Wow.

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What I think about Links (not the once staple Personal Computer Golf Game)

If only she would have had a heart attack. Maybe next time when good-natured teenagers stop by, they will shoot her in the head instead of leaving cookies.

I would say that he is a polarizing personality, but since virtually everyone hates him, I will simply refer to him as an ass. It is good to know that professors can be held accountable for their words, though it did take several years and Bill--Talk Dirty To Me--O'Reilly to force the issue.

Finally, I may not share his joy in killing the enemy, but, really, don't we want our soldiers to enjoy their work. I, for one--or would that be two, since Lt. Gen. James Mattis originally expressed it, think that the Taliban soldiers were not positive examples of manhood, in fact, I would call them ball less monkeys. I hope the Council on American-Islamic Relations can forgive my brutal characterization of their Islamic brethren; if they can't, I am willing to let them cut off mom's head and to call it even.

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I really should have read the Federalist Papers and not spent Poli Sci 210 dreaming of Linda Schuman

I wanted to write a piece that shared my profound respect for the Constitution. I have spent nearly two hours writing, rewriting, and rewriting what I rewrote concerning this fact. Every revision clearly indicated my sincerity, but no matter how much I tried it came off as obtuse. The problem is I am not capable of doing justice to the document, nor to the brilliant men who created it. They created something that will forever be both timeless and timely. That is all I can think to say. So, umm...good for you Jefferson and crew. I hope that last line is as painful to read as it was to write.

We all are clear that I am pro-Constitution. I just don't like how it’s been used for political ends--by both parties--or, much more importantly, how modern day interpretations have lead to the slaughter of over forty million innocents. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth that the same document that insures my right to liberty, is used to justify the crushing of pre-infantile skulls. Then again, that's just me.

The real purpose of today's post is to congratulate America's Youth for being ignorant. I still don't want you, the children weaned on MTV and reality television, to vote or do anything more taxing than work as busboys, waitresses and porn stars, but I am really proud of your profound indifference to society at large.

This study, at least according to the article, demonstrates that today's high school students think the First Amendment is a second-rate issue. They also think censorship isn't necessarily bad and that flag burning is illegal. I only disagree with them on one point, and it is for a factual reason, because I completely agree with their intent, flag burning is not illegal in the United States. Go to a crowded space, be it a protest or at a miss ethanol pageant in the local mall, take a piece of fabric, your shirt for example, pour an accelerant on it, take out a lighter and then watch the sparks grow. Guess what will happen? You will be arrested. However, if you do the same thing with the American Flag it is considered a form of expression and not an attempt at arson. It is good to know that our judiciary lacks the common sense found in a generation that spends their free time watching Elimidate.

Personally, I am all for censorship. Some people want to ban Sponge Bob for promoting homosexual values. Others want to ban the speech of those same people who want to ban Sponge Bob. I want both groups to shut the fuck up. Obviously, this isn't going to happen, but it does prove a point: Everyone on some level believes in censorship, usually it involves limiting the rights of those whom you disagree with--that is a bad thing, unless you agree with me. It is the state's job (State and Local Government, and to a limited degree Federal Govt.) to limit access, and yes, even speech of those who endanger the well being of society. In other words, you have every right to cheer for John Kerry, you have every right to write poetry about humping a dolphin, but you don't have any right sitting things aflame in a public place--unless it is yourself, I am all for self-immolation--to have a parade preaching hate and ignorance (KKK and the ACLU), or to market albums towards children that preach killing cops, beating whores, and licking coke off the corpse of your soon-to-be-dead ex-girlfriends ass.

The Constitution was never meant to protect those later examples; in fact, it limited itself so the Federal Government wouldn't be guilty of actually promoting such reprehensible behavior, or worse, creating it. Instead it gave the states the ability to determine how best to protect their citizens from the tyranny of everyday life, while the Federal Government worried about fending off attacks from Brits riding in giant teacups, and negotiating exclusivity trade agreements for French berets.

I am ranting now, which is usually when I am at my best, or worst. Either way, I need to wrap this up, as I have wandered from the original intent of this entry: High School Students still have a modicum of common sense, which can't be said for society at large. They are probably ignorant of the Constitution, but there perceived indifference to the First Amendment, is actually what happens when common sense and ignorance meet. They don't know enough not to know that the Constitution is no longer an elastic document, but a malleable one, whose shape is determined by whatever group--Republican, Democrat, Liberal, Conservative, Progressive, Traditionalist, Christian, Jew, Muslim, Masons--wields the biggest hammer.

Good for you students of America, and shame on you educators who are too damned lazy to indoctrinate them into believing whatever popular society says to believe. Though, I readily admit that taking solace in ignorance--even when serving a good end--is probably a bad thing. Unless, of course, ignorance serves my own ends, then I am for it.

I really should be a public schools administrator.

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My favorite link that I can't read.

