I called about an apartment today, and even went so far as to schedule a viewing appointment. Before going my parents asked where it was located. After hearing the address they both informed me that only crack heads and whores live there. I was heartbroken to learn that this sweet deal ($320.00 a month, all utilities included) was a bastion for illicit criminals. Though near crack whores did have a certain appeal, though I highly doubt they look like Erika Christensen . So looks like I am staying in the trailer for now.

Anyway all this talk of crack and whores reminded me of my ex and the state of drugs in America. Since I commented enough on the latter, today let’s focus on the former.

The United States is saturated with drugs. Otherwise unconnected activities like geezer sex and fraternity parties are connected through their dependence on drugs to facilitate a good time. Personally I really don't give a flying pig in space what people do in their private lives. If someone wants to take a pill to escape reality or to increase sexual function that is their right. However, the problem with drugs in America is that they seldom stay limited to the private sphere. One of three things can occur when a person becomes addicted to a drug; they choose to stay in their humble abode enjoying the benefits of said drug, or they go out in public hence demonstrating its effects, or they seek financial material means to insure the high does not cease. The first instance is perfectly acceptable; I am a big proponent of personal hedonistic behavior. The second instance is both good and bad. Stoners are hilarious in public, as are drunks, but a 75 year old man wearing mesh shorts with a perpetual erection is not a pretty sight. Though, my biggest complaint with drugs is with the third behavior. People do really stupid things to guarantee a constant state of euphoria. Crack whores sell their bodies to chubby 22 year old guys; heroin junkies rob their grandparents, hell you would be surprised by the number of people who rob convenience stores for cigarettes. And, let’s not forget the yuppie coke heads that put in an 80 hour work week so they can get another promotion to support their addiction. Basically reliance on drugs often leads a person to sale their soul for the transitory pleasures. And, trust me if you are going to lose your soul at least get more then a fifth of whiskey and a pack of Camels.

Well that’s all today folks, not a lot else to say

So remember to stay away from drugs (except for caffeine and methamphetamines cause they don't count)

and

go to hell

I need more lesbians in my life. I have plenty of heterosexual male friends, and at least two homosexual male friends. (you may notice my omission of heterosexual women, which is purposeful as I hate them due to their whorish soul-sucking ways) Yet, there is a giant void in the lesbian department. Lesbians, or as I like to call them bull-dykes, have a lot to offer me. For example they could help me understand the mythical female anatomy. Even after spending thousands of hours carefully examining photographs and video footage, I am still at a loss as to how the female body works. A guy once told me about this magical organ called a skittloris , which causes women to feel really nice. Subsequent research has failed to uncover this mythical button that sets women on fire. But, if anyone would know where to look, it would be a carpet muncher. This is where you, my loyal readers, come in. So if anyone knows a penis-hater, or is one their self, please contact me. Though I could just call my ex-girlfriend (not the crazy slut one) as I have a strong inclination she liked the pajama.
By the way don't click on the links today if you are under 18, a prude or my little brother.


have a nice day,

and

go to hell

While returning videos today, I drove past the local library. Several years ago the library conned the taxpayers into giving them several million dollars. Personally, I love to read and in theory a state of the art library is a great idea. However, when 1/2 the local population is illiterate or just plain stupid; there is a little need for supra-library center. Right now it is used for free internet access, by cheap elderly people, and a place to get free video rentals by the local poor white trailer-trash (i.e. me). In other words my city, which by the way is in dire financial straits, garnished several million taxpayer dollars to build a state of the art internet/video hub for geriatric retarded poor folk.

And people wonder why I am so damn bitter.


go to hell

There was a pleasant surprise in the mail today, an admissions application to Devry. There is a lot of stigma associated with Devry, perhaps rightfully so, however they are willing to possibly willing to accept me into the MBA program. And, I am a firm believer that you get out what you put in, regardless of the institution.

