Wednesday, April 23, 2003

I have decided to gain 100 lbs. You ask why? Do I intend to work out and become a muscle bound lummox? Actually I decided to gain 100 lbs in order to be the biggest glutton possible. My goal is to be so laden with lard that my very appearance will induce spasmodic fits. I have never really fully applied myself to anything before, and that is a shame. So, I figure a life dedicated to self-serving gluttony, one where I totally focus every fiber of being on food, is something I need to do. Some people feel the need to save the whales, or feed the homeless. Well, I want to combine those ideals and feed the whale as much as possible. Hopefully, my dietary freedom will lead to the promised land of loathsome excess. Keep your fingers crossed.

Currently I am watching television's answer to crack. The radical Muslims fear that "we" infidels are destroying their way of life. If the stupid bastards would wait a couple years, we will definitely take care of ourselves. Between MTV, FOX, and CSPAN there is little hope for the future generations of America.

And, with that lovely thought
i bid you adieu

go to hell