I spent time with my college friends last night. It was a very fun night, and a welcome diversion from my usual ho-hum life. Three of my buddies are graduating on Sunday (took the stupid bastards 5 years) which officially ends any connection I have with college. Lately, I have reminisced about what ifs, as in what if I went to class, or what if I wasn't a violent drunk freshman and sophomore year. Academically my college career was a wash, but there is much more to an education then grades. I am a better a human being for attending Northface U. due in large part to the drunken-soccer hooligans I call friends. Most of them were academically-challenged yet all of them were incredibly bright, vibrant people with a zest for life. They broadened my social understanding considerably, and opened up my eyes to a wealth of possibilities. Thank you guys. Congrats Mike, Jon and Greg on your impending graduation.

I am in a good mood today, so there is little "hate" to spread. Though, odds are that as I am writing this Mike, Jon and Greg are drunk lying in their own bile. And, by 3am Mike will have hooked up with a gravity-challenged blonde, with Jon possibly joining with Greg chain smoking in the corner watching the whole affair. So there my daily dose of being mean.....well actually just truthful in this instance.

have a nice weekend,

and

go to hell

Disclaimer "Do not read the following post if at anytime we engaged in any sort of physical intimacy. You may take offense, especially if you are the whore I am talking about. Everyone else is welcome to examine today's blog entry. And, if you have any doubts who I am talking about, feel free to email me. "

Last night an old flame called me. She was upset that I had shared some information concerning her ex-con crack head boyfriend with a few dozen people. So, in an indignant rage she proceeded to heckle me. Of course her limited intelligence greatly hindered her insults, as she was unable to come up with anything more then "You are fat, and not very good in (insert 3 letter word that rhymes with red). I responded by calling her a crazy slut. Unable to come back with a witty quip, she reverted to using my material and commented on my inability to be a man slut because I am neither attractive nor rich. She thought the game was hers with that statement. My retort "You have an easy time being a slut, all you had to do was spread your legs". Then, I identified why she had no friend. Not only was she a slut, but a crazy slut who announcers her slutdom to all around her. In a sense she had branded a scarlet S on the middle of her forehead. Now, I am usually all for sluts, because without them I would have nothing to do on the internet all day, however when a slut goes crazy, bad things tend to happen. And, to finish strong I pointed out that while I wasn't the best she had, I must have been in the top one hundred guys or so. (see I was making the very conservative claim that she engaged in coitus with over a one-hundred men) At this point I claimed victory, and the conversation was finished. I am disappointed that there wasn't more time to prepare a greater barrage of biting truths concerning her worthless scrotum licking existence, but I did well with the time available.

So, my former love if you are reading this, or if someone relates the details, please remember this

You are a stupid, skanky, crazy slut with no redeeming value other then your ability to spread and invite the cavalry in. My prediction is you will be knocked up within 2 years with an illegitimate child, while infected with numerous, and painful ailments including herpes, gonorrhea, and HPV

I hope you

go to hell

stupid bitch

I had an informative meeting with an admission adviser at OSU. Appears my BA in religion from Denison University means absolutely jack-squat. If I enrolled at OSU there would be freshman with more recognized credit hours. Yesterday I had this great idea, and just like that it is torn apart. Couple today's misfortune with last nights thunderstorm warnings and Bob is not a happy boy. In fact one could argue that I am unhappy. Now, Bob will go watch cartoons, curl up into the fetal position and be oddly aroused by sexually ambiguous anime characters. What a life Bob lives.

Though I do find some satisfaction knowing that approximately 40,000 people contracted a new STD today. There painful, puss filled, agonizingly painful genital warts make my 20 something angst seem insignificant. You know, it is those little things in life that make you happy, like the sexual misfortune of others.


For those of you who have burning and itching sensation along with numerous painful bumps/sores on their private area

I have three words for you

HA HA HA

that’s what you get for having sex (especially since I am not)

and remember to

go to hell

Buffy was on, National Weather service decided to declare thunderstorm warning, local emergency channel intercepts Buffy signal, I growl loudly, 2 minutes later show continues, this happens 3 more times, I miss 10 mins out of 40 because of the Thunderstorm warning, I go on killing spree. GOD DAMN STUPID FUCKERS.........

They have to declare a fucking severe thunderstorm warning 4 times in less than hour. Jesus Christ, it is a thunderstorm, how big of a fucking pansy can you be. Seriously I hope that everyone at the National Weather Service, the local weather service, and the COCK-SUCKER who oked interrupting my show go to fucking hell and burn eternally while being penetrated by a legion of demonic monkey dwarves.


DO NOT MESS WITH MY BUFFY TIME


GO TO HELL

While at work, I surfed the web for a fair amount of time. There is a lot of information on the internet, though most of it does seem to be centered on penile enlargement and naked teenage coeds. Believe it or not both of those topics are near and dear to my heart. Go figure. Eventually, I found my way to a website that started to make my head spin. Not because it was interesting or in anyway beneficial. No, what amazed me was how utterly useless my college degree was, I would have been better off working as fry cook for 4 years. Because by this point I would at least be assistant-head fryer. It seems graduate schools in Ohio frown upon a BA in Religion; subsequently they do not offer admittance. Furthermore, in order to ever earn a post-bachelor degree, I have two options. I could develop a cure for cancer then sell the rights to the Chinese for a hefty profit, and give that sizeable sum to a local university who in turn will offer me an honorary doctorate. Or, I could just start over and begin college anew.
Guess which one I will choose? So, as of right now (plans will probably change at least 3 times by the time you read this) I plan on getting a job, going back to get another undergraduate degree. This time I will apply myself, earn stellar marks, and graduate with honors. And, with all these collegiate accolades my dream school Cleveland State University will have to accept me into their graduate African-American studies program.


