Saturday, May 31, 2003

There is a "Strawberry Festival" downtown, near where I work, which brought out the
local yokels in full force. I joke about living in a city full of degenerate simpletons but I
always felt these folks were the exception not the rule. As usual my optimism was
unfounded. My hometown must be located at the epicenter of the ignorant poor white
trash population and/or the gates of hell.

Walking amongst the concessions stands and carnival rides was a surreal experience. I was bombarded with alien sights and sounds that could have been taken straight from a H.P. Lovecraft story. Misshapen creatures,covered in strange symbols, who spoke in guttural voices, surrounded me. Every instinct told me to escape or least I lose my sanity. I knew these "things" were not inter-dimensional monstrosities seeking global annihilation, no the truth was much worse. They were my fellow citizens, the people who shared my place of birth. Evil has many faces but its most frightening would have to be a 400 lb. drunken hick woman who was covered in prison style tattoos. She smiled at me. I knew true and absolute fear.


I have tried to fight them for nearly 23 years but perhaps it was all for naught. I live in a
trailer, am unemployed and well on my way to morbid obesity.


He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if
you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Friday, May 30, 2003

I am functionally retarded when it comes to mathematics. After a preliminary interview with a Devry admissions councilor, I opted to take the entrance exam. I figured how hard could it be. The test was divided up into two parts with each having a thirty minute time limit. The English language skills and reading comprehension section was easy and took a grand total of twelve minutes to complete. I missed one reading comp. question that was improperly phrased so it shouldn't have counted. Anyway, the math part comes next. Jesus H. Fucking Holy Christ Almighty I never felt so dumb in my life. The councilor told me it covered "college level math". Sadly, my grasp of mathematics is equivalent to a dyslexic Amish boy who suffers from Downs Syndrome. To make a long story short, I guessed on virtually every god damn question. The only thing I was sure of was my name and honestly if I hadn't filled that out first thing it would probably been wrong. This was legitimately the first time in sixteen years of test taking that I felt stupid. As fate would have it I did squeak by with a 24/40, meeting the minimum requirements.

Of course my deficiency in this area is not my fault, instead the blame falls on the assortment of big breasted girls who sat by me in math class since 7th grade. Every year I sat behind, beside or otherwise uncomfortably near a young lady with full, luscious boobies. The choice between paying attention to the quadratic equation and day dreaming about stuffing my fat face between those heavenly mounds was non-brainer. Obviously I sided with the breasts. One may inquire how I ever passed any math class if my attention was always diverted. I was a perpetual cheat, and a damn good one at that. As luck would have it a bright, budding mathematician was always sited next to me, so it was fairly simple to ascertain the answers every test.

Today's lessons

1. Breasts are a privilege and not a right. 2. Bob is a horny idiot. 3. Math is for losers


go to hell

Thursday, May 29, 2003

There are some really sick fucks out there. The following are the actual keywords people typed in google, which lead them to my site.

Referrer Report
(Search Engines - Keywords - Referring URLs*) used by visitors to access the page.

Top terms visitors used to find your page in a search
whores with stretch marks 35.28%
overdue pregnant girls fucking 34.46%
puss filled sores on female organ 13.46%
penile bumps + puss 11.62%
hate devry 3.61%
does devry have a good mba program 1.57%


If you check out my entries these words do come up occasionally, usually as a form of damnation. However; this does not explain why someone would actively search "whores with stretch marks" or "overdue pregnant girls fucking" on google. Though my favorite is "puss filled sores on female organ".

I actually feel dirty.

you extremely perverted bastards

can

go to hell




Wednesday, May 28, 2003

Human beings are shoved into existence with no control over their surroundings. From conception through first breath we are completely at the mercy of our parents, in particular our mother. Choice does not enter into the equation until well after birth. And, by then it is often too little, too late.

We don't get to choose our parents, but they in turn do choose to have us. Who bares the greater responsibility? Should we thank them when life is good and damn them when it is bad? People bitch and moan about how life is unfair, which I usually dismiss. It may not be to your liking but you choose to do with it what you will. However, since our creation is founded on the choice of others, not our own, do we really have choice in this life. Life is unfair from the start; every birth is like the lottery. A slim few win the jackpot while the rest our stuck with what’s left.


