan before revealing that I weigh more then a baby elephant. Living la vida gorda has been fun but it is time for a change. Of course I have already made similar sentiments several times since starting this Blog, but hell who knows maybe I will luck out and develop intestinal cancer. We can hope.

There is so much to talk about, and I have so little inclination to do so. Someone discovered my AOL IM name and felt the need to mock me. Usually, I wouldn't give two shits however this time it was personal. Whoever has been messaging me really knows how to push my buttons. He/She/It/Cocksucker knew my intimate insecurities, mainly my lack of writing talent. Obviously I am a brilliant writer, albeit a little rough around the edges. My editing skills leave much to be desired, yet Bob's style and substance more then make up for grammatical weakness. Nonetheless, I was forced to block this person's messages as they were taking a toll. You may ask, what does this mean to me? Or, more to the point why the fuck do I care? It means my confidence, concerning writing, was severely rocked. In other words instead of posting on my blog, or more importantly fleshing out an idea I had for a novella, Bob decided to be a bitch and sulk. Well screw that shit. Mes, mights, write; like a fcknig fours yar eld but I am still a witty son of a bitch. So, baring further emotional breakdowns my post should once again be fairly frequent. Also, I am toying with the idea of embracing my inner twelve year old girl and adding a creative writing section to the site. God, I am a little bitch. My manly factor has dipped to dangerous levels. Need to go look at some porn, eat pizza and masturbate into a watermelon.

By the way my favorite British Sex Kitten is visiting the States once again, so yes Virginia there really is a Santa Claus. Hopefully she will honor Ohio with her presence. A boy can hope.

Go to hell joe12533

The E channel is the second greatest television experience available, next to of course my precious cartoon network. True Hollywood Story is E's staple show. It is an incredibly vapid, mind numbing and yes entertaining as hell serial. Tonight the show exceeded even its low standards and presented The Real World True Hollywood Story. First and foremost the continual success of The Real World is the third sign of the apocalypse. Of course we are all relatively safe because the next harbinger of doom is nearly impossible. There is no way identical twin alien headed child stars of a formulaic family sitcom would earn several hundred million dollars hocking abysmal direct- to-video releases to pedophiles and/or 10 year old girls. Anyway, as I was saying we are all severally fucked. I am all for low brow television full of T & A (Teats and Arse) but even the retarded pervert living within me has its limits. At least I had shows like ALF, Growing Pains and Doogie Howser MD to shape my young mind. The children of today are feed a steady diet of beautiful retards fucking like rabbits. Where will our children find their role models if not on television? Parents could of course set the standard, but seriously who wants to grow to beat their wife like their daddy or suck off the mailman like mommy does. Cable television needs to raise the bar for our children and children's children.

Anyway I am off to watch Passport to Paris. Now that’s cinema at its finest. Beautiful nubile twins romping through the streets of gay Paris. Tonight will be very enjoyable.


go to hell

I went to bed Friday morning at 8:30am. Woke up at 9:15pm Friday night. Yesterday evening I ate White Castle. Tonight I ate Taco Bell. What does all this mean? Am I a lazy fat bastard? Do I now prefer using simple, short sentences? Or, is their a government conspiracy forcing me to sleep during day, stay up all through the night watching Poltergeist the Legacy and eat heart attacking inducing fast food? Who knows but I do have a serious case of tooten poopens.

While checking my voicemail it appears that my father's auction may now be a no go. The auctioneer we were working with seems to have developed cold feet. This is a bad thing, since the two auctions we had thus far were a modest success. However, if the proverbial shit does hit the fan it might be a real opportunity for me. I need to get a life which first requires moving out of Newark, Ohio. First of all I don't have anything against my place of birth. In fact beyond the fact that it resides in the outer layers of Hell it ain't such a bad place. I am glad to have spent most of my formative years here rather then a thriving urban metropolis. There I would have become cultured, meaning being indoctrinated into a neo bourgeoisie lifestyle. In other words being an uncouth, unsophisticated jack ass is definitely the product of my environment and thank God for it. Anyway, growing up is hard to do but sometime we all have to do it. I have insulated myself from the world, often dismissing it as meaningless and trivial. Yet, in actuality there is so much living to be done and really so little time. It is high time I quit bemoaning my miserable existence, take control of my fate and go do something.

Then again being mature and self reliant sounds like a lot of work, not to mention requiring and untold amount of dedication. I am just going to take a shit instead.


go to hell

Day 2 of being unemployed. Stayed up till 6am last night and woke up at 5pm, oh how I missed those times. I applied to a couple places and hopefully will get a call soon. The only positive from my short stint in the working world was the realization that I do need to work. Spending my day wallowing in Doritos crumbs surrounded by a mountain of Pepsi cans is no way to live. Due to my lack of skills and under abundance of "real" jobs (jobs being defined as a profession that does not cause blood to leak from my ears). Enough talk about me and my pathetic life, today I was hoping to have an engaging dialogue with all of you. First of all let me reiterate how much I have missed all seven of you who read this blog. Most of you I know in real life, but as you well know actual human interaction pails in comparison to reading each others daily logs. The couple of you who don't know me personally will find the following very disheartening. You haven't lived until witnessing a 240 lb man sitting crossed legged for hours at a time. Here is the deal usually I rant and rave with little concern for those who later read it, but today I am trying something different. I want everyone reading this to take a couple minutes and post a comment today on the following subject. What pisses you the fuck off? Some may find this question a little vague, so in order to prevent undue confusion I will further clarify. What really pisses you the fuck off?

It is my sincere hope that this subject will open up an impressive dialogue between us, one that allows for a better understanding of all people. That and I am too lazy to bitch today.


Go to hell