Also, it looks as if my father is serious about having auctions in the back of his store. Ultimately this may turn out to be a very profitable venture. And, if not I can always fall back on my vibrant personality and good looks. (god help me on my both accounts).

Well that sums up my personal news for the day. By the way I told you so. Western Europe portrays America as a self-serving nation seeking to impose our vision on the world. Of course, as usual, it is the other way around. The French were playing both sides; hopefully that double dealing has caught up with them.

and so if you are French, or a snail-eater sympathizer,

go to hell

I spent time with my college friends last night. It was a very fun night, and a welcome diversion from my usual ho-hum life. Three of my buddies are graduating on Sunday (took the stupid bastards 5 years) which officially ends any connection I have with college. Lately, I have reminisced about what ifs, as in what if I went to class, or what if I wasn't a violent drunk freshman and sophomore year. Academically my college career was a wash, but there is much more to an education then grades. I am a better a human being for attending Northface U. due in large part to the drunken-soccer hooligans I call friends. Most of them were academically-challenged yet all of them were incredibly bright, vibrant people with a zest for life. They broadened my social understanding considerably, and opened up my eyes to a wealth of possibilities. Thank you guys. Congrats Mike, Jon and Greg on your impending graduation.

I am in a good mood today, so there is little "hate" to spread. Though, odds are that as I am writing this Mike, Jon and Greg are drunk lying in their own bile. And, by 3am Mike will have hooked up with a gravity-challenged blonde, with Jon possibly joining with Greg chain smoking in the corner watching the whole affair. So there my daily dose of being mean.....well actually just truthful in this instance.

have a nice weekend,

and

go to hell

Disclaimer "Do not read the following post if at anytime we engaged in any sort of physical intimacy. You may take offense, especially if you are the whore I am talking about. Everyone else is welcome to examine today's blog entry. And, if you have any doubts who I am talking about, feel free to email me. "

Last night an old flame called me. She was upset that I had shared some information concerning her ex-con crack head boyfriend with a few dozen people. So, in an indignant rage she proceeded to heckle me. Of course her limited intelligence greatly hindered her insults, as she was unable to come up with anything more then "You are fat, and not very good in (insert 3 letter word that rhymes with red). I responded by calling her a crazy slut. Unable to come back with a witty quip, she reverted to using my material and commented on my inability to be a man slut because I am neither attractive nor rich. She thought the game was hers with that statement. My retort "You have an easy time being a slut, all you had to do was spread your legs". Then, I identified why she had no friend. Not only was she a slut, but a crazy slut who announcers her slutdom to all around her. In a sense she had branded a scarlet S on the middle of her forehead. Now, I am usually all for sluts, because without them I would have nothing to do on the internet all day, however when a slut goes crazy, bad things tend to happen. And, to finish strong I pointed out that while I wasn't the best she had, I must have been in the top one hundred guys or so. (see I was making the very conservative claim that she engaged in coitus with over a one-hundred men) At this point I claimed victory, and the conversation was finished. I am disappointed that there wasn't more time to prepare a greater barrage of biting truths concerning her worthless scrotum licking existence, but I did well with the time available.

So, my former love if you are reading this, or if someone relates the details, please remember this

You are a stupid, skanky, crazy slut with no redeeming value other then your ability to spread and invite the cavalry in. My prediction is you will be knocked up within 2 years with an illegitimate child, while infected with numerous, and painful ailments including herpes, gonorrhea, and HPV

I hope you

go to hell

stupid bitch

I had an informative meeting with an admission adviser at OSU. Appears my BA in religion from Denison University means absolutely jack-squat. If I enrolled at OSU there would be freshman with more recognized credit hours. Yesterday I had this great idea, and just like that it is torn apart. Couple today's misfortune with last nights thunderstorm warnings and Bob is not a happy boy. In fact one could argue that I am unhappy. Now, Bob will go watch cartoons, curl up into the fetal position and be oddly aroused by sexually ambiguous anime characters. What a life Bob lives.