I am uplifting today, aren't I?

have a nice day

and

go to hell

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

What am I to do with my life? Where am I heading? Why am I here? Who shot JFK?

These are all very important questions and save for the last one (A Human Alien Hybrid raised by Appalachian folk did it) seem to be unanswerable. I can't figure out what to do with myself. Working seems out of the question due to my genetic tendency to be fat and lazy. Partying is also out of the question because drunken Bob often leads to nearly killed or incarcerated Bob. Volunteering would work if I didn't hate all the retarded, poor, old and sick people. In jest my brother-in-law recommended writing a book, one that shares my profound wisdom. A wonderful idea in theory except it would require untold hours of intellectual straining and work. Then again I could just skip right to a cliff notes version. One could argue that this web log is in fact a watered down version of my philosophy. I stay away from overly heady material due to likelihood that you, my loyal readers, are stupid but by in large these entries provide an accurate portrayal of my way of thought. Or maybe not. Superficially and really deep down Bob is a nice guy. The ego maniacal asshole persona only exerts itself when I write and take part in high brow conversation for prolong periods of time. Oddly enough I don't even believe evil exists on an ontological level, and subsequently denying the existence of hell.

In other words

deep down I really love all of you

but shoving those gay/womanly feelings aside

I still hate you

so

go to hell (be it illusionary or substantive)

Monday, May 26, 2003

Today is a holiday so I have little else to say. Happy Memorial day.

God bless all our soldiers, both past and present. They bare freedom's blazing burden upon their shoulders for the benefit of us all.


Enjoy your barbecues, or in my case Taco Bell

and to go along with today's patriot zeal

all you foreigners

can

go to hell

(except Sonja cause British girls are sexay)





Sunday, May 25, 2003

While driving to my dad's store to deal with some customer service issues (stupid bastards don't understand how to answer their email) I spied a billboard stating "Abstinence 79% of Licking County teenagers is doing it". At first I doubted its veracity. Now, if one categorized children ages one to ten years of age as teenagers then I would believe 79% are not sexually active. Well, ok at least 60 %. But there is no way on God's green earth that you can convince me that nearly 8/10 teenagers, in my area, are refraining from sex. First of all the billboards use of Abstinence is flawed, because I know for fact 9/10 teenagers here have no idea what that term means. In fact it wouldn't be a surprise if they confused the term with a similar sounding Halluncengenic English drink. . I have more faith that the 80 % of the local pubescent population are seeing Christiana Aguilera headed spiders rather then not getting it on. My second major issue with the billboard is ambiguity surrounding the term Abstinence. Depending on how a questionnaire is worded it is plausible that a young lady takes up the # 2 spot from one guy while suckling on another’s Private Ryan and she would still answer that she is a virgin. Realistically the term should cover all intimate sexual contact that in anyway involves an orifice. However the surveyors are often either too naive or just willfully ignorant to include sexual contact beyond vaginal insertion in their studies. There is very little statistical data that identifies the prevalence of oral and anal sex amongst young people; in fact there is nothing beyond anecdotal evidence.

Many of you may disagree with my assertion that oral & anal sex despoils virginity. Well you either fall into one of two categories. Either you are a whore or a Sunday Christian. The first term is self-explanatory while the second term is analogous to being a hypocrite. Regardless common sense dictates that girls going down on guys and guys well getting downed on should not claim sexual purity. The term abstinence means to "refrain from indulging ones appetite" and having the pretty little blonde next door kiss your special place is indulging oneself, not denying. Of course I have no problem with people being promiscuous, as some of my best friends are slutty whores. Yet, I do have a problem with deluding the self and in the case of the billboard deceiving others. Your sex life is no ones business, when you are a self sufficient adult. Conversely when you are underage, or even in college, and dependant on guardians for financial security, those same folk who provide housing, money, and food have a stake in your sex life. If you knock someone up, or get knocked up they are responsible for repercussions as much as you, at least financially. Furthermore if you get an STD or simply have an emotional breakdown because Johnny didn't call after you licked his lollipop they have to deal with your stupid ass

The billboard is blatantly lying to parents. They have a false sense of security. The already blind eye that mommy and daddy have concerning their children's faults is significantly magnified in scope when they read 79% aren't doing it. Adding insult to injury that their tax dollars, be it local, state or federal are being used to construct elaborate lies, so that they will feel better.

