Monday, March 31, 2003

I am so god awful tired... I only had 5 hours of sleep......which really isn’t that bad but considering my affinity for 12-16 hours of rest it seems like torture. In one week I attend Auctioneering School, so in the coming months if you have any junk to sale (or virgin brides) looks me up

If you read my previous posts it is clear how I feel about the conflict with Iraq. Yet, since the war has started my feelings are beginning to change. Not because of casualties, which are sadly expected or collateral damage, equally sad? No, I am tired of all the war coverage. Every damn news program is saturated with war information. And, guess what? THEY ALL SAY THE SAME FUCKING THING. In fact I can paraphrase the last couple weeks of coverage in one sentence "Stuff was blew to high hell, some people died and the war has taken longer then 30 seconds to finish". No one has given any new or relevant insight into war. In fact all the networks and cable news programs are simply attempting to sale the war. They are making the news a fucking commodity, to be purchased at the sake of your intelligence and time....and guess what as usual the lemmings eat it up like cyanide laced kool-aid. Here is the deal Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather and Peter Jennings are all TALKING HEADS WHO READ FROM A TELEPROMPTER, THEY HAVE NO REAL INSIGHT INTO ANYTHING AND ARE THE HUMAN EQUVALIENT OF SEA MONKEYS. I doubt that journalism was ever a noble or worth-while profession but it is awfully clear now that it is simply another product marketed to retarded aborted blow-jobs, i.e. you the public.

I hope we win the war, for the good of the USA and subsequently the world. Furthermore I hope that casualties, on both sides, are kept to a minimum. But, I don't need a play by play, hour on the hour, to keep me informed and engaged. We train our soldiers to a job, which I admire immensely, so I hope the fucking parasitic journalists wise up and let them do it in relative peace.

As usual

Go to hell

Sunday, March 30, 2003

I came back from Florida on Thursday with a new found respect for my home. In the past I have equated my hometown with a bowl of human excrement covered in gad flies, and well that is still true. However, the Sunshine state is equally insidious and perhaps even worse due to one fact. NO ONE SPEAKS ENGLISH. The hotel manager was from Delhi, the maids from Costa Rica and I pretty damn sure this one guy at 7-11 was a fucking alien. Before continuing ranting, let me assure that I have nothing against Spanish speakers or foreigners beyond my general disgust for all peoples. In fact you could call me an equal opportunity racist who discriminates despite race, religion, physical handicap and bust size. Anyway, it was eerily similar to the language lab I had to take in college. Meaning I couldn't understand a god damn thing but I am pretty sure someone was fucking mocking me. Beyond the obvious communication problem when people speak different languages, there is another issue. That being I CAN'T FUCKING GET MY ROOM CLEANED PROPERLY OR GET THE RIGHT ROOM SERIVCE ORDER WHEN THE OTHER PERSON CAN'T HABLO INGLES. Basically it comes down to my personal comfort, and since I was forced a total of 6 years of college and high school to speak another language, I know refuse. You know if I moved to Mexico, Spain, or India I would learn the language or accept like as a second-class citizen. Though, being an English speaker does have its advantages since we spent the last 300 years forcing everyone else to learn our language. Though, lately think how well that forced Western English speaking cultural dominance has worked out. It’s not like 3/4's of the world hate us. So, it’s no wonder I hate others who force me to adhere to their way of life..........god damn comeuppance sure does suck.

Forget the rant. I thought there was a lucid thought in there, but it looks to be mindless dribble.

Well you can still go to hell

Thursday, March 20, 2003

We are at war. Wonder who will win?

Reality keeps slapping me in the face like a dejected college freshman girl who was a participant in a five-way... well you get the point. My latest plan is two-fold. First I will invest my meager income in the most reliable market of all, then defy the law of averages and win several million dollars. After "earning" these riches, with all my hard work, I will proceed to spend money like crazy on expensive champagne and cheap women. Though, within a couple years even that plan will leave me where I am at now, broke and jobless. Dad and I have discussed sending me to auction school, and eventually opening up an auction house. Might be a good idea, at least I would work for myself but you wouldn't believe how shitty of a boss I can be. Well, I got to go stick my head in a toilet in hopes of recapturing my youth (damn college bullies) Two more days and I am driving to Florida

Wish me lots of luck,

And GO TO HELL

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

Monday's suck, as do Monday nights and early Tuesday mornings. It is 12:58 est and I am lonely. Usually I enjoy wallowing in solitude though on occasion it does get to be too much. I could go check out some hot college girls, or just sit here, mope and eventually fall asleep. I need to be more social, and quit acting like a pubescant 14 year old girl. But, for now I will probably just go to bed.

