It looks like the world is going to end, again. Well, between AIDS, SARS, and American Idol it is amazing any of us are still alive. And, since I am currently coughing up yellow mucus, it is about time I share my profound wisdom before baring witness to the all encompassing oblivion.

Well, first of all I want to let Virginia know that there is in fact NO SANTA CLAUS. Even his spirit was crushed under combined pressures of commercialism and self-serving apathy. Secondly, there is in fact an Easter Bunny and he did shower me with loads of fat-ass inducing candy. God love that obesity causing lagomorph. Anyway, please pay careful attention to my next point. Women, other then granny, are in fact the devil incarnate. They exist only to suck you dry financially, mentally and spiritually. Sure some do give you sex but at a price too high for most to pay ($500.00 an hour). Your best bet is to follow my example; so eat copious amounts of junk food, watch cartoons, stay unemployed & loath in self-pity. By carefully following those dictates you will have little worry about from the evil soul-sucking sea hags.

Time for blessed slumber, I hope my words have helped.

And, if not

go to hell