Everyone needs to wake up, get a clue and take responsibility.

Jesus......I am such a hypocrite.

anyway

go to hell

Saturday, May 24, 2003

Coming home from dinner today (I ate an extra large pizza by myself) I spied a groundhog scurring underneath my home. In the eighteen months I have lived here a skunk, a possum litter, and now a groundhog have been my roomies. If you didn't know already, I live in a thirty-five year old trailer. From the outside it is the sort of place your parents warned you to stay very far away from. Most would probably assume a child molestor or serial killer abides here. Depending on how well you know me, that assumption may not be terribly far off. Anyway, at least there is an upside to this living situation . I pay no rent or utilities and have free acess to the fridge next door. I guess having an overabundance of food and free housing does compensate for living with the locale wildlife in dirty old man's dream house/child dungeon.

Anyway all this thinking about child molesters, furry rodents, and trailers brought to mind my Fraternity pledging experience. Since devling into that topic could bring up painful, perhaps criminally incriminating memories instead I am going to end today's post with a new feature. Henceforth every Saturday I will conclude with a quote in lieu of my usual "go to hell" Everyone is welcome and encouraged to leave a quote in the comment box whether it be their own tidbits of wisdom or from someone else. Please give proper credit whenever possible, especially when it is something brilliant you have overheard me say.


todays useful quote

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
(Joan Rivers (1935 - )

Friday, May 23, 2003

Another fun filled weekend that will ultimately end with me ordering a pizza and watching late night horror flicks. I am really getting fat. I took a picture today and was horrified to see Quasimotto staring back. My rapid descent into morbid obesity has become an obstacle. You see I am getting really lonely and find myself staring off into space dreaming of being held by a non-hairy woman. So I am a hopeless romantic or just really hard up for a piece of puntang. Either way my basketball head and Volkswagonesque ass is preventing a healthy dating life. In fact I have no prospects at the current time. Now some of you would point out that my pleasant disposition and vivacious personality should suffice in attracting a women. Obviously you folks are assholes who think themselves funny. At best I am an introvert, and at worst a delusional narcissist. Basically not the guy you take home to see the parents, though possibly the guy who cuts the parents lawn.

Anyway fat-ass here is off to watch a B grade horror film

have a great weekend

no, scratch that

and

go to hell

Thursday, May 22, 2003

I hate menial work, as it goes against my delicate sensibilities. Also, it seems my hate extends to those who work at these plebian jobs. Apprently those who make minimum wage are unhappy with their shitty lot in life. Since they are making so little money in such piss ass-backwards vocation these pug faced monkeys believe it is their right to do a lackluster job. The fast food industry is a perfect example. First disregard the 16-18 year old worker, who by definition does a bad job due to their acne puss seeping into their brains. Yet, everyone else at these establishments, including the management, take it upon themselves to disregard orders, give extremely poor customer service and frequently containment the food ( i.e. spitting, defecting, stirring the soup with the penis. all true verified examples). I owe a good bit of my girth to the fast food industry, so one could call me an expert in this field, at least from the customer perspective. I performed an experiment this week, which consisted of eating two meals a day at various fast food locales and seeing how often they delivered my order correctly. Eight trips and five orders wrong later I have concluded that anyone over 18 years of age working in a McDonalds, Wendys, Burger King etc. should be shot in the head. Now let me clarify what I mean by shot. They need to take a loaded 12 gauge shotgun put the barrel in their mouth point at the 60 degree angel and pull the trigger. There is virtually no chance of survival and even those who do will be hooked up a ventelation machine wearing Depends for the rest of their lives. Either way it works out best for everyone involved.


if you have a problem with today's apt assessment

you are a walking, talking example of why we have birth control


and you should

go to hell

Wednesday, May 21, 2003

Not much to talk about today. I am physically and mentally exhausted from last night. Though I would like to comment on the folks who are using my comments to comment to one another. From this point on please direct all comments to me. I am getting jealous of the love that Travis is getting here on my site. Feel free to give him love here.

so have a nice day

and

go to hell

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Buffy is over. Seven years I have enjoyed this show and now it is officially done. As with any good story the ending left more questions then answers and thank God it allowed for numerous spin-off possibilities. However, there will never be another Buffy Summers. Sarah Michelle Gellar played a character whose very existence was laughable but nonetheless made it work. Whether she was killing a vampire, talking with friends or suffering from simple teenage angst the character seemed real. In fact the entire cast, from bit players, to the core three of AH, NB, and SMG were able to create a believable story. There is no higher compliment to offer a story be it book, TV. show, or movie then to say I empathized with the characters and even grew to love them. I loved this show and am not ashamed to admit relating to a story about an ex-cheerleader turned vampire slayer. It was, is and always will be an incredible story.


