Saturday, December 18, 2004

Too Much Caffenine, Too Little Life to Live

I have a great idea. A thought that will change the course of human history; mankind will forevermore be in my debt after sharing this plan. People will say: "Where did Bob learn of such an idea? It is as if he sat at the foot God and learned his divine wisdom." Brace yourself, seriously, make sure you are sitting down or holding on to something for support, because here it is.

We need to oxygenate space. Imagine for a moment, if you will, filling the vacuous void with clean, crisp Terran air. Instead of swimming in the oceans and risking the wrath of Great White Sharks and Giant Squids, we will now be able to swim through space; to sit at doorstop of heaven and hear the Angelic Chorus sing of impossible possibilities.

Now I know that it will take a a lot of air to fill the infinite void that is space, but we have plenty of it on Earth to go around. I figure if everyone learns to take really shallow breathes, Oxygenated Space can be a reality within my lifetime or so the Devil-Goat tells me.

For the very first time, Space will be a breath of fresh air.

Go to Hell

Corrective Racism

Me: Loading furniture sucks...I don't like this part of the business

Dad: Yea, there is a lot of nigger work in the antique business.

I considered scolding him for being a racist, but that has yet to work, so I went with another strategy.

Me: Dad, you told me that blacks were lazy and, by in large, wished only to live off of government aid.

Dad: Yea, they are no good.

Me: If blacks are lazy, then how is loading furniture "nigger" work? You have told me, time and again, that they (Africoons) don't work unless forced to, and then, only for short periods of time; therefore how can any sort of labor--physical or otherwise-- be associated with them (Antique Farm Equipment). Isn't black the antithesis of work--or was that white.

Dad: What are you trying to say?

Me: Well, I know of a very industrious race, a group of people that work hard and often find themselves engaged in menial, physical labor. Perhaps you should have said "Yea, there is a lot of wetback work in the antique business."

Dad: I like that. I like that a lot, son. Let’s go get lunch, I am buying.

Racism--The key to a good father-son relationship.

Go to Hell