Andy, Say It Ain't So...Say It Ain't So, YOU STUPID FAT FUCK
Andy Milonakis is going on thirty? If this is true--and if Wikipedia and IMDB say so, you know it has to be possibly-almost-maybe-who-knows true--then I am done. I am actually invested in Andy being an offensively stupid teenager; the world will be somehow less vibrant if it turns out he is a man-child pimping his cursed existence for fifteen minutes of fame.
However, the biggest problem might be me: I did just spend a half hour researching his condition, going over message board posts and reminiscing about how gay the Super Bowl truly is. I can accept Santa being a fag, the Easter Bunny being a polygamist and The Toot Fairy being my molester, but I cannot live in a world where Andy isn't a cherubic teenage moron. I just can't.