Thank you Miss Summers

It was a wonderful run

your fan,

bob

btw if you didn't like Buffy and/or think the above post is stupid

GO TO HELL AND EXPECTED TO BE FLOGGED BY A LEGION OF TWO TONGUED ALBINO SEA MONKIES

Monday, May 19, 2003

I have been up for over 24 hours spending time with an old love. There is something that I need to share with everyone. It is something I have tried to hide for over a decade. Each of us have terrible, dark, often sexually exploitative secrets. Well, mine is no different. I am a nerd. Though not a "hip" nerd like those fellows from the movies, no I am just a pathetic dork. I enjoy reading fantasy novels, and often find myself daydreaming about alternate realities where dragons rule the sky and men walk alongside Gods. Furthermore I like playing role playing games, though only on the computer or console system because I am not a total dork. Also, Dragonball Z is my favorite cartoon, followed closely by the Power Puff girls. You see I am a huge dork and am damn proud of it. The pretty people of the world can have their friends, parties, jobs, and sex lives. I, for one, am happy to lounge around in my underwear reading Lord of the Rings while Blossom is pummeling Mojo JoJo in the background. And with that profound personal admission let me give special acknowledgment to a lovely reader of mine. Her perverse and peculiar fascination with Elf on Hobbit sex made it easier to accept my inner-nerd.

All you popular and beautiful people

I am so jealous of you

and thats why

you can

go to hell and/or let me hang out with you

Sunday, May 18, 2003

"You need to see a fucking psychiatrist" Upon hearing these poignant words from my father it became abundantly clear that I needed to seek professional help. There is a little sadness associated with being diagnosed as crazy by my father, though I am fairly sure his analysis is right on. Seeing a mind-fucker, i.e. voodoo head doctor, is a scary proposition. I find no fault with those who are treated by the pseduo-erikson's of the world but personally it never seemed a good fit in my life. I had always hoped to be considered clown crazy, perhaps evil genius sort of mad or a sexual deviant nut....well one out of three ain't so bad. Anyway, looks like my family isn't so keen on having a manic depressive lunatic.

what is a crazy guy to do?

eat a package of Oreos?

chew on my toenails?

or should I catalog a list of hated persons, and then formulate the most effective way to torment the people on the aforementioned list using only nail clippers and Oreo's.


no matter what

go to hell

Friday, May 16, 2003

I am spending a Friday night watching Howard Stern on the E channel.



FUCK YOU

and if you happen have two X chromosomes

i hate you very much.

due to your vile, cheating ball busting natures

Giving up the rib was a real bad call.

thanks Adam


go to hell
My mood is sour, due in great part to a gastric problem. As it were shitty sums up my last couple days. I am lonely, bitter, unemployed and living in a trailer. Worst of all Buffy is leaving on Tuesday, a few short days from now. Perhaps the weekend will lift my mood, though probably not. Usually I jest when wishing your descent into raging infernos of hell, however today I am not kidding

so go kill yourselves

and

go to hell

Thursday, May 15, 2003

I went to two interviews today. How proud my parents were to see their little boy all dressed up heading to a professional interview. For a moment I actually was proud. Of course, as usual, that feeling soon turned to apathetic disgust. It turns out that both jobs were simply fronts for a door-door scam that requires 60 hour work weeks and fully commissioned based income. Basically unless you hold a knife to the potential clients throat, and/or threaten to rape their grandparents, you will make jack squat. I was beginning to day dream about having a career, moving into a non-wheel based home, and having an overall great life. But I will be damned if the bitter cold of reality didn't hit me square in the nuts. Needless to say today was a wash.

