Monday, September 20, 2004

Interview with a racist

Me: Hey, did you see that black girl over there? Baby got back and then some.

Unnamed friend: That girl isn't black. She is just really tan.

Me: No, I am pretty sure she is black, probably bi-racial.

Unnamed friend: Bi-racial? Oh, you mean she is black with an asterisk.

Me: You are my hero.

Unnamed friend: Bemused expression I probably shouldn't have said that.

Me: I will give you a dollar if you say that to her face.

Unnamed friend: No, that is alright.

Me: Silent, hidden racism isn't funny. Oh, I long for the Jim Crow days of yore. I can't get enough of the "you have to be this pink to eat here" signs that littered the South only scant decades ago.

Author's Clarification

The following didn't happen, exactly. It is a fictional recreation of a conversation with a friend, who is too much of a pussy to own his words, and his creation and subsequent use of the term "black with an asterisk."

Let me perfectly clear here, I am not a racist; I just happened to befriend several dozen of them over the years. I love all peoples: the blacks, the Jews, the Canadians, even the French. Well, I do hate the Mexicans, but doesn't everybody? Ok, I am kidding. I don't like the Jews either.

Go to Hell

The self proclaimed next big thing broke his leg.

For some reason I don't feel bad for him. You would think he was pretty limber, and not prone to leg injuries, considering how often his foot is in his mouth.

Go to Hell

She wore "a white strapless dress"; I thought you had to be chaste to wear white. Not that innocent, my ass, more like "a whole lot of whore."

Pleasantries asides, I do wish you and the back up dancer the best, and when you get divorced sixteen months from now, know that I will be waiting for you. I might not be handsome, extremely well built, but remember Britney, I AM NOT A FUCKING BACK UP DANCER. You would be better off marrying a homeless transient who collects pubic hair from public restrooms.

Just do me one favor: Don’t give your public support to George W. Bush anymore; he is better served by forged documents and inflammatory allegations of cocaine use at Camp David.

Go to Hel

Authors Note: I once loved Britney, but now know she is a dirty, stupid whore. Now, I only have eyes for my Conservative Athena, Ann Coulter.