I am posting a lot today in lieu of doing work for dad. You are very fortunate.

anyway, I just found the coolest thing ever. I am strongly considering buying an "imaginary" girlfriend, if only for shits and giggles. Alright, really I would buy one because I am a fat, lonely loser but still.

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Girl walks into the antique store. She isn't hideous so Bob flirts with her. Everything appears to be going well. She lives in her dad's basement, therefore, girl can't completely mock Bob's living arrangement. She teaches at a rural elementary, giving Bob an obvious intelligence advantage.

Bob is pretty happy as girl seems to be flirting back. Of course all is not well in Mudville because mighty Bob tries to say something witty. He attempts to say "Newark is not a thriving metropolis", but instead says "Newark is not a thriving metropoli poli poli sa ses." He tries again "metropolio so so so sas." He gives it one more shot "metra pole sa sa sus." Girl gives Bob a strange look, quickly pays for her item and leaves without saying so much as a goodbye.

Moral of the story: Bob is a stuttering, fucking moron.

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Donatos Pizza is absolutely, unequivocally SHITTY.

It cost $15.00 for a single topping large pizza, a 2-liter of coke, and some garlic bread. I would have been better putting the money in a blender and adding laxatives as the result would have been the same.

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I am done.

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The Passion Of Christ, Mel Gibson's biblical opus, has stirred a lot of controversy. No major distribution company would touch it due to the volatile subject matter. Of course, they have no problem producing films about Neo-Nazis, teen sex, serial killers, the holocaust and a variety of other touchy subjects. The film was picked up by an independent movie distribution company, who had little to lose and everything to gain through showing this film in wide release. I understand this movie is not for everyone, personally, I would rather read the Gospels then sit in a theatre for several hours listening to Aramaic and Latin. But, I do take issue with the groups who claim the movie to be anti-Semitic because of its source material.

I have not viewed the film; therefore, my information is based upon media reports. Usually, I am a reluctant to accept a third parties opinion but the reported polarizing views between Christians and Jews says quite a bit. Apparently, the movie takes the Gospels literally giving the impression that Jews betrayed Christ. Several high profile Jewish leaders took issue with this fact. Conversely, the reported impression, by Christian religious leaders, has been extremely positive. Why do they disagree? Christians believe in the sanctity and historical accuracy of the New Testament, Jews do not. Jewish Rabbis won't accept this movie; excuse the pun, as "Gospel Truth" because their faith doesn't coincide with it. That doesn't make the movie anti-Semitic; it simply makes it rooted in Christian scripture and theology.

I spoke with the Miami graduate admissions liaison today. We spoke about the pedagogy of religion, what I would bring to the program and a variety of other bland topics. It was nice to learn that they only accept three students into the program every year. Even in such a specialized course of study as this the odds of only three students applying, including myself, is very rare. If four students apply, I am out. If three students and a monkey apply I am out again. Fuck, fuck fuckity fucker shit.

The week has started on a definite bad note.

While I am glad Dean had his pompous ass handed to him in Iowa, all is not well in the land of Oz. Mark my words John Edwards is the Communist Parties best hope to beat Bush. He is young, charismatic, from a southern state, and most importantly in league with the Devil, i.e. a lawyer. Sound familiar? He did extremely well in Iowa, all things considered, and really he is the biggest winner in that primary.

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I have found the heir to throne of the greatest movie ever made. I never thought that American Pie could be usurped, as it was the greatest piece of cinema ever created. I daresay it was guided by divinities own hand. However, if perfection can be bested Hugh Jackman would be the person to do it.

If only I could hibernate for five months, because the anticipation is slowly killing me.

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I am trying to watch Bowling for Columbine right now but am finding it very difficult to do so. It skews reality, to such a degree ,I am literally suffering from vertigo. Moore makes an occasional reasonable assertion but immediately thereafter resorts to childish rationale. For example there is a cartoon short in the film that attempts to explain America's violent tendencies. It attempts to be funny, I assume in a satirical sort of way, but instead is comical for its gross simplications and historical inaccuracy. Apparently, Michael Moore is not only a poor historian; he also managed to distort the meaning of the word documentary. Go to any search engine put in Bowling for Columbine and you will discover dozens of sites that point out just how misleading this documentary really is.

By the way I did find one segment of the documentary moving, which was the 911 audio tapes from the victims at Columbine and the actual security tape footage of the event. I was moved to tears. I did, perhaps willfully so, forget the horror that was Columbine, so at the very least this piece did remind me of the depths of human depravity. Though, I could have managed that by visiting the local Ponderosa.


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I look damn good. Can you tell it is a clip-on tie?

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After speaking with my college advisor yesterday a few things became evident: First, my professor thinks I have a boat load of potential. Second, that same professor believes I had "good" enough grades in undergraduate studies to make it into grad school. And finally, he believes that I would make a great newspaper columnist (if I work on my writing). Since the tone of the conversation was overly complimentary, I am willing to accept his one criticism. It feels good to have ones ego stroked and I haven't had the pleasure in quite a while. Of course I'd prefer a different type of stroking but 1-800-dial-awhore is too cost prohibitive.

