Friday, March 07, 2003

I have a startling, and very personal revelation to share with everyone today. I am coming out of the closet and announcing that yes I am a heterosexual. This may come as a surprise to some of you (approximately 2.5 billion, including two ex-girlfriends) but I couldn't deny it any longer. There have been numerous signs, including a preoccupation with large breasts, yet many are probably still surprised. Hopefully now that the truth is out in the open, we can develop a healthy relationship. One based on honesty, and hot, heavy sex. And, to help you (women) to identify men whose heterosexuality is in question I offer the following sure-proof list. If a guy has three or more of these characteristics, then rest assured he wants to ravage your womanly virtue.

1. He stares at your bosom, while holding a conversation.
2. He stares at your bosom regardless of season, holiday or weather
3. He stares at your bosom when you wear cute, tight-fitting sweaters, low cut dresses, and my personal favorite tight t-shirts.
4. He truly cares for you, is there when you need, and gives you the best hugs. Though sometimes he grazes your breasts for prolong periods of time, while comforting you of course.
5. He listens to what you’re saying, and doesn't just want you for sexual gratification. Of course listening requires him to remain fixated on your breasts.
6. Finally, said man has a predication to humping your leg while intoxicated and speaking to your bosom.



And, for everyone who are surprised and shocked today's revelation

GO TO HELL