I am officially a dirty old man. While visiting my local Wal-Mart, I found myself in the ladies brazier and undergarment section. Low & behold while there I discovered why my immediate future involves a lengthy prison term. There was a fairly sexy pair of panties (me looking at the panties was sketchy enough) and when I looked at the tag, the brand name jumped out at me. They were for miniature women, i.e. girls, and to add salt to my soon-to-be prison bitch ass, I discovered they were by THE WONDER TWINS. these horrific discoveries lead me to ponder two possible conclusions. Either I am a sick perverted degenerate or young ladies (little girls) are wearing sexy underwear...... On the one hand looking panties in my local Wal-Mart rates as a pervert type activity; however on the other hand the underwear were pretty damn hot. Oh Jesus Christ........I am going to hell..... or at best going to be reincarnated as a zit on an elephants ass.


ummm.......well........

guess

i am going to hell

I had a great day. Woke up unable to breathe due to the pollen count, attempted to clear my throat and instead let out a wet fart. After that I took a shower and threw up phlegm for the next 25 minutes. God damn trees, bees, and fleas. (had to finish the rhyme and well...I do like rubbing up next to my dog) So, the rest of my day went equally well. Took some over the counter allergy medication, next thing I know 7 hours had passed by. If only I had Claritin in High School then I could have actually blacked out rather then block out of my memories. Well on to the post. Today I actually have a semi-reasonable issue to discuss, one that has baring on most peoples lives. In other words pay attention and take your thumb out of your significant others ass while reading today.

Here’s the deal the Supreme Court is currently reviewing the constitutionality of a law forbidding consensual sodomy, in particular a case involving two men. A Pennsylvania Senator, Rick Santorum, commented on the legal aspects of the case then stuck his proverbial foot in his mouth. I do not agree with his position, in fact there is little doubt he is a moral & political dinosaur who is completely out of touched with reality. On the other hand he has every right to take such a position without being ballyhooed and demanded to resign. Unlike many Hollywood celebrities who take political, moral and legal stands as personal crusades, Mr. Santorum's job is to comment on the laws of the land and offer his insights. He is one of the fifty most powerful men on the planet (which is scary) and he was elected to take a position, no matter how wrongheaded or hearted. I have no problem with questioning his viewpoint, and delineating where his logic fails miserable. Yet, it is totally unfair to continually ask for his resignation. If he takes enough kooky positions his constituents will vote him out, and if they don't well that is the beauties of democracy even crazy-fucks get to be represented.

On a related point those socio-political activists who are demanding Santorum's resignation should refocus their efforts on lobbying their local congressman. Anti-sodomy laws, along with quite a few other pieces of archaic legislation, should have been challenged long before now. In fact states should have taken them off the books years ago. The best way to insure this happens is not to take it to the Supreme Court, which takes years even decades, to come to a decision. Instead by writing ones congressman, presenting lucid arguments, one is able to facilitate change. In other words quit being whiney shits, and actually attempt to fix the problem.

and if you disagree (unless you are cute, single and easy)

then

go to hell

I had a fairly entertaining Saturday. First, I spent a couple hours watching people play in a video game tournament. During this time span I came to a couple remarkable conclusions. # 1 I am the type of person who finds value in watching others play video games, and # 2 I am a complete jack-ass because of reason # 1. After that I hung out with my buddy Travis. We then went to the movies with a couple more friends. On the way to the theatre I had a special moment of clarity, one that drove my thinking the rest of the night. I like women, and do in fact want to share a coital embrace with one in the very near future. As the night went on it became apparent that 14 year old girls are way too mature looking for my own good, and that I really need to get a chick. However, getting the chick is a problematic endeavor because women are evil soul-sucking whores. Now, you may question my dedication in finding a women, since it seem that I hold them in such low esteem. Yet, despite my obvious disdain for pandora box opening femi-nazis I still have an uncontrollable attraction towards them. Therefore it is necessary for me to get past my "minor issues" in order to find a young lady. That is only the first part of the solution. As I recalled past flings with bearded fat lesbian women, it dawned on me that I do not attract a very high quality type of female. I need to rectify this issue, and find a way to attract a semi-appealing member of the opposite sex. Right now my theory is I am too loud, fat and bitter whereas women want jack-ass, skinny and stupid in their love-interests. So, I need to work on being more like Ryan Seacrest and less like Cartman. Though it would be much simpler if cute (or really any girl sub 300 lbs girl with no breasts under their arms) would get past being stuck-up egocentric, sluts from the 14th layer of hell and take me as I am. Since, I am willing to get past their aforementioned negative qualities; they should in turn overlook my minor handicaps.


