The new job isn't too bad but I still want to quit. I had a very thoughtful and engaging post pertaining to this exact subject but decided, at least in this case, that is less more. So, here is the truth behind my desire not to work. I am a lazy fuck who refuses to grow up. End of story. But, I still manage to love myself, quite frequently actually, so don't feel too bad for Big Bobber.

An extremely large, as in top three banks in the world, seems to have lost there mind and approved a $30,000 loan in my name, alone, for additional education expenses. Problem is I have to demonstrate enrollment in college and provide proof of employment. I am seriously considering forging one of those documents, returing the promissory notes and fleeing to Mexico shortly after the loan is disbursed. Bob would live like a king in the sewer water capital. And my parents thought I lacked ambition.

This is good to know, especially if you like your ladies young, stupid and non-whorified.

Go To Hell

Ronald Reagan died the weekend and I can't help but feel a sharp pang of sadness at his passing. He is arguably one of the greatest Presidents in the Twentieth Century, if not the greatest. The great communicator will be sorely missed.


I remember a discussion, during my junior year in AP History class, concerning the most influential American Presidents. After the usual examples of Washington and Lincoln were placed on the blackboard, I chimed in with my pick, President Ronald Reagan. The teacher didn't agree with my assertion, as he felt Reagan was an important figure but not one deserving such high praise. His accomplishments, while valuable, were not of the caliber of FDR, Washington, or even JFK. My response was simple and direct. He spearheaded the end of Communism and brought down its most visible construct, the Berlin Wall. No amount of praise and accolades could ever do those deeds justice. I dared him to deny his Herculean achievements. Of course he was the teacher; I was not, so my words fell on deaf ears. Yet, our exchange remains fresh in my memory, like it happened yesterday, because it was about such an incredible leader and even more extraordinary man. I learned two valuable lessons that day; a teacher can be wrong and true greatness can never be denied


The world would do well to remember Ronald's great success and perhaps take a page from his book.

We face an evil in Terrorism that threatens to end existence as we know it. Hatred and fear loom over the United State like a sickly shadow but President Reagan faced an even greater evil, in the Soviet Union and communism, one which threatened to end all existence, period. This threat had a seemingly endless supply of nuclear weapons and military might, it was literally within their grasp to annihilate all life, yet we managed to persevere. Why? Because of our indomitable spirit and the leader who perfectly embodied it,President Ronald Wilson Reagan, a man who brought down an evil empire and ushered in well over a decade of peace and prosperity.

Thank you Mr. Reagan.

The link from yesterday has died, it seems quite a few other people were engrossed by it as well.

If you missed here is a brief synopsis: A group of retarded British high school students played out a scene where they demonstrated the danger of drugs and alcohol. There dialogue went something like this "Euhhhhhhhh, where is the tea ole chap, duhhhhhhhhh......ehuuuuuuuuu" and they proceeded to beat their chests like a silverback.

Two days and counting until my descent into utter middle class oblivion. Good for me.

Too bad Adult Swim didn't see fit to hire me, they were looking for a marketing manager and who better to manage cartoon markets then Bob?

For your enjoyment I posted my specially Adult Swim tailored resume below.

Go to Hell


Namexxxxx
Addressxxxxx
Phone # xxxxx
Emailxxxxx


Objective

Seeking a position that requires an affinity for cartoons, the necessity to ogle bosomed laden anime characters and takes advantages of my prodigious marketing skills. Ok, I am lying about the last part, I know next to nothing about marketing but an ex-girlfriend once remarked “I would make a great a used car salesman” so that sort of qualifies me. She also did this trick with her tongue, a banana, and Q-Tip but that is neither here nor there.

Education
May 2002
Denison University Granville, Ohio
Bachelor of Arts Religion with Distinction (Cause I am brilliant)

Major's curriculum required skipping massive amounts of class, killing off several relatives in order to graduate, including three maternal grandmothers. I told them we were Mormon, they didn’t ask any questions.

Activities

Sigma Alpha Epsilon (Drank copious amounts of alcohol and streaked through campus wearing only a sock located in a strategic spot.)
Peer Tutor at Lincoln Middle School (I had to do it in order to pass an Honors Class, but it still counts, right?)
Walk for Diabetes (I am morbidly obese, it behooved me to take a preemptive strike, oh and my hot HR asked me to do it)
Honors Program Denison University (Lasted for two years but after the death of my second grandmother and a nasty bout with a dumpster I was asked to leave)
Co-Capitan Licking County Relay for Life (The one good deed in my life except I really wasn’t the Co-Capitan but I was there.)

