Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Go to Hell
September was a good month; I participated in two successful auctions, witnessed this blog reach an average of well over forty-five visits a day, and I ate a twelve inch sub from the local deli. Sadly, only two of those acts stand up against scrutiny, while the other appears to be far from a meritorious accomplishment.
At this rate I Hate You will have nearly 1500 unique visits by the end of the month. Now, I understand that isn't an extreme amount, but the little girl I keep locked in the closet was beaming with pride at the accomplishment. Upon further research, I discovered 81% of those who visited the blog-of-blogs stayed for under five seconds. I read at an average of 750 to 1,000 words a minute, which is a fairly rapid pace. Assuming the 81% read at same rate as me, the most they could view in five seconds would be 62.5 to 83.3 words. My average post contains 224 words, which means the overwhelming majority of you read, at most, 1/3 of a single post.
I am saddened by the fact: No, I am enraged at the fact. Therefore, I now promise to write a more inclusive blog, one that speaks to all peoples, colors, genders and nationalities. Actually that sounds like a lot work, instead I am going to include the phrase anal sex porn midget in this text, leading to a huge influx of traffic. Hopefully the desperate porn legions, looking for a free glimpse of anal sex porn midget will vainly search throughout the site.
All they will find is: