Friday, December 24, 2004

Sacrilege On His Birthday Is Bad
My Power Being Out Is Worse

Bob doesn't have power. It looks as if he won't have power till Sunday evening. Bob is unhappy. He wonders why AEP employees--the minions of the local Electric monopoly--are allowed to celebrate Christmas tomorrow, when he, most beloved child of Krishna, is forced to endure in the darkness. Perhaps it is asking too much for my eletricity to be on Christmas Day. Perhaps I should be thankful for what I have. Perhaps Brittany Spears isn't a trailer trash whore gone good. Perhaps I don't give a flying fuck--I WANT MY ELECTRICITY TURNED ON YESTERDAY, though any time in the next four hours would suffice.

This post is a call to arms to all of the Non-Christian, hell bound workers at AEP: If you are Jewish, Muslim, Mormon, Agnostic, Atheist, Buddhist, Hindu or member of any other polytheistic and/or pagan tradition--see Catholicism--please report to work and turn on Bob's electric. God hates you very much and Jesus isn't terribly pleased with you, either. You are not invited to his birthday, but I, most beloved of the flatulent sinners, offer you a chance for redemption: TURN ON MY POWER within the next five hours and automatically get into Heaven. (This offer doesn't apply to Sodomites, Cunnilingers and the Welsh.)

Go to Hell

This post was written from parts unknown, i.e. here.