Irrelevant
Experience
Park Place Antiques Newark, Ohio
Manager
June 96-
May 2004
I worked for dad the last eight years in lieu of getting a real job.

Job functions included; lunch, answering a couple emails, second lunch, restroom break, listing a half dozen items on Ebay, mid afternoon snack and workday ending argument with parental unit.

Skills Personal Computers

IBM Compatible (MS Word, Outlook Express, PowerPoint).
I used PowerPoint for a project in Computer Science 101 while attending a Liberal Arts institution that housed servers with 166 MHZ of processing power, I must be an expert.

Familiarity with HTML code- Made a remedial website dedicated to my psychosis; it is really therapeutic, if a little off-putting. Feel free to visit, but if you are a woman, minority, from a Slavic state or Irish please don’t be offended. I am from the Midwest so we don’t have much contact with your kind

Customer Service
Established a stellar customer feedback rating on Ebay with over 4,500 positive responses and anyone who wasn’t satisfied I ignored with extreme prejudice.

Marketing
Post throes of passion an ex-flame stated my affinity for constructing the truth in a colorful way. That pretty much sums up the marketing profession, doesn’t it? By the way that is a rhetorical question but if you want to reply feel free to do so, but don’t surprised if the answer shatters all your conceptions of time, space and Brittany Spears.


Availability June 2004.

This is fucking ridiculous. I am.......dumbfounded, stupefied even. I guess the message is don't do drugs or you will have retarded British children.

go to hell

The internet has ruined humanity. Look at myself for example, in person I am a sweet, loving, adorable and generous human being but the anonymity of the internet causes me to morph into a gigantic ass. Then again, in my case, it is simply allowing the true Bob to emerge, like a beautiful butterfly fluttering out from the cocoon; I am freed from societal restraints and am able to embrace my true inner-hate. But, I am the exception to the rule. Everyone else who uses the information superhighway is an asshole simply because no one is able to beat their ass for being one.

The ass beating theorem has prevented legions of morons from acting on their pathetic and asinine desires. You don't usually find random people walking up to your person and call you a "stupid fucking faggot." Why? Because you, your brother, father, mother, significant other, or the police will beat that offender’s ass.

Even less abrasive confrontations are covered under the a.b. theorem. Take an annoying customer, the stereotypical know-it-all, who claims to know the origin of a particular item and proceeds to tell you either price according to what I said, or I am going to stand out front and tell everyone you are a crook. Guess what happens next? The store owner pulls out a magnum revolver, walks up to the sanctimonious piss ant and pistol whips the living shit out of him. I am not a constitutional expert but it is fairly clear that is justifiable assault and, more importantly, covered under the a.b. theorem.

Sadly, this is not applicable to the internet, allowing otherwise inexplicable acts of idiocy to occur. The previous examples are based on true experiences. Anytime I enter a chat room or play an online game I am assaulted with dozens of expletives, usually involving my mother and a midget named Andy. Even worse than the verbal assaults, by the tween contingent, are the sanctimonious bitches who spend all their on Ebay, telling sellers what they are doing wrong and often resorting to veiled threats and extortions tactics if the seller refuses to heed their advice. These people need be introduced to a concept known as assisted suicide with me being the one who is "assisting."


Go to Hell

Yesterday's post came off, well frankly, as a little psychotic. Usually, I am all for depraved ranting and ravings but, even I, recognize there is point where it becomes excessive. What I am trying to say is that lunancy is fine: An example of this would be breaking into an ex-girlfriend's email. Conversely, psychopathic behavior is not acceptable; say for instance I set my lady love aflame, that would be problematic, not to mention smelly.

It is true that Bob is blessed with a mulitude of issues, but he is not a homocidal maniac. I catorogize myself as more of a crazy fucking lunatic with a good heart.


Go to Hell

I am extremely displeased at the moment. Apparently, I, just like Courtney Love, never learn. And, unlike that crazy whore, I can't blame my poor decision making process on chemical dependency. No, I am just really fucking stupid. Whereas there are thousands of support groups for weak-willed people, whom make wrong headed choices, I haven't found one yet for those, i.e. me, who choose with the wrong head. One can argue that I am not unique in this manner, as many men live by the skin of their scrotum, but unlike most others, I am complete and utter bitch. Chalk it up to a domineering mother, lack of meaningful inter-gender interaction during my formative years or too much Mountain Dew, regardless the result is the same; I am a slave to the putang, minus the putang part.