Damn I am cheery tonight,

go to hell

Sunday, March 09, 2003

Not much to talk about this weekend. I looked over a couple pictures from a few weeks ago and realized a couple things; I have a gorgeous ass, and my head is a reminiscent of a gigantic ball of fat.

Anyway, maybe I will post some pictures of myself later this week, or not. Either way you know the drill.

go to hell

Friday, March 07, 2003

I have a startling, and very personal revelation to share with everyone today. I am coming out of the closet and announcing that yes I am a heterosexual. This may come as a surprise to some of you (approximately 2.5 billion, including two ex-girlfriends) but I couldn't deny it any longer. There have been numerous signs, including a preoccupation with large breasts, yet many are probably still surprised. Hopefully now that the truth is out in the open, we can develop a healthy relationship. One based on honesty, and hot, heavy sex. And, to help you (women) to identify men whose heterosexuality is in question I offer the following sure-proof list. If a guy has three or more of these characteristics, then rest assured he wants to ravage your womanly virtue.

1. He stares at your bosom, while holding a conversation.
2. He stares at your bosom regardless of season, holiday or weather
3. He stares at your bosom when you wear cute, tight-fitting sweaters, low cut dresses, and my personal favorite tight t-shirts.
4. He truly cares for you, is there when you need, and gives you the best hugs. Though sometimes he grazes your breasts for prolong periods of time, while comforting you of course.
5. He listens to what you’re saying, and doesn't just want you for sexual gratification. Of course listening requires him to remain fixated on your breasts.
6. Finally, said man has a predication to humping your leg while intoxicated and speaking to your bosom.



And, for everyone who are surprised and shocked today's revelation

GO TO HELL

Thursday, March 06, 2003

Give peace a chance. Why go to war now? Bush is using the war to promote interests of his big oil friends. Gonzo is my king.

What do all these statements have in common? Actually two things, first they are all drug induced fantasies and second each statement is held as gospel by anti-war protesters. I have nothing against peaceful protest in virtually every context. Anti-abortion advocates should have the right to protest against abortion clinics, PETA should have the right to preach retarded love-all animals like human dogma, and anti-war protesters are entitled to their opinion. However, I do hold a group responsible to understand why they are protesting, and furthermore to be able to offer alternative solutions to the issue at contention. I daresay most anti-war protesters have no clue as to they are standing up, so they should simply sit down. I listened (a conservative radio show) today as a Dennis Prager interviewed random students at UCLA, who were protesting the possible war against Iraq. One bubbly young woman had no idea who Iraq had invaded in past, another (who was a history major) felt that no war is justifiable. Both cases demonstrated the sorry state of higher education and more to the point the blatant ignorance of the protesters. Personally most people I know who are against the war in Iraq; do not even have a rudimentary understanding of the facts. You don't need a doctorate in U.N. diplomatic relations but you should know where Iraq is located and who they invaded 12 years ago. Anyway I am going to respond the initial statements and quell any myths surrounding the impending conflict.

Peace has been given a chance in the form of a few dozen U.N. (non-violent) propositions requiring disarmament. Also, over a decade has passed with little gained through peaceful diplomacy.
September 11th demonstrated America's vulnerability. Iraq, with Saddam Hussein and party in power, are a very real and viable threat to our future security. We had multiple opportunities to apprehend Osama Bin Laden and combat terrorism before the tragedy of 9/11. Instead we decided to wait and see. You know how that worked out. So, time is of the essence.
George Bush most assuredly has connections to oil companies and lobbyists. Guess what, so has virtually every Congressman and President in the last century. George Bush Sr. did not seize Kuwaiti oil during the Gulf War, in fact he liberated it. Economically speaking the cost of this war versus the potential profit (approximately 2.5 million dollars a day) from seizing Iraqi oil is non-existent. Profitability would not be accomplished until well after George Bush's second term was over. And, George Bush has repeatedly stated the oil reserves would remain under the control of the Iraqi people.
Gonzo was way cooler than Kermit and extremely too sexy for the whore Miss Piggy. Therefore he really is the king.

Go to hell
Mr. Rogers died a few days ago, and for a brief moment I felt a pang of sadness. To be honest I was not a great fan of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, and have very few memories related to him or the show. Tonight while looking on the web I found a link to a very remarkable article. It was written five years ago for Esquire magazine. My understanding was that the author originally intended to find the "real" Mr. Rogers and expose him. The article does reveal the "real" Mr. Rogers; it shows him to be one of the most remarkable of human beings and all because he simply cared. Anyone and everyone should read this piece, whether you were an avid fan of Mr. Rogers, an occasional viewer or simply someone who recognizes his name because in a few thousand words I was let in on the beauty of his neighborhood and left with a profound sense of happiness. The world lost a beautiful soul, and if only in passing I am better person for comprehending it.

