I am dying. My stomach is both on fire and full of gas. That is a very volatile combination. As I sit here writhing in my chair a strange thought dawns on me. What have I accomplished in life? The answer of course is not a whole lot. Sure I have only lived twenty-three years and there is only so much one can do. However, Bob has somehow managed to do less than nothing. His life has been series of meaningless travesties. There were some good times like when I "borrowed' the maintenance van or that time I accidentally pushed a small dumpster down a very large hill. But for every speeding mass of metal there were two incidents involving women with breasts located under their arms. It feels like only yesterday when I "made out" with a woman who resembled an offensive lineman at Ohio State, or that time I paid two women to kiss me and one proceeded to mock my lack of tongue related abilities.

I am a miserable failure, and it is fitting that my demise will involve an exploding mass of shit.

At least I have one thing to look forward and you know what that is boys and girls? You are all going to hell.


Thank you and have a nice day.

go to hell