I have been up for over 24 hours spending time with an old love. There is something that I need to share with everyone. It is something I have tried to hide for over a decade. Each of us have terrible, dark, often sexually exploitative secrets. Well, mine is no different. I am a nerd. Though not a "hip" nerd like those fellows from the movies, no I am just a pathetic dork. I enjoy reading fantasy novels, and often find myself daydreaming about alternate realities where dragons rule the sky and men walk alongside Gods. Furthermore I like playing role playing games, though only on the computer or console system because I am not a total dork. Also, Dragonball Z is my favorite cartoon, followed closely by the Power Puff girls. You see I am a huge dork and am damn proud of it. The pretty people of the world can have their friends, parties, jobs, and sex lives. I, for one, am happy to lounge around in my underwear reading Lord of the Rings while Blossom is pummeling Mojo JoJo in the background. And with that profound personal admission let me give special acknowledgment to a lovely reader of mine. Her perverse and peculiar fascination with Elf on Hobbit sex made it easier to accept my inner-nerd.

All you popular and beautiful people

I am so jealous of you

and thats why

you can

go to hell and/or let me hang out with you

"You need to see a fucking psychiatrist" Upon hearing these poignant words from my father it became abundantly clear that I needed to seek professional help. There is a little sadness associated with being diagnosed as crazy by my father, though I am fairly sure his analysis is right on. Seeing a mind-fucker, i.e. voodoo head doctor, is a scary proposition. I find no fault with those who are treated by the pseduo-erikson's of the world but personally it never seemed a good fit in my life. I had always hoped to be considered clown crazy, perhaps evil genius sort of mad or a sexual deviant nut....well one out of three ain't so bad. Anyway, looks like my family isn't so keen on having a manic depressive lunatic.

what is a crazy guy to do?

eat a package of Oreos?

chew on my toenails?

or should I catalog a list of hated persons, and then formulate the most effective way to torment the people on the aforementioned list using only nail clippers and Oreo's.


no matter what

go to hell

I am spending a Friday night watching Howard Stern on the E channel.



FUCK YOU

and if you happen have two X chromosomes

i hate you very much.

due to your vile, cheating ball busting natures

Giving up the rib was a real bad call.

thanks Adam


go to hell

My mood is sour, due in great part to a gastric problem. As it were shitty sums up my last couple days. I am lonely, bitter, unemployed and living in a trailer. Worst of all Buffy is leaving on Tuesday, a few short days from now. Perhaps the weekend will lift my mood, though probably not. Usually I jest when wishing your descent into raging infernos of hell, however today I am not kidding

so go kill yourselves

and

go to hell

I went to two interviews today. How proud my parents were to see their little boy all dressed up heading to a professional interview. For a moment I actually was proud. Of course, as usual, that feeling soon turned to apathetic disgust. It turns out that both jobs were simply fronts for a door-door scam that requires 60 hour work weeks and fully commissioned based income. Basically unless you hold a knife to the potential clients throat, and/or threaten to rape their grandparents, you will make jack squat. I was beginning to day dream about having a career, moving into a non-wheel based home, and having an overall great life. But I will be damned if the bitter cold of reality didn't hit me square in the nuts. Needless to say today was a wash.

everyone has work success

i hope you

go to hell

A couple weeks ago I dedicated myself to gaining a hundred pounds and fullfilling my destiny to be a morbidly obese asshole. Well folks I am twenty-five percent of the way there, as I have gained a prodigious amount of weight in these short weeks. Yet, I am ashamed to admit that doubt has crept into my swollen heart. Being gravity challenged most of my life I am quite familiar with the pros and cons associated with gluttony. And, even though there is many benefits to shameless stuffing ones face, there is one negative that I am not overly fond of. You see when one gains weight quickly, the skin is often unable to stretch quickly enough which in turn leads to stretch marks. Now, since I have been blessed with a stomach reminiscent of an 11 month overdue pregnant ladies, there is already a lot of stretching present. However, in the last year when I lost a considerable amount of weight, the marks had become docile and lost that red flare. Now, they are very noticeable, which is acceptable, but also god awfully painful. Earlier today I vowed to end my indulgent ways. Of course four hours later I ate 4 pieces of KFC, two rolls butter dipped rolls and drank three sodas. It seems that my course is set, pain be damned.