everyone has work success

i hope you

go to hell

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

A couple weeks ago I dedicated myself to gaining a hundred pounds and fullfilling my destiny to be a morbidly obese asshole. Well folks I am twenty-five percent of the way there, as I have gained a prodigious amount of weight in these short weeks. Yet, I am ashamed to admit that doubt has crept into my swollen heart. Being gravity challenged most of my life I am quite familiar with the pros and cons associated with gluttony. And, even though there is many benefits to shameless stuffing ones face, there is one negative that I am not overly fond of. You see when one gains weight quickly, the skin is often unable to stretch quickly enough which in turn leads to stretch marks. Now, since I have been blessed with a stomach reminiscent of an 11 month overdue pregnant ladies, there is already a lot of stretching present. However, in the last year when I lost a considerable amount of weight, the marks had become docile and lost that red flare. Now, they are very noticeable, which is acceptable, but also god awfully painful. Earlier today I vowed to end my indulgent ways. Of course four hours later I ate 4 pieces of KFC, two rolls butter dipped rolls and drank three sodas. It seems that my course is set, pain be damned.

By the way if you happen to see me shirtless this summer, feel free to laugh

because you can

go to hell

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

I called about an apartment today, and even went so far as to schedule a viewing appointment. Before going my parents asked where it was located. After hearing the address they both informed me that only crack heads and whores live there. I was heartbroken to learn that this sweet deal ($320.00 a month, all utilities included) was a bastion for illicit criminals. Though near crack whores did have a certain appeal, though I highly doubt they look like Erika Christensen . So looks like I am staying in the trailer for now.

Anyway all this talk of crack and whores reminded me of my ex and the state of drugs in America. Since I commented enough on the latter, today let’s focus on the former.

The United States is saturated with drugs. Otherwise unconnected activities like geezer sex and fraternity parties are connected through their dependence on drugs to facilitate a good time. Personally I really don't give a flying pig in space what people do in their private lives. If someone wants to take a pill to escape reality or to increase sexual function that is their right. However, the problem with drugs in America is that they seldom stay limited to the private sphere. One of three things can occur when a person becomes addicted to a drug; they choose to stay in their humble abode enjoying the benefits of said drug, or they go out in public hence demonstrating its effects, or they seek financial material means to insure the high does not cease. The first instance is perfectly acceptable; I am a big proponent of personal hedonistic behavior. The second instance is both good and bad. Stoners are hilarious in public, as are drunks, but a 75 year old man wearing mesh shorts with a perpetual erection is not a pretty sight. Though, my biggest complaint with drugs is with the third behavior. People do really stupid things to guarantee a constant state of euphoria. Crack whores sell their bodies to chubby 22 year old guys; heroin junkies rob their grandparents, hell you would be surprised by the number of people who rob convenience stores for cigarettes. And, let’s not forget the yuppie coke heads that put in an 80 hour work week so they can get another promotion to support their addiction. Basically reliance on drugs often leads a person to sale their soul for the transitory pleasures. And, trust me if you are going to lose your soul at least get more then a fifth of whiskey and a pack of Camels.

Well that’s all today folks, not a lot else to say

So remember to stay away from drugs (except for caffeine and methamphetamines cause they don't count)

and

go to hell

Monday, May 12, 2003

I need more lesbians in my life. I have plenty of heterosexual male friends, and at least two homosexual male friends. (you may notice my omission of heterosexual women, which is purposeful as I hate them due to their whorish soul-sucking ways) Yet, there is a giant void in the lesbian department. Lesbians, or as I like to call them bull-dykes, have a lot to offer me. For example they could help me understand the mythical female anatomy. Even after spending thousands of hours carefully examining photographs and video footage, I am still at a loss as to how the female body works. A guy once told me about this magical organ called a skittloris , which causes women to feel really nice. Subsequent research has failed to uncover this mythical button that sets women on fire. But, if anyone would know where to look, it would be a carpet muncher. This is where you, my loyal readers, come in. So if anyone knows a penis-hater, or is one their self, please contact me. Though I could just call my ex-girlfriend (not the crazy slut one) as I have a strong inclination she liked the pajama.
By the way don't click on the links today if you are under 18, a prude or my little brother.


have a nice day,

and

go to hell


Sunday, May 11, 2003

While returning videos today, I drove past the local library. Several years ago the library conned the taxpayers into giving them several million dollars. Personally, I love to read and in theory a state of the art library is a great idea. However, when 1/2 the local population is illiterate or just plain stupid; there is a little need for supra-library center. Right now it is used for free internet access, by cheap elderly people, and a place to get free video rentals by the local poor white trailer-trash (i.e. me). In other words my city, which by the way is in dire financial straits, garnished several million taxpayer dollars to build a state of the art internet/video hub for geriatric retarded poor folk.

