Wednesday, February 22, 2006

If Vaginas Could Talk

During my daily anthropological study of the human condition--watching The Maury Povich Show--I witnessed a very disturbing commercial. It was one of the most horrific scenes that I have ever witnessed. My mind, disturbed as it is, could not grasp the nightmarish landscape presented in the thirty second spot. Vaginal Menopausal Atrophy Study flashed across the screen, below it flowed a steady stream of middle aged women participating in various innocuous activities: one was gardening; another was sitting down; a group of them appeared to be praying to Satan. Ok, the first two are made up, but you know what I am talking about.

The blessed minded Bob did not know a vagina could atrophy, and if the vagina could wither like a winter blooming daisy, would not the same hold true for the penis. Will my penis begin to atrophy...holy shit...I don't got that much to begin with, it wouldn't take long for my little daisy to completely disappear. Think of it, my lil' buddy would shrink to nothingness, perhaps even caving unto itself, thus creating a vagina for a middle aged me. I am not sure I could stand losing my mini-Cyclops, he almost feels like he is a part of me.


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