While driving to my dad's store to deal with some customer service issues (stupid bastards don't understand how to answer their email) I spied a billboard stating "Abstinence 79% of Licking County teenagers is doing it". At first I doubted its veracity. Now, if one categorized children ages one to ten years of age as teenagers then I would believe 79% are not sexually active. Well, ok at least 60 %. But there is no way on God's green earth that you can convince me that nearly 8/10 teenagers, in my area, are refraining from sex. First of all the billboards use of Abstinence is flawed, because I know for fact 9/10 teenagers here have no idea what that term means. In fact it wouldn't be a surprise if they confused the term with a similar sounding Halluncengenic English drink. . I have more faith that the 80 % of the local pubescent population are seeing Christiana Aguilera headed spiders rather then not getting it on. My second major issue with the billboard is ambiguity surrounding the term Abstinence. Depending on how a questionnaire is worded it is plausible that a young lady takes up the # 2 spot from one guy while suckling on another’s Private Ryan and she would still answer that she is a virgin. Realistically the term should cover all intimate sexual contact that in anyway involves an orifice. However the surveyors are often either too naive or just willfully ignorant to include sexual contact beyond vaginal insertion in their studies. There is very little statistical data that identifies the prevalence of oral and anal sex amongst young people; in fact there is nothing beyond anecdotal evidence.

Many of you may disagree with my assertion that oral & anal sex despoils virginity. Well you either fall into one of two categories. Either you are a whore or a Sunday Christian. The first term is self-explanatory while the second term is analogous to being a hypocrite. Regardless common sense dictates that girls going down on guys and guys well getting downed on should not claim sexual purity. The term abstinence means to "refrain from indulging ones appetite" and having the pretty little blonde next door kiss your special place is indulging oneself, not denying. Of course I have no problem with people being promiscuous, as some of my best friends are slutty whores. Yet, I do have a problem with deluding the self and in the case of the billboard deceiving others. Your sex life is no ones business, when you are a self sufficient adult. Conversely when you are underage, or even in college, and dependant on guardians for financial security, those same folk who provide housing, money, and food have a stake in your sex life. If you knock someone up, or get knocked up they are responsible for repercussions as much as you, at least financially. Furthermore if you get an STD or simply have an emotional breakdown because Johnny didn't call after you licked his lollipop they have to deal with your stupid ass

The billboard is blatantly lying to parents. They have a false sense of security. The already blind eye that mommy and daddy have concerning their children's faults is significantly magnified in scope when they read 79% aren't doing it. Adding insult to injury that their tax dollars, be it local, state or federal are being used to construct elaborate lies, so that they will feel better.

Everyone needs to wake up, get a clue and take responsibility.

Jesus......I am such a hypocrite.

anyway

go to hell

Coming home from dinner today (I ate an extra large pizza by myself) I spied a groundhog scurring underneath my home. In the eighteen months I have lived here a skunk, a possum litter, and now a groundhog have been my roomies. If you didn't know already, I live in a thirty-five year old trailer. From the outside it is the sort of place your parents warned you to stay very far away from. Most would probably assume a child molestor or serial killer abides here. Depending on how well you know me, that assumption may not be terribly far off. Anyway, at least there is an upside to this living situation . I pay no rent or utilities and have free acess to the fridge next door. I guess having an overabundance of food and free housing does compensate for living with the locale wildlife in dirty old man's dream house/child dungeon.

Anyway all this thinking about child molesters, furry rodents, and trailers brought to mind my Fraternity pledging experience. Since devling into that topic could bring up painful, perhaps criminally incriminating memories instead I am going to end today's post with a new feature. Henceforth every Saturday I will conclude with a quote in lieu of my usual "go to hell" Everyone is welcome and encouraged to leave a quote in the comment box whether it be their own tidbits of wisdom or from someone else. Please give proper credit whenever possible, especially when it is something brilliant you have overheard me say.


todays useful quote

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
(Joan Rivers (1935 - )

Another fun filled weekend that will ultimately end with me ordering a pizza and watching late night horror flicks. I am really getting fat. I took a picture today and was horrified to see Quasimotto staring back. My rapid descent into morbid obesity has become an obstacle. You see I am getting really lonely and find myself staring off into space dreaming of being held by a non-hairy woman. So I am a hopeless romantic or just really hard up for a piece of puntang. Either way my basketball head and Volkswagonesque ass is preventing a healthy dating life. In fact I have no prospects at the current time. Now some of you would point out that my pleasant disposition and vivacious personality should suffice in attracting a women. Obviously you folks are assholes who think themselves funny. At best I am an introvert, and at worst a delusional narcissist. Basically not the guy you take home to see the parents, though possibly the guy who cuts the parents lawn.