It is a good plan, or so I thought at 3:00 pm. Wish me luck, well actually don't since you disgust me.

instead

go to hell

Monday's suck, almost as much as my ex-girlfriend. Damn she was like a Hoover vacuum cleaner (or at least that is what those 10 guys at the bar told me). Anyway not lot news today, just the same pervading feeling of utter failure and desolation.

I went to bed at 7:00 am, woke up at 10:00 am, pretended to work for 3 hours, went home, and watched cartoons. Actually that pretty much sums how I spent the last decade. It is hell being me.

After eating a sub, a salad, a few loaves of cheesy bread, and a couple sodas for lunch, my dad decided to share a valuable pearl of wisdom. It seems that I need to realize what it means to value things, i.e. struggle to pay the rent, bills, etc. While defecating a few minutes later, and trying my damnest to push one out (and women claim men know nothing about pain, I guarantee my 10 lb bundle of joy would give theirs a run for its money) my dad's wise counsel echoed in my head. And, even though I live in a dumpy, 40 year old trailer in the worst part of a universally accepted hell-hole/city, everything is provided for me. Now, I don't have a silver spoon, more like a plastic spork, but my greatest life struggle thus far has been figuring out which relative to kill off next so I wouldn't fail class. Therefore I make a solemn pledge before all of you and our
ball-less Lord to try my best to learn the value in struggle & strife. Where I once made my mother call for pizza delivery, I vow to do the dialing, and even the ordering myself

Perhaps one day, with concerted effort, I will appreciate my palatial like mobile home,
40 % body fat content, and ever thickening uni-brow. How lucky can a guy get?



as usual

go to hell

Watched a great movie last night. I officially have a man-crush on Hugh Jackman.

Anyway while enjoying this fantastic move, and fantasizing about having Wolverines baby, my viewing experience was assaulted by a group of ignorant folks talk to the screen.

Before I delve into today’s rant lets clear something up. Stereotypes are very good and contain invaluable nuggets of truth. Now, with that solid foundation let’s examine the effects of large groups of black people attending a movie. First of all, when 10 or more blacks congregate at a theatre it is certain they will talk back to the characters in the movie, and/or make asinine comments. That is not a racist assertion, rather an observation of fact. Subsequently when a box office manager recognizes a large group of young black youths at screening, he/she should pay close attention and insure that they do not ruin the experiences of others. Similar disastrous results occur when large groups of Jews attend at banking conference, or when Asians go to a math competition and god forbid you get a group of Appalachian folks at a family reunion/orgy. Anyway, my point is that we as Americans have a responsibility to recognize that certain groups of people often have predicable behaviors. Thus, it is necessary for each of us, in any sort of supervisory position, to insure that these groups do not get out of hand, and ruin it for everyone else, i.e. the normal white folks.


And if you are offended by today's post

Good, because I hate you very much

so

go to hell

I am currently watching a show that sums up why I hate everyone, and also envy them so much. The people on this show are willing to whore themselves out for a few fleeting minutes of fame. Along the way they have an exciting time full of sexual innuendo, against the backdrop of extremely unrealistic date locales. I despise these soulless fame hungry parasites; however a part of me is extremely jealous. No, not because they are on T.V. I envy the fact that they are on a FUCKING DATE. Beneath my bitter, cold-hearted, hateful and semi-lucid exterior there is a gentle soul looking to get laid. Every person is getting some it seems. I know for a fact that homosexual men get more action with women than I do. Hell, my 7 year old brother gets more tail then me. Now, there are people who are worse off then me. Yet, even ugly Down syndrome people, who are bereft of any real value, are able to have a vibrant romantic life. Look at Corky, that squint-eyed shit found his little retarded girlfriend. Where does that leave me? Honestly I have experienced dating bliss; oh I mean agonizing hell, for a time. Actually two times in fact. The first girl turned out to be a stuck up whore, while the second was simply a slutty whore. In both cases something became readily apparent. God has no balls, subsequently hates me a person with balls of prodigious size. Therefore I am doomed to wander the earth, big balls in tow, searching for a special someone to rub my ass while dressed in a Sailor Moon outfit.

Sometimes life is just unfair.

go to hell

After yesterdays psychotic rant, my mood has worsened considerably. Other then giving a universal fuck you, not a lot else to spew about today. I do need to find a new place to live. Anyone who lives in the central Ohio area, with an available room or desire to get a place, feel free to contact me I am off to have a depressing weekend full of solitude, cursing at cartoons and video games.

Hope you all suffer as much as I am or at the very least contract an STD (like Herpes & Gonorrhea)

go to hell

I have decided to forego all my rights, and sell-out to the pseudo-intellectual conformists who run this country. My innate sense of self has only held me back in today’s fast-paced, multi-tasking environment where people are expected to blend into one well oiled corporate machine, maximizing their group potential and minimizing any sense of self identity. Lemmings do not bother me per say, as I recognize the necessity of having thoughtless automatons do the majority of the work. Yet, I always felt that the tedium visited upon others was not for me. The path less taken was to be mine. I was to be the innovator, the driving force behind the mindless masses. Looks like that isn't going to happen, as reality keeps hitting me in the face like a drunken one-eyed bitch. Seems I have/had an overactive imagination, leading to an egocentric world model that placed the self at paramount importance while regulating everyone else beneath my grandiose position. In other words I am self-delusional or more to the point a lonely, crazy bastard with too much time on his hands. Therefore I now promise to dedicate my life to losing all sense of self to the social structure. Hopefully by jumping off the bridge with everyone else my problems will be solved.


Then again all you white-collar zombie zealots

can kiss my unique, dementia suffering ass

and go to

hell