God bless and remember

Mr. Rogers loves us all

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

Obesity is a serious problem facing many Americans today. Depending on whom you believe it may very well be the number one cause of death in the United States. Of course it makes my parents to beam with pride to know I am contributing to this deadly epidemic. Then again Americans live so damn long anyway eventually something has to claim us. Other then dying under a beautiful blonde gymnast instructor, I can't think of a better way to go then by eating a nice greasy hamburger. Yet, I fully admit to selling out and trying to conform. According to the fat nazis I am obese. Now this is a huge improvement over two years ago when I was classified as morbidly obese, otherwise referred to as fucking fat. Currently I am working out 6 days a week to lose 20 or 100 pounds so I will be considered healthy. The last two months have entailed between 10-14 hours a week of cardio and weight training. That is roughly over eighty hours I have dedicated to personal fitness. And, I wonder why? 14 year old girls lift heavier weights, 80 year old men last longer on the treadmill and stationary bike, yet I continue to humiliate myself in order to attain a "healthy" lifestyle. Something is wrong here. I really empathize with women, because they have dealt with societal peer pressure towards body image since forever However, I am a guy, at one time men were expected to be big and burly. Now, everyone from People Magazine to the fucking National Institute of Health demands that I work out for hundreds of hours, eat protein laced pig manure, and feel good about it. You know what; fuck them I am on strike from the health establishment. Furthermore ladies this is an invitation for all of you to go on strike as well. Enjoy yourself, and don't try to look like skeletor. By the way I have a history with big women, so next time you take a bite out of a cheeseburger rest assured that you can always land a guy like me. Maybe sometime I will relate my experience with the 6 foot tall 350 lb girl from the internet.......anyway I am done ranting and raving. My new goal is to feel good, eat well and on occasion visit the gym. Because, honestly the 80 hours I dedicated to fitness, would have been otherwise used for sleep and "personal" time.

As usual

Go to hell

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

I need a job. Nearly 23 years of life has netted a total of 12 weeks, and 4 days of gainful employment. In many countries I would have been killed long ago for my slothful behavior. Of course in America we give the perpetually lazy and jobless endless supplies of credit cards, constantly enticing them to spend money they do not have and most likely will never attain. (Unless by illegal means) My parents are fed up with my behavior, in particular the daily lack of drive that I demonstrate and perpetual unemployment. One could psychoanalyses why I do not want to work; some would argue (persuasively) a lack of childhood discipline and spoiled lifestyle. My take is that God blessed certain people with desire and a strong work ethic, others he gave blissful ignorance and willingness to do a job regardless of its means or end. A certain few were given the most precious gift of all, the compulsory desire to dissect and bitch about the state of everything while simultaneously having a strong apathy towards doing anything useful about it. Wonder which group I fall in? Well, if by miraculous chance anyone reads this, please email with possible job opportunities (especially those that pay exceedingly well for minimal effort).

Monday, March 03, 2003

The final sign of the acopolypse is upon us. It all started with "Who wants to marry a millionaire". At that point I knew the end was near. And, now we have the final harbinger of doom. I should complain about the immoral premise of this show, or how it demonstrates the utter hypocrisy of marriage in America. But, you know it is just too easy a target to deconstruct and ridicule. And, frankly it is too depressing to give much thought. Well, at least when the end of the world commences I will be at the epicenter of the fiery destruction, so my suffering will be minimal. It is the little things like imminent oblivion that make my life so wonderful.

Have a nice day,

And go to hell



Saturday, March 01, 2003

I live in a human cesspool, not far removed from the first layer of hell itself. Today all I wanted was to eat at Red Lobster. Not because I like seafood, because most sea faring creatures make me ill. No, I wanted Red Lobster for one simple reason; they have the greatest biscuits/rolls in the universe. After picking out a computer for my dad, and coming home from Columbus, the family decided we would go out to eat. Also since my little brother was spending the night at my sisters, we could eat in relative peace. Of course upon arrival, I notice the entire parking lot is full and furthermore when we entered the lobby, there were at least two dozen people waiting. So, no Red Lobster for me. Instead we went to the local Garfields, where I threw a fit, and took a nap in the car. The last part is actually true. Two things are readily apparent from today's debacle, my hometown needs more dining options and second I am a gigantic crybaby with the emotion maturity level of retarded 2 year old chimpanzee.

How great it is to be me,

Go to Hell