By the way if you happen to see me shirtless this summer, feel free to laugh

because you can

go to hell

I called about an apartment today, and even went so far as to schedule a viewing appointment. Before going my parents asked where it was located. After hearing the address they both informed me that only crack heads and whores live there. I was heartbroken to learn that this sweet deal ($320.00 a month, all utilities included) was a bastion for illicit criminals. Though near crack whores did have a certain appeal, though I highly doubt they look like Erika Christensen . So looks like I am staying in the trailer for now.

Anyway all this talk of crack and whores reminded me of my ex and the state of drugs in America. Since I commented enough on the latter, today let’s focus on the former.

The United States is saturated with drugs. Otherwise unconnected activities like geezer sex and fraternity parties are connected through their dependence on drugs to facilitate a good time. Personally I really don't give a flying pig in space what people do in their private lives. If someone wants to take a pill to escape reality or to increase sexual function that is their right. However, the problem with drugs in America is that they seldom stay limited to the private sphere. One of three things can occur when a person becomes addicted to a drug; they choose to stay in their humble abode enjoying the benefits of said drug, or they go out in public hence demonstrating its effects, or they seek financial material means to insure the high does not cease. The first instance is perfectly acceptable; I am a big proponent of personal hedonistic behavior. The second instance is both good and bad. Stoners are hilarious in public, as are drunks, but a 75 year old man wearing mesh shorts with a perpetual erection is not a pretty sight. Though, my biggest complaint with drugs is with the third behavior. People do really stupid things to guarantee a constant state of euphoria. Crack whores sell their bodies to chubby 22 year old guys; heroin junkies rob their grandparents, hell you would be surprised by the number of people who rob convenience stores for cigarettes. And, let’s not forget the yuppie coke heads that put in an 80 hour work week so they can get another promotion to support their addiction. Basically reliance on drugs often leads a person to sale their soul for the transitory pleasures. And, trust me if you are going to lose your soul at least get more then a fifth of whiskey and a pack of Camels.

Well that’s all today folks, not a lot else to say

So remember to stay away from drugs (except for caffeine and methamphetamines cause they don't count)

and

go to hell

I need more lesbians in my life. I have plenty of heterosexual male friends, and at least two homosexual male friends. (you may notice my omission of heterosexual women, which is purposeful as I hate them due to their whorish soul-sucking ways) Yet, there is a giant void in the lesbian department. Lesbians, or as I like to call them bull-dykes, have a lot to offer me. For example they could help me understand the mythical female anatomy. Even after spending thousands of hours carefully examining photographs and video footage, I am still at a loss as to how the female body works. A guy once told me about this magical organ called a skittloris , which causes women to feel really nice. Subsequent research has failed to uncover this mythical button that sets women on fire. But, if anyone would know where to look, it would be a carpet muncher. This is where you, my loyal readers, come in. So if anyone knows a penis-hater, or is one their self, please contact me. Though I could just call my ex-girlfriend (not the crazy slut one) as I have a strong inclination she liked the pajama.
By the way don't click on the links today if you are under 18, a prude or my little brother.


have a nice day,

and

go to hell

While returning videos today, I drove past the local library. Several years ago the library conned the taxpayers into giving them several million dollars. Personally, I love to read and in theory a state of the art library is a great idea. However, when 1/2 the local population is illiterate or just plain stupid; there is a little need for supra-library center. Right now it is used for free internet access, by cheap elderly people, and a place to get free video rentals by the local poor white trailer-trash (i.e. me). In other words my city, which by the way is in dire financial straits, garnished several million taxpayer dollars to build a state of the art internet/video hub for geriatric retarded poor folk.

And people wonder why I am so damn bitter.


go to hell

There was a pleasant surprise in the mail today, an admissions application to Devry. There is a lot of stigma associated with Devry, perhaps rightfully so, however they are willing to possibly willing to accept me into the MBA program. And, I am a firm believer that you get out what you put in, regardless of the institution.

Also, it looks as if my father is serious about having auctions in the back of his store. Ultimately this may turn out to be a very profitable venture. And, if not I can always fall back on my vibrant personality and good looks. (god help me on my both accounts).

Well that sums up my personal news for the day. By the way I told you so. Western Europe portrays America as a self-serving nation seeking to impose our vision on the world. Of course, as usual, it is the other way around. The French were playing both sides; hopefully that double dealing has caught up with them.

and so if you are French, or a snail-eater sympathizer,

go to hell