And people wonder why I am so damn bitter.


go to hell

Saturday, May 10, 2003

There was a pleasant surprise in the mail today, an admissions application to Devry. There is a lot of stigma associated with Devry, perhaps rightfully so, however they are willing to possibly willing to accept me into the MBA program. And, I am a firm believer that you get out what you put in, regardless of the institution.

Also, it looks as if my father is serious about having auctions in the back of his store. Ultimately this may turn out to be a very profitable venture. And, if not I can always fall back on my vibrant personality and good looks. (god help me on my both accounts).

Well that sums up my personal news for the day. By the way I told you so. Western Europe portrays America as a self-serving nation seeking to impose our vision on the world. Of course, as usual, it is the other way around. The French were playing both sides; hopefully that double dealing has caught up with them.

and so if you are French, or a snail-eater sympathizer,

go to hell

Friday, May 09, 2003

I spent time with my college friends last night. It was a very fun night, and a welcome diversion from my usual ho-hum life. Three of my buddies are graduating on Sunday (took the stupid bastards 5 years) which officially ends any connection I have with college. Lately, I have reminisced about what ifs, as in what if I went to class, or what if I wasn't a violent drunk freshman and sophomore year. Academically my college career was a wash, but there is much more to an education then grades. I am a better a human being for attending Northface U. due in large part to the drunken-soccer hooligans I call friends. Most of them were academically-challenged yet all of them were incredibly bright, vibrant people with a zest for life. They broadened my social understanding considerably, and opened up my eyes to a wealth of possibilities. Thank you guys. Congrats Mike, Jon and Greg on your impending graduation.

I am in a good mood today, so there is little "hate" to spread. Though, odds are that as I am writing this Mike, Jon and Greg are drunk lying in their own bile. And, by 3am Mike will have hooked up with a gravity-challenged blonde, with Jon possibly joining with Greg chain smoking in the corner watching the whole affair. So there my daily dose of being mean.....well actually just truthful in this instance.

have a nice weekend,

and

go to hell

Thursday, May 08, 2003

Disclaimer "Do not read the following post if at anytime we engaged in any sort of physical intimacy. You may take offense, especially if you are the whore I am talking about. Everyone else is welcome to examine today's blog entry. And, if you have any doubts who I am talking about, feel free to email me. "

Last night an old flame called me. She was upset that I had shared some information concerning her ex-con crack head boyfriend with a few dozen people. So, in an indignant rage she proceeded to heckle me. Of course her limited intelligence greatly hindered her insults, as she was unable to come up with anything more then "You are fat, and not very good in (insert 3 letter word that rhymes with red). I responded by calling her a crazy slut. Unable to come back with a witty quip, she reverted to using my material and commented on my inability to be a man slut because I am neither attractive nor rich. She thought the game was hers with that statement. My retort "You have an easy time being a slut, all you had to do was spread your legs". Then, I identified why she had no friend. Not only was she a slut, but a crazy slut who announcers her slutdom to all around her. In a sense she had branded a scarlet S on the middle of her forehead. Now, I am usually all for sluts, because without them I would have nothing to do on the internet all day, however when a slut goes crazy, bad things tend to happen. And, to finish strong I pointed out that while I wasn't the best she had, I must have been in the top one hundred guys or so. (see I was making the very conservative claim that she engaged in coitus with over a one-hundred men) At this point I claimed victory, and the conversation was finished. I am disappointed that there wasn't more time to prepare a greater barrage of biting truths concerning her worthless scrotum licking existence, but I did well with the time available.

So, my former love if you are reading this, or if someone relates the details, please remember this

You are a stupid, skanky, crazy slut with no redeeming value other then your ability to spread and invite the cavalry in. My prediction is you will be knocked up within 2 years with an illegitimate child, while infected with numerous, and painful ailments including herpes, gonorrhea, and HPV

I hope you

go to hell

stupid bitch

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

I had an informative meeting with an admission adviser at OSU. Appears my BA in religion from Denison University means absolutely jack-squat. If I enrolled at OSU there would be freshman with more recognized credit hours. Yesterday I had this great idea, and just like that it is torn apart. Couple today's misfortune with last nights thunderstorm warnings and Bob is not a happy boy. In fact one could argue that I am unhappy. Now, Bob will go watch cartoons, curl up into the fetal position and be oddly aroused by sexually ambiguous anime characters. What a life Bob lives.