well I hope you enjoyed my little postulation and if not

you are probably a skank-ho

so

go to hell

I am sort of bummed out today. Reality done bitched slap me again, and left me crying on floor. What catastrophe am I referring to? TAXES. Currently I don't pay them, because I am fat and lazy. Yet, one day when I am making the big bucks (i.e. $7.50 an hour) taxes will reveal its evil head. What little motivation I have to work is completely nullified by the fact that I will be working up to and possibly including May of every fiscal year to pay off the fucking government. And, what do taxpayers get in return for their slave labor, well quite a bit actually. However, in this case quantity definitely does not equate to quality. The American government bureaucracy is so cash fat that is makes Anna Nicole Smith look like Kate Moss. Billions of dollars are spent each year to research why bovines find four brown spots more sexually appealing then 3 brown spots. Actually, I don't need to use outrageous hyperbole to demonstrate the misuse of tax dollars . I am huge proponent of the military, and realize it is one of the few services that a government should provide. But, how in the holy hell can they lose an estimated 2.3 TRILLION DOLLARS. This is not a new story, as it has been common knowledge for a couple decades that the military spends a few thousand dollars per toilet seat cover, yet at least that money is accounted for. How in the hell do you lose several trillion dollars.... And, keep this in mind the military is one of the more useful government expenditures. Imagine how much phantom money NASA or the scrotum-stretching research has blown through during the last fifty years. So, for all of those who pay taxes, I empathize with you. I never paid substantial taxes, but I did pay several thousands dollars to an evil oppressive agency that took much and gave very little. (Ex-girlfriend)

well anyway i hope you all have a great weekend,

actually scratch that,

and go to hell

Boys and girls I have an important lesson to share today. Bigotry is wrong. People should not discriminate based on racial, ethnic, religious, or sexual preference. My # 1 fan agent carrots reminded me today of the importance of toleration. The following message touched me.

#1 fan? Come on, now- I'm your only fan. In fact, I believe it would be a stretch of the imagination to refer to me as a fan at all. It's pathetic that you bask in self-pity by creating this bullshit website while you could be more productive in correcting your situation. Your lack of motivation (and the fact that you write poems- what are you, gay?!??!!) are the only reasons you find yourself in this predicament. I think you're a complete pussy, and don't have the balls to move further than your parents' yard. Why the hell do you hate everyone, anyhow? Probably because they tell it like it is.
I hope my tax dollars aren't paying for the maintenance of your broke-ass site. Put down the peanut butter and the remote control and GO GET A FUCKING JOB! I'm in complete agreement with you that the world is abundant of idiots- sadly I think you are one of them.

Awaiting your emergence from the closet,
Agent C.

As you can tell from his stirring words he takes issue with my life choices, which is fine. However, I am disappointed to see him question my sexuality. You see I know gay people, I have even had contact them with them before and you know what, I am not worthy of the title fairy. In fact I am not even gay enough to call myself fag. (Though my mom is fond of referring to me as such) You would think that in 21st century a white heterosexual male could express himself without facing the threat of bigoted reprisals. Of course this is a fleeting dream due to the abundance of whops, dagos, and slant-eyed Negros in the world. Such insensitive retards make it difficult for people like those money grubbing kikes, to live a peaceful existence. Who knows maybe one day the butt-pirates, drunken redskins, carpet eaters, wetbacks, ruskies, kraut-eaters, Oreos, wiggers, and me will live together in harmony. It takes all types, and I for one am all for a melting pot of peoples & ideas even if it does give off the stench of human excrement.

Thanks for your attention everyone,

and Agent C. I am forever grateful for exposing the evils of bigotry

even if you are a drunken leprechaun worshipping mick or bell curve deficient darkie

oh by the way

go to hell

I have decided to gain 100 lbs. You ask why? Do I intend to work out and become a muscle bound lummox? Actually I decided to gain 100 lbs in order to be the biggest glutton possible. My goal is to be so laden with lard that my very appearance will induce spasmodic fits. I have never really fully applied myself to anything before, and that is a shame. So, I figure a life dedicated to self-serving gluttony, one where I totally focus every fiber of being on food, is something I need to do. Some people feel the need to save the whales, or feed the homeless. Well, I want to combine those ideals and feed the whale as much as possible. Hopefully, my dietary freedom will lead to the promised land of loathsome excess. Keep your fingers crossed.

Currently I am watching television's answer to crack. The radical Muslims fear that "we" infidels are destroying their way of life. If the stupid bastards would wait a couple years, we will definitely take care of ourselves. Between MTV, FOX, and CSPAN there is little hope for the future generations of America.

And, with that lovely thought
i bid you adieu

go to hell

A couple days ago I mentioned my # 1 fan. Well, low and behold he/she/jack-ass has sent me another email. It is really good to know that someone cares about my work.

