Dan Rather Didn't Send Me The Memo

George Walker Bush was inaugurated today. He is only the sixteenth president to participate in--or suffer through--two inaugurations. In protest of those protesting the inauguration, I decided to post my protest.

I accept the notion of free speech, even if it isn't applied equably. Point out that Christmas, a Federal Holiday, celebrates the birth of Christ and you are violating civil liberties; illustrate that young black males are more likely to commit violent crimes than elderly Korean women and you are labeled a racist. In other words, free speech only protects the speech that you agree with it--and when I say you, I mean those people who didn't vote for Bush.

However, even if my point of view is routinely trampled upon, even if my values are mocked, and even if I believe in Christ and not affirmative action, I still tolerate the speech--stupid as it may be--of others.

So, good luck with your protest and enjoy the next four years. This might not be my country, hell, the course of history--meaning the oh-so-biased academics--will probably say its yours, nonetheless; I just wanted to say: Thanks for being such gigantic douches; demonstrating that the spirit of the 1960's is dead, not to mention retarded.

Go to Hell

My Hero: The Fuhrer

Prince Harry: Dad, I am not satisfied with being rich, handsome and a prince. Any suggestions?

Prince Charles: Hitler seemed like a happy, satisfied and well adjusted fellow. Why not be a Neo-Nazi?

Prince Harry: Great idea! Jewish interment camps, here we come. What flavor of tea goes with genocide?

Prince Charles: I found the flavor of Darjeeling quite soothing, after having your mother killed.

Prince Harry: Oh Dad, your such a card.


Go to hell

I had a good reason for killing twenty college coeds, honest!

Here is a list of mother's pet names for me:

• Bitch
• Fucking Bitch
• Fucker
• Whore
• Terrorist
• Faggot
• Faggot Bitch
• Loser
• Fat Ass
• Free Willie
• And my newest name--Embezzler

Go to Hell

He has a point

Little Brother: Petey (the family mutt--who, by the way, takes great delight in urinating on my discarded clothing) is worthless. He can't do anything.

Me: He can jump up onto the bed, which is pretty impressive considering his diminutive size.

Little Brother: What does diminutive mean?

Me: I think it means small, if not, well, it does now.

Little Brother: Ok. You know, Petey is half white and black.

Me: What? I don't follow.

Little Brother: Petey is half black, which means he can jump.

Me: Issy! You shouldn't say that.

Little Brother: It is true--white guys can't jump.

Me: That isn't true. There are plenty of white guys who can jump.

Little Brother: Name one.

Me: ...Well....umm...I am not the right person to ask. I would say to ask dad, but he would probably end up explaining instead how white people play basketball, while black people play jungle ball.

Little Brother: You are stupid.

Me: No argument here.

Go to Hell

Author's Note: I was shocked to learn that white men can, in fact, jump. Stefan Holm, 2004 Olympic High Jump Champion, is a living testimonial to this fact; however, he is from Sweden--which doesn't strictly count. The Swedes are a little too dark to be considered white; I think the term white with an asterisk is applicable in their case. Nonetheless, I, a gravity-bound white guy, will take what I can get.

Ha

I don't feel sorry for him. He put himself in this situation by fucking a thirteen-year-old girl.
(A friend responding to the sorry state affairs of a mutual acquaintance.)

Go to Hell

I am not dead--yet.

Posts will continue next week. I had a bout with food poisoning that resulted in the subsequent terror that is an empty stomach.

Go to Hell

Happy New Years: Don't Drink and Cry (Like Me)

I don't have plans for New Years Eve. I am considering going out, drinking a substantial amount of Red Bull & Vodka, and finishing the night off by vomiting all over my hamsters. However, I will probably turn in early tonight, say, around 10:30pm and leave the drunken hijinks--sex, furniture repair, sign stealing and alien scrotum pulling-- to the rest of you.

By the way, this is why I love internationalism.



Go to Hell

They Call It a Comeback

Ken Jennings is coming back this spring. He will play in the Jeopardy "Super" Tournament of Champions--competing against the best of the cerebral best. In other words, it is going to be Ken Jennings, King of the BuzzING, v. the collective genius of Jeopardy. My money is on Ken.

Go to Hell

He will live forever on TNT

God Speed Lenny.

Go to Hell

I Don't Rue Today

The lights are back on. All is right with the world. Bob is happy, or at least as happy as a misanthropic lard-ass can be.

Apparently in a Sex-Ed program, focusing on marriage is detrimental to children from non-traditional families--which is code for single parent and polygamous households. Here is to a nation of emotionally stunted children, who don't know what happened to daddy but are very secure in their own sexual promiscuity.

This is an old issue, but it still makes me smile at how inanity rules the day in the hippieverse. Amnesty International fails to realize that guns kill people too; I am betting a shotgun shot to the chest poses more threat of permanent injury and death than a taser.

Quote of the Day: This is not a crackhouse. (Mother in response to the little brother's assertion that the house smelled like a crackhouse)

Go to Hell