Though I do find some satisfaction knowing that approximately 40,000 people contracted a new STD today. There painful, puss filled, agonizingly painful genital warts make my 20 something angst seem insignificant. You know, it is those little things in life that make you happy, like the sexual misfortune of others.


For those of you who have burning and itching sensation along with numerous painful bumps/sores on their private area

I have three words for you

HA HA HA

that’s what you get for having sex (especially since I am not)

and remember to

go to hell

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

Buffy was on, National Weather service decided to declare thunderstorm warning, local emergency channel intercepts Buffy signal, I growl loudly, 2 minutes later show continues, this happens 3 more times, I miss 10 mins out of 40 because of the Thunderstorm warning, I go on killing spree. GOD DAMN STUPID FUCKERS.........

They have to declare a fucking severe thunderstorm warning 4 times in less than hour. Jesus Christ, it is a thunderstorm, how big of a fucking pansy can you be. Seriously I hope that everyone at the National Weather Service, the local weather service, and the COCK-SUCKER who oked interrupting my show go to fucking hell and burn eternally while being penetrated by a legion of demonic monkey dwarves.


DO NOT MESS WITH MY BUFFY TIME


GO TO HELL
While at work, I surfed the web for a fair amount of time. There is a lot of information on the internet, though most of it does seem to be centered on penile enlargement and naked teenage coeds. Believe it or not both of those topics are near and dear to my heart. Go figure. Eventually, I found my way to a website that started to make my head spin. Not because it was interesting or in anyway beneficial. No, what amazed me was how utterly useless my college degree was, I would have been better off working as fry cook for 4 years. Because by this point I would at least be assistant-head fryer. It seems graduate schools in Ohio frown upon a BA in Religion; subsequently they do not offer admittance. Furthermore, in order to ever earn a post-bachelor degree, I have two options. I could develop a cure for cancer then sell the rights to the Chinese for a hefty profit, and give that sizeable sum to a local university who in turn will offer me an honorary doctorate. Or, I could just start over and begin college anew.
Guess which one I will choose? So, as of right now (plans will probably change at least 3 times by the time you read this) I plan on getting a job, going back to get another undergraduate degree. This time I will apply myself, earn stellar marks, and graduate with honors. And, with all these collegiate accolades my dream school Cleveland State University will have to accept me into their graduate African-American studies program.


It is a good plan, or so I thought at 3:00 pm. Wish me luck, well actually don't since you disgust me.

instead

go to hell

Monday, May 05, 2003

Monday's suck, almost as much as my ex-girlfriend. Damn she was like a Hoover vacuum cleaner (or at least that is what those 10 guys at the bar told me). Anyway not lot news today, just the same pervading feeling of utter failure and desolation.

I went to bed at 7:00 am, woke up at 10:00 am, pretended to work for 3 hours, went home, and watched cartoons. Actually that pretty much sums how I spent the last decade. It is hell being me.

After eating a sub, a salad, a few loaves of cheesy bread, and a couple sodas for lunch, my dad decided to share a valuable pearl of wisdom. It seems that I need to realize what it means to value things, i.e. struggle to pay the rent, bills, etc. While defecating a few minutes later, and trying my damnest to push one out (and women claim men know nothing about pain, I guarantee my 10 lb bundle of joy would give theirs a run for its money) my dad's wise counsel echoed in my head. And, even though I live in a dumpy, 40 year old trailer in the worst part of a universally accepted hell-hole/city, everything is provided for me. Now, I don't have a silver spoon, more like a plastic spork, but my greatest life struggle thus far has been figuring out which relative to kill off next so I wouldn't fail class. Therefore I make a solemn pledge before all of you and our
ball-less Lord to try my best to learn the value in struggle & strife. Where I once made my mother call for pizza delivery, I vow to do the dialing, and even the ordering myself

Perhaps one day, with concerted effort, I will appreciate my palatial like mobile home,
40 % body fat content, and ever thickening uni-brow. How lucky can a guy get?



as usual

go to hell

Sunday, May 04, 2003

Watched a great movie last night. I officially have a man-crush on Hugh Jackman.

