Sunday, February 26, 2006

Not Enough Caffeine and Too Much J.R.R.

You ever wake up and just want to hit somebody in the face? Me too, though the real question is: have you ever woken up and wanted to eviscerate a smarmy elf? Really? I am the only one?


Wednesday, February 22, 2006

If Vaginas Could Talk

During my daily anthropological study of the human condition--watching The Maury Povich Show--I witnessed a very disturbing commercial. It was one of the most horrific scenes that I have ever witnessed. My mind, disturbed as it is, could not grasp the nightmarish landscape presented in the thirty second spot. Vaginal Menopausal Atrophy Study flashed across the screen, below it flowed a steady stream of middle aged women participating in various innocuous activities: one was gardening; another was sitting down; a group of them appeared to be praying to Satan. Ok, the first two are made up, but you know what I am talking about.

The blessed minded Bob did not know a vagina could atrophy, and if the vagina could wither like a winter blooming daisy, would not the same hold true for the penis. Will my penis begin to atrophy...holy shit...I don't got that much to begin with, it wouldn't take long for my little daisy to completely disappear. Think of it, my lil' buddy would shrink to nothingness, perhaps even caving unto itself, thus creating a vagina for a middle aged me. I am not sure I could stand losing my mini-Cyclops, he almost feels like he is a part of me.


Attack of The Conservative Dead

I am deeply enamored with Ann Coulter. She is witty, brilliant and a total bitch; three must-have qualities in a woman. However, this is not a flattering picture of Ann at her recent speaking engagement at Denison. I honestly don't believe this is the best photo avaliable to The Newark Advocate, one might even argue they purposely used an unflattering image--then again, I am talking about the worst regional newspaper in North America, which begs to reason that poor writing would be supported by equally shitty photography.



You may have noticed my post concerning marriage contracts is missing, if anyone has the full text please send it to me so I can repost; apparently Blogger had a system error and deleted it..that or the man has finally gotten around to censoring me.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Even the whores object

Absolute awesome personified.


Lupercalia and the bloody goats

Happy Valentine's Day. I am alone, embittered and bemoaning my lonely, bitter existence. In other words, it is like any other days but with chocolate. I hope everyone has a special someone to hold tight tonight, it is good to have someone to love, be it on this day or any other. Just remember: statistics suggest that you or your loved one has cheated, is cheating or will cheat. Are you the cuckold or the miserable son of a bitch? I can only hope both.