Hey why don't you get off your ass Robert and do something with your sorry pathetic life. I am sick of you cry baby punks who do nothing but complain about how they got screwed in life. Suck it up. And what's your problem with women from the sound of it you get no ass and then blame them for it, its not their fault you have bad breath and probably look like you had a horseshoe thrown at your head repeatedly. I will give you that you are some what articulate, you can look that up later, but sitting around and typing on this lame website about it means you have no commo sense. Get a job and get off welfare, you scum bag. Quit sucking everyone else dry. Aren't you a Republican or do you just like to act and talk like one but really at heart you love the ideas of he Democrats. I will be looking out to see that you get out of mess you call your life.

out Agent Carrots

Hopefully "Agent Carrots" will continue to be an avid reader because he/she/it is the reason why I made this website. Good to know that there are no shortage of people to hate.

as always

go to hell

It looks like the world is going to end, again. Well, between AIDS, SARS, and American Idol it is amazing any of us are still alive. And, since I am currently coughing up yellow mucus, it is about time I share my profound wisdom before baring witness to the all encompassing oblivion.

Well, first of all I want to let Virginia know that there is in fact NO SANTA CLAUS. Even his spirit was crushed under combined pressures of commercialism and self-serving apathy. Secondly, there is in fact an Easter Bunny and he did shower me with loads of fat-ass inducing candy. God love that obesity causing lagomorph. Anyway, please pay careful attention to my next point. Women, other then granny, are in fact the devil incarnate. They exist only to suck you dry financially, mentally and spiritually. Sure some do give you sex but at a price too high for most to pay ($500.00 an hour). Your best bet is to follow my example; so eat copious amounts of junk food, watch cartoons, stay unemployed & loath in self-pity. By carefully following those dictates you will have little worry about from the evil soul-sucking sea hags.

Time for blessed slumber, I hope my words have helped.

And, if not

go to hell

Women you can't live with them and you can't have heterosexual sex without them. So, what is a boy to do? Well, personally I have sworn off all women and now am only interested in bettering myself. Through intensive interpersonal exploration I will discover what is important in life, and dedicate myself to that noble end. And, if that doesn't work out I will download some porn and reassert my dominance over those damnable cyber vixens.

So, last night I started my sojourn towards personal liberation and calculated my debt to income ratio. Guess what, I have a lot more debt then income. Of course my lack of gainful employment might be a mitigating factor. God I am poor. I have nearly $25,000 in debt, and not a damn thing to show for it. I could have at least blown some of it on drugs, whores and a nice car. Well, actually I did spend a sizeable chunk on whores.....so all is not lost. Anyway, I need a way to make a lot of money, because step one for personal liberation, is too leave all my worldly debts behind. Therefore I was wondering if the three our four people who read my posts would kindly loan me several thousand dollars each. I promise to pay back, either in spiritual enlightenment or hot steamy man-ape loving. By giving me money you will start a domino effect, as I will take your kindness and share it with the world. By giving me your life savings you will help change the world. Or, at the very least provide me one night with Big Bosomed Bambi...... Remember one person can make a difference, and in this case one person giving me thousands of dollars would in fact make a huge difference.

Well I got to go sell plasma,

Oh and if by chance you decide not to give me your money,

GO TO HELL

Long time no see, you miss me? I hope you did because it hasn't been the same without you. Not having an outlet to express hate has been really tough. But rest assured I still hate you as much as ever, in far more so if that is possible. Anyway I graduated Auctioneering school last Friday. It was a very interesting experience. The average age was 45 or so, making me feel incredibly young and envious. Those bastards only have 30, maybe 40, more years to suffer. Age is wasted on the old, those dumb bastards don't realize how lucky they are to be knocking on death's door.
By the way EB GAMES SUCKS ASS. They fail to properly seal a product, and now won't let me return it....... If there is a God, then there whole fucking organization will be cursed with anal herpes and gonorrhea of the throat.

Oh, and it seems I have a fan,

Where the hell do you get off making a website about hating me. I think you can blow it out of your ass. And another thing R. Kelly has the jams. I love his "Ignition" remix song. I bet you like it to but are to afraid to say it. Your probably one of these hypocrites that talks to his friends about one thing and then write another. Are you jealous about the fact that he gets ass from young girls and tapes it while you have to watch porn and rub one out? And one more thing before I sign off, Why is it that Americans are so obsessed with hiding sex and making it so taboo? But they love violence? There is nothing wrong with sex but killing people is.

I'll be watching you
agent carrots

I dedicate this post to my # 1 reader "agent carrots" Hopefully he will suffer the same fate as those Nazi EB employees.

Until next time

go to hell