Today I had a fairly good phone interview with a general manager from Pilot Travel Centers. He scheduled a face-to-face interview this Friday to see if I would be a good fit with the company. The job in question is a managerial position, where I would work with 3 other like minded souls under the auspices of a general manager. Honestly, I have no interest whatsoever in this position however; it appears to pay fairly well and would provide a means to escape from my own personal slice of purgatory, otherwise known as Da'Trailer. As of right now I plan on going to the interview, which is very rare, and who knows maybe I will be offered a position. Then again there is a very good chance I will rebuke this company, like most others, and instead focus my efforts on developing proper kegel technique.


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I am making an exception to my no abortion policy for the people who sent me this email. Someone needed to take foreclamps to their skull early on in the developmental process.

If you are going to attempt a con job please don't use ALL CAPS. That is just in poor taste.


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TRAORE KAMARA
ABIDJAN,IVORY COAST
TEL: +225 07388636
DEAR SIR,

PERMIT ME TO INFORM YOU OF MY DESIRE OF GOING INTO
BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. I GOT YOUR NAME AND
CONTACT FROM THE IVOIRIAN CHAMBER OF COMMERCE AND
INDUSTRY. I PRAYED OVER IT AND SELECTED YOUR NAME
AMONG OTHER NAMES DUE TO IT'S ESTEEMING NATURE AND
THE RECOMMENDATIONS GIVEN TO ME AS A REPUTABLE AND
TRUST WORTHY PERSON I CAN DO BUSINESS WITH AND BY
THEIR RECOMMENDATIONS I MUST NOT HESITATE TO CONFIDE
IN YOU FOR THIS SIMPLE AND SINCERE BUSINESS.

I AM Traore KAMARA, THE ONLY CHILD OF LATE MR AND
MRS KAMARA, MY FATHER WAS A VERY WEALTHY COCOA
MERCHANT BASED IN ABIDJAN, THE ECONOMIC CAPITAL OF
IVORY COAST BEFORE HE WAS POISONED TO DEATH BY HIS
BUSINESS ASSOCIATES ON ONE OF THEIR OUTING TO DISCUSS
ON A BUSINESS DEAL. WHEN MY MOTHER DIED ON THE 21ST
OCTOBER 1988, MY FATHER TOOK ME SO SPECIAL BECAUSE IAM
MOTHERLESS.

BEFORE THE DEATH OF MY FATHER ON 24TH NOVEMBER 2003
IN A PRIVATE HOSPITAL HERE IN ABIDJAN. HE SECRETLY
CALLED ME ON HIS BEDSIDE AND TOLD ME THAT HE HAS A
SUM OF US$16,500,000 (SIXTEEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED
THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) LEFT IN A SUSPENSE
ACCOUNT IN A LOCAL BANK HERE IN ABIDJAN, THAT HE USED
MY NAME AS HIS ONLY SON FOR THE NEXT OF KIN IN
DEPOSIT OF THE FUND.

HE ALSO EXPLAINED TO ME THAT IT WAS BECAUSE OF THIS
WEALTH THAT HE WAS POISONED BY HIS BUSINESS
ASSOCIATES, THAT I SHOULD SEEK FOR A FOREIGN PARTNER
IN A COUNTRY OF MY CHOICE WHERE I WILL TRANSFER THIS
MONEY AND USE IT FOR INVESTMENT PURPOSE ,(SUCH AS
REAL ESTATE MANAGEMENT).

SIR, IAM HONOURABLY SEEKING YOUR ASSISTANCE IN THE
FOLLOWING WAYS.

1) TO PROVIDE A BANK ACCOUNT WHERE THIS MONEY WOULD
BE TRANSFERED
2) TO SERVE AS THE GUARDIAN OF THIS FUND.
3) TO MAKE ARRANGEMENT FOR ME TO COME OVER TO YOUR
COUNTRY TO FURTHER MY EDUCATION AND TO SECURE A
RESIDENTIAL PERMIT FOR ME IN YOUR COUNTRY.

MOREOVER, SIR, I AM WILLING TO OFFER YOU 15% OF THE
TOTAL SUM AS COMPENSATION FOR YOUR EFFORT INPUT AFTER
THE SUCCESSFUL TRANSFER OF THIS FUND TO YOUR
NOMINATED ACCOUNT OVERSEA.

FURTHERMORE, YOU CAN INDICATE YOUR OPTION TOWARDS
ASSISTING ME AS I BELIEVE THAT THIS TRANSACTION WOULD
BE CONCLUDED WITHIN SEVEN (7) DAYS YOU SIGNIFY
INTEREST TO ASSIST ME.




ANTICIPATING HEARING FROM YOU SOON.

THANKS AND GOD BLESS.

BEST REGARDS.
TRAORE KAMARRA

Ponderosa poisoned me yesterday and as of yet I haven't recovered. It was either their fat-laden steak or greasy chicken wings that did the trick, boy what trick it was. I have suffered untold gastric agony in the past, much of which was documented here, but this may very well take the cake. I had to go potty constantly throughout the night, morning and now the afternoon. Though I was able to catch up on my reading so it could be worse.

Anyway enough about my defecation woes as I for once have something of substance to say.


Abortion is wrong. It is morally reprehensible and is akin to killing. I won't go so far as to say murder since that is more a legal definition and as of right now it doesn't apply. Do I hate people who have abortions? No, not at all though I do pity them. The act of taking another persons life must be incredibly difficult; thankfully I am not privy to that feeling. It must be even worse to take an innocent life. Or so I would hope. I am not going to sit here in judgment of the millions of women who have chosen this action because at this point it is too late. Instead I am focusing my ire on the millions of Americans who blindly support abortions rights simply because it is the politically correct thing to do. You are the problem and indirectly responsible for the millions of children who have died and will die in the future.

First and foremost whoever decided to wed feminism and abortion is an idiot. Women's rights do not trump human rights. Meaning a baby’s right to live does not come to secondary to a woman’s right of convenience. A woman should have the right to prevent pregnancy not to terminate it. The fact that millions of women believe it is their innate right to abort is a travesty against logic and human nature.

Personally the pro-choice segment I detest the most are the men. These jokers are guilty of both blindly supporting the cause because of its aforementioned connection to feminism and also denying their legal rights. Let’s tackle the former issue first. It takes a man and woman to create a baby. So one could easily see how each is heavily invested in the baby. With that in mind why is that men have no say when it comes to abortion. We don't get a vote in the matter, though if the pregnancy does go to term we are legally bound to support the child until it reaches eighteen years of age. Sounds fair right? Obviously it does not and it is absolutely ridiculous that any man would accept such a proposition, pro-life proponent or not.

Now as to why many men support the pro-choice agenda, well they are victims of their own apathy. They accept feminism at face value because that is politically correct thing to do. To question it would require effort and also lead to inevitable criticism. Honestly what is the upside for these guys? Being a man and pro-life supporter requires concerted effort, research and willingness to be labeled a misogynist. Thankfully I have been called much worse so I am fine with whatever the prattling P.C. masses deem fit to label me.


I am done ranting. I could go on much longer, make better points, but that is for another time and by much smarter person than I.

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I decided to call my hamsters Frodo and Sam in no small part due to Sonja. I seriously considered referring to them as Cain and Abel since they were not getting along. I have since seperated the troublesome duo into different cages.

Not a lot else to speak to right now but I wanted to share my decision since I know everyone was dying to know. That and I am very bored.

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While in Atlantic City I attempted to draw out money on my credit card. I specifically signed up for said card to use on my New Years trip. Sadly the card was denied everywhere. In a sense that is a good thing because I had no business drawing out several hundred dollars to gamble, and I wish my other card would have been denied as well when I tipped a certain busty waitress $250.00. The humiliation of having a card denied was minor compared to the humiliation of begging my father for my money. However, I did find it odd that my card was being denied so I called the bank today in hopes of ascertaining why. It seems that my account was flagged by Fraud Services when I used it a couple different bars. I spent several minutes verifying my name, social security #, address etcetera with the representative in order to reactivate my card. For the most part I was glad that the account was flagged, due to the aforementioned circumstance, and also because it was nice to know that they were looking out for my best interests. Of course my happiness did not last long as the representative ended the conversation by scolding me. I am slightly paraphrasing but here is the jest of what she said "In the future sir please call and inform us if you are leaving the area so that this situation does not occur again." I proceeded to hang up the phone and mutter a few choice words to myself.

There is a fine line between vigilance and mind your own fucking business. I will not now, nor will I ever, call my credit card companies to inform them of my itinerary. And in this case it wouldn't have mattered. I wasn't sure of my plans beyond D.C. so what was I supposed to do. Call them everyday with an update of where I am at. As fun as it sounds playing "Wheres Bobo" doesn't work for me.

Thanks but ultimately no thanks Fleet Visa. I will be paying off your card shortly, as in tonight, then promptly tearing it up. I am all for proactive customer service but do the draw the line at big brother type tactics to achieve that end.

Go to Hell


P.S. I have two new hamsters and need to come up with names. I was told that Hamster Beta and Hamster Tres wouldn't cut it so help a brother and float some names my way.

1,500 miles, a $310.00 tip, 8 days, and one blown tire later Bob is officially back.

Let us all rejoice. Of course I am several thousand dollars in debt now.....well ok several more thousand dollars in debt then I was before living.

I had a good time and it definitely provided a plethora of entertaining stories. I asked a girl to marry me, sadly she didn't accept. I gambled in Atlantic City, sat in the VIP section at a couple clubs and overall lived life like a rock star. There is so much more to tell but not right now. I am in mourning.

Hamster, my adorable hamster, passed on while I was away. I cried for several minutes upon learning the news. Hamster was a wonderful creature who died well before her time. I miss her. So I dedicate this post to you my furry, monkey-handed friend.

Goodbye.


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