Friday, May 30, 2003

I am functionally retarded when it comes to mathematics. After a preliminary interview with a Devry admissions councilor, I opted to take the entrance exam. I figured how hard could it be. The test was divided up into two parts with each having a thirty minute time limit. The English language skills and reading comprehension section was easy and took a grand total of twelve minutes to complete. I missed one reading comp. question that was improperly phrased so it shouldn't have counted. Anyway, the math part comes next. Jesus H. Fucking Holy Christ Almighty I never felt so dumb in my life. The councilor told me it covered "college level math". Sadly, my grasp of mathematics is equivalent to a dyslexic Amish boy who suffers from Downs Syndrome. To make a long story short, I guessed on virtually every god damn question. The only thing I was sure of was my name and honestly if I hadn't filled that out first thing it would probably been wrong. This was legitimately the first time in sixteen years of test taking that I felt stupid. As fate would have it I did squeak by with a 24/40, meeting the minimum requirements.

Of course my deficiency in this area is not my fault, instead the blame falls on the assortment of big breasted girls who sat by me in math class since 7th grade. Every year I sat behind, beside or otherwise uncomfortably near a young lady with full, luscious boobies. The choice between paying attention to the quadratic equation and day dreaming about stuffing my fat face between those heavenly mounds was non-brainer. Obviously I sided with the breasts. One may inquire how I ever passed any math class if my attention was always diverted. I was a perpetual cheat, and a damn good one at that. As luck would have it a bright, budding mathematician was always sited next to me, so it was fairly simple to ascertain the answers every test.

Today's lessons

1. Breasts are a privilege and not a right. 2. Bob is a horny idiot. 3. Math is for losers


go to hell