Though I do find some satisfaction knowing that approximately 40,000 people contracted a new STD today. There painful, puss filled, agonizingly painful genital warts make my 20 something angst seem insignificant. You know, it is those little things in life that make you happy, like the sexual misfortune of others.


For those of you who have burning and itching sensation along with numerous painful bumps/sores on their private area

I have three words for you

HA HA HA

that’s what you get for having sex (especially since I am not)

and remember to

go to hell

Buffy was on, National Weather service decided to declare thunderstorm warning, local emergency channel intercepts Buffy signal, I growl loudly, 2 minutes later show continues, this happens 3 more times, I miss 10 mins out of 40 because of the Thunderstorm warning, I go on killing spree. GOD DAMN STUPID FUCKERS.........

They have to declare a fucking severe thunderstorm warning 4 times in less than hour. Jesus Christ, it is a thunderstorm, how big of a fucking pansy can you be. Seriously I hope that everyone at the National Weather Service, the local weather service, and the COCK-SUCKER who oked interrupting my show go to fucking hell and burn eternally while being penetrated by a legion of demonic monkey dwarves.


DO NOT MESS WITH MY BUFFY TIME


GO TO HELL

While at work, I surfed the web for a fair amount of time. There is a lot of information on the internet, though most of it does seem to be centered on penile enlargement and naked teenage coeds. Believe it or not both of those topics are near and dear to my heart. Go figure. Eventually, I found my way to a website that started to make my head spin. Not because it was interesting or in anyway beneficial. No, what amazed me was how utterly useless my college degree was, I would have been better off working as fry cook for 4 years. Because by this point I would at least be assistant-head fryer. It seems graduate schools in Ohio frown upon a BA in Religion; subsequently they do not offer admittance. Furthermore, in order to ever earn a post-bachelor degree, I have two options. I could develop a cure for cancer then sell the rights to the Chinese for a hefty profit, and give that sizeable sum to a local university who in turn will offer me an honorary doctorate. Or, I could just start over and begin college anew.
Guess which one I will choose? So, as of right now (plans will probably change at least 3 times by the time you read this) I plan on getting a job, going back to get another undergraduate degree. This time I will apply myself, earn stellar marks, and graduate with honors. And, with all these collegiate accolades my dream school Cleveland State University will have to accept me into their graduate African-American studies program.


It is a good plan, or so I thought at 3:00 pm. Wish me luck, well actually don't since you disgust me.

instead

go to hell

Monday's suck, almost as much as my ex-girlfriend. Damn she was like a Hoover vacuum cleaner (or at least that is what those 10 guys at the bar told me). Anyway not lot news today, just the same pervading feeling of utter failure and desolation.

I went to bed at 7:00 am, woke up at 10:00 am, pretended to work for 3 hours, went home, and watched cartoons. Actually that pretty much sums how I spent the last decade. It is hell being me.

After eating a sub, a salad, a few loaves of cheesy bread, and a couple sodas for lunch, my dad decided to share a valuable pearl of wisdom. It seems that I need to realize what it means to value things, i.e. struggle to pay the rent, bills, etc. While defecating a few minutes later, and trying my damnest to push one out (and women claim men know nothing about pain, I guarantee my 10 lb bundle of joy would give theirs a run for its money) my dad's wise counsel echoed in my head. And, even though I live in a dumpy, 40 year old trailer in the worst part of a universally accepted hell-hole/city, everything is provided for me. Now, I don't have a silver spoon, more like a plastic spork, but my greatest life struggle thus far has been figuring out which relative to kill off next so I wouldn't fail class. Therefore I make a solemn pledge before all of you and our
ball-less Lord to try my best to learn the value in struggle & strife. Where I once made my mother call for pizza delivery, I vow to do the dialing, and even the ordering myself

Perhaps one day, with concerted effort, I will appreciate my palatial like mobile home,
40 % body fat content, and ever thickening uni-brow. How lucky can a guy get?



as usual

go to hell