Thursday, March 25, 2004

Here is a post from February 27th of 2003. It managed to be both poignant and hilarious, all the while sharing a valuable lesson about life and love.

I hope you enjoy.

Thursday, February 27, 2003

What I am about to tell you, will most likely blow you away. In fact it may cause you to erupt in disbelief. I hope that you are able to swallow what I am going to say next: Performing fellatio does in fact nullify your virginity, and furthermore giving oral favors to dozens of guys does make you a slut.

Today many women believe that oral sex is “safe”, easy, and non-committal action that is the equivalent of heavy petting. A former president helped foster this viewpoint and in doing so insured the happiness of millions of men. However, their happiness comes at the cost of countless women’s self-respect and intelligence. Common sense screams that oral sex is a serious undertaking that deserves the same sense of importance attributed to coital intercourse. I personally have spoken with many women who hold the act of fellatio as an accepted 1st date practice, akin to a good night kiss. Of course they will not sleep with the guy until the 3rd date (another topic entirely) because they don’t want to come off as a slut. On the other hand I am good friends with many guys who benefited from the aforementioned girl’s casual use of oral sex, and rest assured ladies, they view you as “skanky sluts”. Am I being unfair, because there are two parties engaged in this action who both hold oral loving in such low esteem. Well, 99.9 % of all men do not perform cunnilingus on the 1st date, and usually on any other subsequent dates. In fact, based on intensive research, it takes substantial bribing (usually in the form of fellatio while watching Samurai Jack) for them to even consider that course of action.

So, here is the deal if you are a slut, then everything I said means nothing. A majority of men fall under this category, but women do you really want to be like guys? If so then quit kidding yourselves, instead use your womanly wiles to con men into going south of the equator. A naïve slut is an irrational concept, which is only practical in bad Soap Operas and Danielle Steele novels.

Go to Hell