Author's Note: Today's post is meant to comfort the lovelorn but it is directed towards those who find themselves in loving relationships.


I am single; several hundred pounds over weight and live in a decrepit trailer. I've dated two women in my life. One is getting married in the summer, the other is destined for a future in amateur porn (specifically movies involving white women with big asses). There is no reason for Bob to be in a celebratory mood on Valentines Day, in fact he is quite unhappy. He is very much alone.

Usually I can forget about being single, or at the very least suppress the unpleasant feelings associated with being alone. Once a year I am forced to recognize how pitiful my love life truly is, there upon I reflect on my sad state of being for several hours. This year is no different. Of course I do find solace in the fact that millions of other people are spending this day alone, dejected and full of bitterness. The following is for those miserable people:

"Hatred is by far the longest pleasure; Men love in haste, but they detest at leisure." Lord Byron


Go out and hate your fellow man, take pleasure in knowing that sometime, most likely in the immediate future, they will be joining you.


Go to Hell you miserable sons of bitches who have someone to hold on Valentines Day. I hope you develop oozing sores all over your genitals and along the inner lining of the rectum.