Anyway fat-ass here is off to watch a B grade horror film

have a great weekend

no, scratch that

and

go to hell

I hate menial work, as it goes against my delicate sensibilities. Also, it seems my hate extends to those who work at these plebian jobs. Apprently those who make minimum wage are unhappy with their shitty lot in life. Since they are making so little money in such piss ass-backwards vocation these pug faced monkeys believe it is their right to do a lackluster job. The fast food industry is a perfect example. First disregard the 16-18 year old worker, who by definition does a bad job due to their acne puss seeping into their brains. Yet, everyone else at these establishments, including the management, take it upon themselves to disregard orders, give extremely poor customer service and frequently containment the food ( i.e. spitting, defecting, stirring the soup with the penis. all true verified examples). I owe a good bit of my girth to the fast food industry, so one could call me an expert in this field, at least from the customer perspective. I performed an experiment this week, which consisted of eating two meals a day at various fast food locales and seeing how often they delivered my order correctly. Eight trips and five orders wrong later I have concluded that anyone over 18 years of age working in a McDonalds, Wendys, Burger King etc. should be shot in the head. Now let me clarify what I mean by shot. They need to take a loaded 12 gauge shotgun put the barrel in their mouth point at the 60 degree angel and pull the trigger. There is virtually no chance of survival and even those who do will be hooked up a ventelation machine wearing Depends for the rest of their lives. Either way it works out best for everyone involved.


if you have a problem with today's apt assessment

you are a walking, talking example of why we have birth control


and you should

go to hell

Not much to talk about today. I am physically and mentally exhausted from last night. Though I would like to comment on the folks who are using my comments to comment to one another. From this point on please direct all comments to me. I am getting jealous of the love that Travis is getting here on my site. Feel free to give him love here.

so have a nice day

and

go to hell

Buffy is over. Seven years I have enjoyed this show and now it is officially done. As with any good story the ending left more questions then answers and thank God it allowed for numerous spin-off possibilities. However, there will never be another Buffy Summers. Sarah Michelle Gellar played a character whose very existence was laughable but nonetheless made it work. Whether she was killing a vampire, talking with friends or suffering from simple teenage angst the character seemed real. In fact the entire cast, from bit players, to the core three of AH, NB, and SMG were able to create a believable story. There is no higher compliment to offer a story be it book, TV. show, or movie then to say I empathized with the characters and even grew to love them. I loved this show and am not ashamed to admit relating to a story about an ex-cheerleader turned vampire slayer. It was, is and always will be an incredible story.


Thank you Miss Summers

It was a wonderful run

your fan,

bob

btw if you didn't like Buffy and/or think the above post is stupid

GO TO HELL AND EXPECTED TO BE FLOGGED BY A LEGION OF TWO TONGUED ALBINO SEA MONKIES

I have been up for over 24 hours spending time with an old love. There is something that I need to share with everyone. It is something I have tried to hide for over a decade. Each of us have terrible, dark, often sexually exploitative secrets. Well, mine is no different. I am a nerd. Though not a "hip" nerd like those fellows from the movies, no I am just a pathetic dork. I enjoy reading fantasy novels, and often find myself daydreaming about alternate realities where dragons rule the sky and men walk alongside Gods. Furthermore I like playing role playing games, though only on the computer or console system because I am not a total dork. Also, Dragonball Z is my favorite cartoon, followed closely by the Power Puff girls. You see I am a huge dork and am damn proud of it. The pretty people of the world can have their friends, parties, jobs, and sex lives. I, for one, am happy to lounge around in my underwear reading Lord of the Rings while Blossom is pummeling Mojo JoJo in the background. And with that profound personal admission let me give special acknowledgment to a lovely reader of mine. Her perverse and peculiar fascination with Elf on Hobbit sex made it easier to accept my inner-nerd.

All you popular and beautiful people

I am so jealous of you

and thats why

you can

go to hell and/or let me hang out with you

"You need to see a fucking psychiatrist" Upon hearing these poignant words from my father it became abundantly clear that I needed to seek professional help. There is a little sadness associated with being diagnosed as crazy by my father, though I am fairly sure his analysis is right on. Seeing a mind-fucker, i.e. voodoo head doctor, is a scary proposition. I find no fault with those who are treated by the pseduo-erikson's of the world but personally it never seemed a good fit in my life. I had always hoped to be considered clown crazy, perhaps evil genius sort of mad or a sexual deviant nut....well one out of three ain't so bad. Anyway, looks like my family isn't so keen on having a manic depressive lunatic.

what is a crazy guy to do?

eat a package of Oreos?

chew on my toenails?

or should I catalog a list of hated persons, and then formulate the most effective way to torment the people on the aforementioned list using only nail clippers and Oreo's.


no matter what

go to hell

I am spending a Friday night watching Howard Stern on the E channel.



FUCK YOU

and if you happen have two X chromosomes

i hate you very much.

due to your vile, cheating ball busting natures

Giving up the rib was a real bad call.

thanks Adam


go to hell

My mood is sour, due in great part to a gastric problem. As it were shitty sums up my last couple days. I am lonely, bitter, unemployed and living in a trailer. Worst of all Buffy is leaving on Tuesday, a few short days from now. Perhaps the weekend will lift my mood, though probably not. Usually I jest when wishing your descent into raging infernos of hell, however today I am not kidding

so go kill yourselves

and

go to hell