Anyway while enjoying this fantastic move, and fantasizing about having Wolverines baby, my viewing experience was assaulted by a group of ignorant folks talk to the screen.

Before I delve into today’s rant lets clear something up. Stereotypes are very good and contain invaluable nuggets of truth. Now, with that solid foundation let’s examine the effects of large groups of black people attending a movie. First of all, when 10 or more blacks congregate at a theatre it is certain they will talk back to the characters in the movie, and/or make asinine comments. That is not a racist assertion, rather an observation of fact. Subsequently when a box office manager recognizes a large group of young black youths at screening, he/she should pay close attention and insure that they do not ruin the experiences of others. Similar disastrous results occur when large groups of Jews attend at banking conference, or when Asians go to a math competition and god forbid you get a group of Appalachian folks at a family reunion/orgy. Anyway, my point is that we as Americans have a responsibility to recognize that certain groups of people often have predicable behaviors. Thus, it is necessary for each of us, in any sort of supervisory position, to insure that these groups do not get out of hand, and ruin it for everyone else, i.e. the normal white folks.


And if you are offended by today's post

Good, because I hate you very much

so

go to hell

Saturday, May 03, 2003

I am currently watching a show that sums up why I hate everyone, and also envy them so much. The people on this show are willing to whore themselves out for a few fleeting minutes of fame. Along the way they have an exciting time full of sexual innuendo, against the backdrop of extremely unrealistic date locales. I despise these soulless fame hungry parasites; however a part of me is extremely jealous. No, not because they are on T.V. I envy the fact that they are on a FUCKING DATE. Beneath my bitter, cold-hearted, hateful and semi-lucid exterior there is a gentle soul looking to get laid. Every person is getting some it seems. I know for a fact that homosexual men get more action with women than I do. Hell, my 7 year old brother gets more tail then me. Now, there are people who are worse off then me. Yet, even ugly Down syndrome people, who are bereft of any real value, are able to have a vibrant romantic life. Look at Corky, that squint-eyed shit found his little retarded girlfriend. Where does that leave me? Honestly I have experienced dating bliss; oh I mean agonizing hell, for a time. Actually two times in fact. The first girl turned out to be a stuck up whore, while the second was simply a slutty whore. In both cases something became readily apparent. God has no balls, subsequently hates me a person with balls of prodigious size. Therefore I am doomed to wander the earth, big balls in tow, searching for a special someone to rub my ass while dressed in a Sailor Moon outfit.

Sometimes life is just unfair.

go to hell

Friday, May 02, 2003

After yesterdays psychotic rant, my mood has worsened considerably. Other then giving a universal fuck you, not a lot else to spew about today. I do need to find a new place to live. Anyone who lives in the central Ohio area, with an available room or desire to get a place, feel free to contact me I am off to have a depressing weekend full of solitude, cursing at cartoons and video games.

Hope you all suffer as much as I am or at the very least contract an STD (like Herpes & Gonorrhea)

go to hell

Thursday, May 01, 2003

I have decided to forego all my rights, and sell-out to the pseudo-intellectual conformists who run this country. My innate sense of self has only held me back in today’s fast-paced, multi-tasking environment where people are expected to blend into one well oiled corporate machine, maximizing their group potential and minimizing any sense of self identity. Lemmings do not bother me per say, as I recognize the necessity of having thoughtless automatons do the majority of the work. Yet, I always felt that the tedium visited upon others was not for me. The path less taken was to be mine. I was to be the innovator, the driving force behind the mindless masses. Looks like that isn't going to happen, as reality keeps hitting me in the face like a drunken one-eyed bitch. Seems I have/had an overactive imagination, leading to an egocentric world model that placed the self at paramount importance while regulating everyone else beneath my grandiose position. In other words I am self-delusional or more to the point a lonely, crazy bastard with too much time on his hands. Therefore I now promise to dedicate my life to losing all sense of self to the social structure. Hopefully by jumping off the bridge with everyone else my problems will be solved.


Then again all you white-collar zombie zealots

can kiss my unique, dementia suffering ass

and go to

hell