Problem is I would rather cuddle with the objects of my affections then ravage their nubile bodies. Why? I am a stupid bitch. Somewhere along the line sex and love became synonymous in my book, which is totally acceptable if I am a fourteen year old girl living in the Bible belt. Sadly this not the case therefore it is necessary for me, Bob, to divorce the two concepts. Thus far I haven't really come up with a workable solution, hence the origin of today's post. However; I do have a rudimentary understanding of what differentiates love from sex. Sex is the appropriate term when dealing with dirty whores, while love is applicable for the woman you marry. Problem is, at least in the United States, I can only marry one woman. Based upon my theory, there is one virtuous Mrs. Bob out there, with the other one-hundred fifty million ladies being evil sluts sent here by Shaitan to humiliate torture and emotionally rape me.

Since, I am a stupid bitch, with a carrier load of issues, there is little I can do. Chemical castration is always an option. And, as an added bonus, the little girls down the street would be able to play outside. Of course I could always forego women altogether and devote my life to spiritual enlightenment. Buddha Bob does have a nice ring to it. Then again I might just stick to my earlier birthday resolution and hire a whore. Don’t worry I still plan on berating the bitch but would work in a couple minutes for her to suckonmyboner.

After reading this can any of you believe I am single?


Go to Hell

I have garnered a bit of publicity from the Wikepedia incident. Instead of the usual four to five people who read my posts, several hundred have stopped by. This influx of traffic is due, in large part, to direct links in several internet forums. As a service to these first time, and hopefully only time, visitors I am going to provide some background information so that they don't come away with the wrong impression of me.

I take this blog very seriously. Much of what is written here is, in fact, the whole truth. Well, except for the parts that relies on lies and clever uses of hyperbole. I know that you are used to accurate, mature and factual nature of the online forum community, so I hope you feel right at home here. This perfectly segues into another issue that needs to be explored. Is this site a self-effacing parody, one that exists only to entertain or is it the ranting of a bitter misanthrope who truly wishes the worst for each and everyone of you, and in fact hopes you spend your lives blessed with anal herpes that only breakout while in the throes of sexual passion and during the consumption of chocolate? The answer can be summed up in a simple but all encompassing answer: Yes.

One forum thread in particular caught my eye, as it dealt with the picture in the upper right hand corner. One of the esteemed members of El Saano felt that my hate filled rhetoric stemmed from my need for facial reconstructive surgery. Let me first assure you that is my picture in the upper right hand corner. Although I can understand why one would assume, based on that picture alone, that Bob spends his free time in a French Cathedral, the truth is that Bob is big sexy bitch. In fact Fiwer (the forum handle of the person in question) if given a chance I would most assuredly fuck your mother and most likely have your father eat out my ass shortly thereafter, due to my innate sexy bitchness.

Of course there is much more to I Hate you then what has been written here but I don't want to take up too much more of your precious time. I understand that those who follow the call of the forum troll have better things to do then read my blog. I wish you all the best, especially with your severe skin problems and predilection for Tentacle-related Hentai. And, I want to leave you, the internet forum community, with the following

Please do give your mothers a kiss for me, tell your fathers to wipe the shit off their faces and most importantly

Go to Hell

Bob has a job. It isn't a good job. In fact, it is a shitty a job. But, it is a job nonetheless. Assuming the Denison Islamic Student Association doesn't blow up downtown Newark, I start June 7th.

Last time I started a "real" job I lasted six weeks, which didn't help the resume so much, this time I plan on staying at least two months. By the age of thirty, I hope to have at least one year of work experience under my belt. Then again, I could simply let a company suck my soul dry, and strive for a career in corporate middle management.

What does this mean to you? Well, Bob having a job means really only one thing:

The terrorits have won.

Go to Hell

I am officially boycotting "The Free Encyclopedia". I entered my name into the database, which you can still find for the time being under Robert Kyle Wilson, as a lark. Apparently several people, who have way too much time on their hands, took exception with my work. The sanctity of "their" project is above reproach, so my self-effacing humor is not welcome

They need to get a life.


Go to Hell