Monday, November 07, 2005

Two posts in one day. Wow, I must be really bored.



I am a digital voyeur. Trust me the title sounds a lot more interesting than it really is. I don't place cameras in women's restrooms, I don't peek through windows at the neighbor's teenage daughter, if only my disorder was so visually fulfilling. Real voyeurs (Did I just write "real voyeurs," it is a sad day when you can't even claim the title social deviant) watch actual life being lived, I get my kicks off reading what others write about life. I don't like watching sports, but I am all for reading sports columns. Bedding a woman is too much effort, rather I read about it on erotic stories websites (at the very least, I am still a socially recognized pervert.) Interacting with friends and family takes away from my me time, instead I opt to read online blogs and journals. I like to call it the vicarious life.

My high speed connection was terminated a couple months back; this has severely limited my voyeuristic opportunities. Thank God for the newspaper, cable news and imaginary friends, most notably Richard Irksome and Bethany Gonealltheway. Though, I am seriously considering leaving my tin-foil roof abode and venturing out into the wilds that is Newark. I will need to start slowly, perhaps a trip to Wal-Mart is in order.

Simply put, I need to get a life and/or laid--of course, I am assuming one doesn't precipitate the other.


Go to Hell

This rambling mass of text contains a ton of errors and isn't worth reading--Guaranteed!


A lot has happened in the world since my last post, here is a rundown of the relevant events: Bush created a hurricane that only targeted poor black folk, which is even more extraordinary when you consider that Bush was the cause of all black poverty in the first place; I gained another fifteen pounds and took one more step towards premature death caused by heart disease; Chicago won a World Series Championship, of course it was by the other Chicago team, the White Sox, and no one gives two shits about them; my little brother made a traveling basketball All-Star team, in nine years he has already eclipsed the sum total of all my athletic achievements--I feel like Danny DeVito in Twins; USC defeated Notre Dame, which actually lead to Charlie Weiss being offered and subsequently signing a ten-year contract, you don't have to win the big game but it does help to keep it close, words to live by, TY; George W. nominated a woman to the Supreme Court, she was instantly referred to as unqualified and stupid by Republican pundits, most notably Ann Coulter, this proves that even vivacious blonde mega-minds can't overcome the absolute common denominator in all women...cattiness/being-a-colossal-bitch-towards-all-other-women; after Harriet gracefully--much to her credit, all things considered--withdrew, Bush nominated a qualified and well versed Supreme Court nominee, too bad he is a white male; father started building a new home and it looks to be finished by Thanksgiving, too bad I am not allowed to live there, he mentioned something about no unemployed twenty-something allowed; I took the LSAT and did better than the great majority of people, sadly I didn't do nearly well enough, though with my stellar GPA my list of potential law schools numbered between 0 and 1; and finally, the Muslims decided to take over France in a bloody revolution--who says being poor, uneducated and breed to hate doesn't result in anything good, then again they are rebelling against France which is akin to revolting against a paper bag, albeit one containing fine wine, cheese and a pack of cigarettes. (this is truly painful to read, isn't it? Somewhere my middle-grade English teacher, Mrs. Kennedy, is slowly shaking her size-too-small head.)


Anyway, enough about pertinent world events, instead I wanted to share a couple good reads, both being in genres that you probably don't read exhaustively, unless you count the walking literary abortion Stephen King and that daft whore who writes about a thick-rimmed girl named Harry. Each is part of a larger trilogy, which is to their detriment, but they manage to be entertaining enough to overcome the curse that is the modern-day obsession with series--remember when a stand-alone book or movie was commonplace, now everything is created with a series in mind, though their are usually barely enough ideas to fill one project, more less three. I digress; the point is read the following books because they are enjoyable and most likely much different than your usual selections.

The first book, Writ in Blood: Serenity Falls 1, is a horror novel, though it isn't particularly terrifying or demented--the two staples of modern Horror. Don't expect heavy-handed & adjective-laden prose (see Stephen King if that is your cup of piss) or demented imagery (Bentley Little and Jack Ketchum are the talent-challenged, albeit enjoyable, hacks you seek); instead, it is one part supernatural detective story and two parts historical narrative concerning a town that burned witches, murdered carneys & made unknowing deals with the devil.

It was originally published as a single novel encompassing 700+ pages, which was only available in a severely limited fashion, a couple years later it was expanded and turned into a trilogy. I never read the stand-alone novel, though I would bet that great majority of the first book didn't require much clarification or expansion. Like I mentioned earlier, it doesn't work so well as a trilogy, but as a stand-alone book it is an enjoyable and fast-moving read. If you have the free time, the final two books are not completely devoid of value, they are just relatively, for lack of a better explicative, shitty by comparison.


My second recommendation, Whisper of Waves, is a fantasy novel published by Wizard's of the Coast. If you know anything about fantasy or geekdom in general, you understand that this is the company that publishes Dungeons & Dragons material, this includes tie-in fiction novels, which this is, at least ostensibly, an example of. Generally, these types of novels require a cursory understanding of D&D and some background in the actual fantasy world they take place; this work is no different, however, one would require ignorance of all fantasy archetypes--which is hard to find in today's world dominated by Lord of the Rings & Sherry Potter--to have trouble following this book. Put simply: the story takes place in a world where magic can alter the very fabric of reality; where dragons roam the skies and sometimes even the don the shape of man; dwarves work as shipbuilders, not as hand-maidens to Snow White; a universe where anything is possible, especially when it's convenient as a literary device. There, you are now prepared to read the book.

The actual novel is fascinating story, where every major character is morally ambiguous, this is not a story about defeating an evil wizard, or good conquering evil in any real sense; it is the story of a engineering genius who seeks to build a canal, even though it is apparently impossible, due largely to political interests. This character could just as easily be the protagonist in an Ayn Rand novel, or as an example of Nietzsche's √úbermensch. Obviously, this novel is not a thought out philosophical dissertation, but it does contain quite a few pages of intellectual discourse and debate--which is exceedingly rare in any fantasy novel, especially one that comes in well under 400 pages. Also, the interactions of the major characters, each falling more into the category of anti-hero than either hero or villain, is entertaining, thought-provoking and perversely endearing.

Sadly, this book serves as a set-up for the next two in the series, it does not come to any sort of reasonable fruition, which means if you enjoy the story, it then becomes necessary to read the final two stories. And, since thee next two books won't be out for a couple years, you are in for quite a wait. Bearing all this mind, not to mention the tendency for the quality of trilogy to be uneven, I still heartily recommend this book. Remember, it never hurts to get in touch with your inner nerd, assuming you do so in private and never mention it to anyone else.

Go to Hell