Monday, August 02, 2004

Why I Hate the World

Mid April 2004

Alltel Publishing Rep: Thank you for signing the contract and faxing it back, I hope you enjoy your ad in the Auctioneer's section of the Yellow Pages.

Late May 2004 (After over one week of messages and being given the run around)

Alltel Publishing Rep # 2: Your original representative has left the company but I want to assure you that your ad will be in the upcoming Yellow Pages as your contract dictates.
We sent a notification to your father of his ad as a reminder; since you are putting an ad in for the first time we don't usually send such reminders.

Me: So, it is going to be in the Yellow Pages, right? I can send you my copy of the information, if you need it.

Alltel Publishing Rep # 2: No, that won't be necessary.

Late July 2004

Unknown Publishing Rep: I need to discuss your ad in the Yellow Pages.

Dad: My son takes care of that, can I have your phone # so he can call you back.

Unknown Publishing Rep: No, that is alright just wait till the phone back comes out to see if it is right.


Unknown Publishing Rep: Hangs Up

Monday August 2

Me: Dad I have some bad news.

Dad: You killed a hooker?

Me: No, not yet. The phone book doesn't have my auctioneer ad.

Dad: I knew it. I guess several phone calls, verifications and a contract doesn't mean what it used to.

Me: Yep.

Mom: Serves you right.

The above events did occur, pretty much as I have written them. Is there moral to this pathetic display of customer service? Yes, there is one. Alltel Publishing, who publishes the most popular local phone book, is staffed by mildly retarded Pandas.

Well now I can rely on the local newspaper, the Newark Advocate, for my advertising needs. In other words, I am fucked. I would probably be better off stapling an Auction sign to my ball sack, running around naked and repeating the Mantra "All your base belong to us."

Go to Hell