Sunday, May 25, 2003

While driving to my dad's store to deal with some customer service issues (stupid bastards don't understand how to answer their email) I spied a billboard stating "Abstinence 79% of Licking County teenagers is doing it". At first I doubted its veracity. Now, if one categorized children ages one to ten years of age as teenagers then I would believe 79% are not sexually active. Well, ok at least 60 %. But there is no way on God's green earth that you can convince me that nearly 8/10 teenagers, in my area, are refraining from sex. First of all the billboards use of Abstinence is flawed, because I know for fact 9/10 teenagers here have no idea what that term means. In fact it wouldn't be a surprise if they confused the term with a similar sounding Halluncengenic English drink. . I have more faith that the 80 % of the local pubescent population are seeing Christiana Aguilera headed spiders rather then not getting it on. My second major issue with the billboard is ambiguity surrounding the term Abstinence. Depending on how a questionnaire is worded it is plausible that a young lady takes up the # 2 spot from one guy while suckling on another’s Private Ryan and she would still answer that she is a virgin. Realistically the term should cover all intimate sexual contact that in anyway involves an orifice. However the surveyors are often either too naive or just willfully ignorant to include sexual contact beyond vaginal insertion in their studies. There is very little statistical data that identifies the prevalence of oral and anal sex amongst young people; in fact there is nothing beyond anecdotal evidence.

Many of you may disagree with my assertion that oral & anal sex despoils virginity. Well you either fall into one of two categories. Either you are a whore or a Sunday Christian. The first term is self-explanatory while the second term is analogous to being a hypocrite. Regardless common sense dictates that girls going down on guys and guys well getting downed on should not claim sexual purity. The term abstinence means to "refrain from indulging ones appetite" and having the pretty little blonde next door kiss your special place is indulging oneself, not denying. Of course I have no problem with people being promiscuous, as some of my best friends are slutty whores. Yet, I do have a problem with deluding the self and in the case of the billboard deceiving others. Your sex life is no ones business, when you are a self sufficient adult. Conversely when you are underage, or even in college, and dependant on guardians for financial security, those same folk who provide housing, money, and food have a stake in your sex life. If you knock someone up, or get knocked up they are responsible for repercussions as much as you, at least financially. Furthermore if you get an STD or simply have an emotional breakdown because Johnny didn't call after you licked his lollipop they have to deal with your stupid ass

The billboard is blatantly lying to parents. They have a false sense of security. The already blind eye that mommy and daddy have concerning their children's faults is significantly magnified in scope when they read 79% aren't doing it. Adding insult to injury that their tax dollars, be it local, state or federal are being used to construct elaborate lies, so that they will feel better.

Everyone needs to wake up, get a clue and take responsibility.

Jesus......I am such a hypocrite.

anyway

go to hell