Sports, Crushes and the lives ruined along the way

I am suffering from writer's deluge. There is so muchI want to write about, but I can't figure out what is worth the time and what will get me published in Penthouse. I did manage to write out an application to the be the new intern for The Sports Guy, however, I am not sure that was a worthwhile exercise. When applying for a position, even one at ww.espn.com page 2, it isn't good to begin with "how I have a man-crush on you." Of course I assured Bill that it wasn't about lust, I simply found his prose to be elegant and beautiful. It went downhill from there. Odds are good, damn good, that I won't be hearing back from The Sports Guy, but maybe his attorney will be in contact with me about a restraining order. One can hope.

I don't want to be a baby's mamma

I was thinking about pregnancy, how I didn't want to get pregnant, and if it was possible to self-impregnate. I know that is unlikely for a man to impregnate himself, but one can never be too careful. As you very well know--or at least should know by reading through the archives of my blog--I am not prepared (fit) for parenthood. Therefore, I must strive to prevent a little Bob from entering the world. I concluded that Yasmin , the #1 brand of birth control, is my best bet to prevent pregnancy; if that fails, there is always the forceps-to-the-skull option.

After researching the benefits of Yasmin, I was surprised to discover that it doesn't prevent sexually transmitted disease-- HIV being the notable example. Now, I don't know about you, but my sex-ed teacher said that birth control is the cure-all and end-all to my sexual promiscuity worries. Then again, I am pretty sure I can't catch a sexually transmittable disease from myself--I consider the sores, similar as they may be, on my genital region and inside my mouth to be mere coincidence.

Just remember: The pill can prevent pregnancy, but it can't protect you from your penis falling off--oh, and it causes bloating, not to mention cervical cancer (I am not sure if I have a cervix or not).

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Dan Rather Didn't Send Me The Memo

George Walker Bush was inaugurated today. He is only the sixteenth president to participate in--or suffer through--two inaugurations. In protest of those protesting the inauguration, I decided to post my protest.

I accept the notion of free speech, even if it isn't applied equably. Point out that Christmas, a Federal Holiday, celebrates the birth of Christ and you are violating civil liberties; illustrate that young black males are more likely to commit violent crimes than elderly Korean women and you are labeled a racist. In other words, free speech only protects the speech that you agree with it--and when I say you, I mean those people who didn't vote for Bush.

However, even if my point of view is routinely trampled upon, even if my values are mocked, and even if I believe in Christ and not affirmative action, I still tolerate the speech--stupid as it may be--of others.

So, good luck with your protest and enjoy the next four years. This might not be my country, hell, the course of history--meaning the oh-so-biased academics--will probably say its yours, nonetheless; I just wanted to say: Thanks for being such gigantic douches; demonstrating that the spirit of the 1960's is dead, not to mention retarded.

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My Hero: The Fuhrer

Prince Harry: Dad, I am not satisfied with being rich, handsome and a prince. Any suggestions?

Prince Charles: Hitler seemed like a happy, satisfied and well adjusted fellow. Why not be a Neo-Nazi?

Prince Harry: Great idea! Jewish interment camps, here we come. What flavor of tea goes with genocide?

Prince Charles: I found the flavor of Darjeeling quite soothing, after having your mother killed.

Prince Harry: Oh Dad, your such a card.


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I had a good reason for killing twenty college coeds, honest!

Here is a list of mother's pet names for me:

• Bitch
• Fucking Bitch
• Fucker
• Whore
• Terrorist
• Faggot
• Faggot Bitch
• Loser
• Fat Ass
• Free Willie
• And my newest name--Embezzler

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He has a point

Little Brother: Petey (the family mutt--who, by the way, takes great delight in urinating on my discarded clothing) is worthless. He can't do anything.

Me: He can jump up onto the bed, which is pretty impressive considering his diminutive size.

Little Brother: What does diminutive mean?

Me: I think it means small, if not, well, it does now.

Little Brother: Ok. You know, Petey is half white and black.

Me: What? I don't follow.

Little Brother: Petey is half black, which means he can jump.

Me: Issy! You shouldn't say that.

Little Brother: It is true--white guys can't jump.

Me: That isn't true. There are plenty of white guys who can jump.

Little Brother: Name one.

Me: ...Well....umm...I am not the right person to ask. I would say to ask dad, but he would probably end up explaining instead how white people play basketball, while black people play jungle ball.

Little Brother: You are stupid.

Me: No argument here.

Go to Hell

Author's Note: I was shocked to learn that white men can, in fact, jump. Stefan Holm, 2004 Olympic High Jump Champion, is a living testimonial to this fact; however, he is from Sweden--which doesn't strictly count. The Swedes are a little too dark to be considered white; I think the term white with an asterisk is applicable in their case. Nonetheless, I, a gravity-bound white guy, will take what I can get.

Ha

I don't feel sorry for him. He put himself in this situation by fucking a thirteen-year-old girl.
(A friend responding to the sorry state affairs of a mutual acquaintance.)

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