Friday, February 11, 2005

An Exercise in Egocentricity (THE FOLLOWING IS A DIRTY LIE)

This blog has existed for two years, along the way, often in spite of myself, I managed to be entertaining, funny, occasionally witty, and, on rare occasion, thought provoking. So, with those thoughts in minds, here is to me.

I have literally dozens of readers from around the globe--I am really big in Norway; the site has seen nearly fifty thousand unique visitors, which means my devoted twenty-six regular readers have way too much time on their hands. was never meant to be popular--and it really isn't--but I am flattered by those folk who enjoyed reading it. I truly enjoyed providing you, the deviant few, a semi-regular dose of shits and giggles. Here is to you.

My immediate family never cared for this blog. They weren't supposed to know about it, but the little brother, little bitch that he is, tattled on me. He came over to escape the wrath of she-who-hates-her-offspring. I, like any concerned brother, handed him the remote control and told him to leave me the fuck alone. My intention was not for him to look over my shoulder as I wrote a post about sexually molesting a mule--you see, I really wanted him to leave me the fuck alone, but he saw what he saw, told what he saw and made me even more of a pariah in the household.

My father pointed out that this was a waste of time and no one, not even those of the disturbed mind, would read it. Mom eloquently pointed out that I was a stupid bitch writing weirdo shit. I agreed, at least in principle, with father, but vehemently disagreed with mother's assertion. I prefer to think of myself as a weird bitch writing stupid shit. Nonetheless, I knew that this blog was an exercise in ego, a means to express what I should say, and lament what I didn't say. I didn't care what my family , or, for that matter anyone else, thought. In other words, this was my platform--one that often failed to live up to my minds eye, but always managed to make me think and/or shit. However, I did say a few things I regretted and stopped short of communicating several things I really meant.

The anonymity of the internet communication is a dangerous thing; one has a forum where they can say virtually anything, mention the otherwise unmentionable, all the while being protected from serious confrontation by the artificial veil of electronic irresponsibility. The truth, which I have alluded to before, is that I generally care for most people. Push comes to shove, I think the best of mankind--and yes, I even think the same of womankind, even if they are deceitful hell-spawned-hags. Bob hates stupid but he loves people. This blog has limited my discussion to mostly negatives, and while bitching is fun, it isn't productive. I have a lot to say about the world, some of it bad, some of it good, and most of it awkwardly funny, however; this is no longer the place to express it.

I plan on writing in the future: be it in the form of letters to the editor, columns in a zine, short stories on a Lovecraft fan-site, or a semi-autobiographical novel about college. Writing this blog has been a great experience because it has proven that I can spin a clever sentence, even when forgetting to use a comma properly, or ending on a preposition by. Who knows, maybe someday, or Saturday (sounded funny to me), you will read something else of mine and cleverly remark on how my prose has degenerated from speaking about an itchy rectum to commenting on my wife's smelly uterus. One can only hope, in the meantime, this is goodbye.

The archives will remain for a few months, so if there was ever a time to share the abundance of shite that is, it is now. Thanks again for being my audience and stroking my ego in ways that only a Vietnamese prostitute knows how.

God Bless

And least I forget,

Go to Hell