Saturday, September 11, 2004

Bethany is a brave little girl. She is cute, spunky and full of life. Her young life was dedicated to surfing. While pursuing her dream a shark bit off her arm. This occurred almost a year ago. I remember the story because first, it involved a man-hungry shark and second the little girl managed to survive. Relatively shortly thereafter, as in within several months, little Bethany took up surfing once again. To me that was more amazing than the actual attack. I questioned what sane parent would let their pre-pubescent daughter surf once again after losing an extremity.

After watching an episode of True Life dedicated to professional surfing, I now know the answer to that very question. A fucking bad parent allows their young armed challenged daughter back into the ocean. Her mother said something to the effect of

"It is her dream...blah blah never know she might be best...blah blah blah...Jaws, the ultimate oceanic predator, can't stop her, who am I to try?"

Ok, that quote isn't entirely accurate but you get the idea. The dumb bitch failed to understand one simple truth; a god damn shark ate her daughter's arm. I know that the odds of a shark attack, even for surfers, are very low. And since she lost one arm, odds are she won't lose another. However, I am more of the mindset of what if you are shark attack rod, like the late Roy Scheider. (I know he isn't physically dead, but other than the occasional Jaws Thirtieth Anniversary interview, what has he done in the last five years?) and can't help but to attract the attentions of the two ton oceanic predators, what then? I understand that little Bethany has another arm and two perfectly healthy legs to offer up, yet I am thinking the minimal payday that 99% of "professional" surf boarders receive isn't worth it. Of course being the world's gimp surfing champion might entail some lucrative endorsements.

Go to Hell