I had a shitty day but will spare you the gruesome details or maybe I won't. But my tirade has to wait as I received the greatest email today.


hi,my names marissa,im 10 years old.yor story is so sad . .im going through someting like that.i get bad grades in science and math, i have about 10 people in my faimly died.
write back soon.
i have aim my screen names are
rissap613
rissaswims613
nsscswimmer, and
xoswimmer.
thanks.


marissa


It is hard to believe but the text alone does not do the message justice. The email's background is tiled with multiple Police Department images. Obviously someone thinks it is funny to associate pedophilia with Bob.......which normally would be true however; I would never pick up a pre-pubscent girl on the internet. I prefer finding them in shopping malls and local parks.

Go to Hell

The little brother has a girlfriend. He speaks with her on the phone every night for hours at a time. Since he is only seven years old I find that to be totally unacceptable. Of course I am also extremely jealous of his "relationship". It isn't the girl herself that bothers me because I am way over dating eight year olds. In fact unless she is twelve, or at least an emotionally developed eleven, I don't even show interest.

The problem is that my kid brother has a more worthwhile life than me. He has friends, the love of his parents, and now most importantly a woman. To make matters worse I never actually spoke with a non-grandma woman on the phone until age 17. I was a god damn senior in high school before a girl called me. And she only spoke with Bob because of an interest in a friend at the time, Jasper the Friendly Joke.

Even when I think that this is as low as it gets, my life manages to degenerate further. I would like to think it could only get better but we all know it is only going to get worse.


Go to Hell

A friend from college quit his job last week. I am so very glad. The success of Bob's collegiate associates makes him unhappy. He prefers it when they are unemployed and practicing self-destructive behavior.

This post is dedicated to you Jeweisen. Hopefully the balding geologist will soon follow your lead and take his rightful place in the unemployment line.

Then all will be right with the world.


Go to Hell

Dear stupid dyke bitch who masquerades as a meter maid,

I hope you die. I know that being born stupid, ugly and without a penis was terribly unfair but it is not my problem. You give me parking tickets when I don't deserve them, and even when I do you pick my car out of a row of several dozen to check and ignore the rest. Lesbian kind should disown you, since you are such an ugly bitch, but if they won't I will. As an ambassador of human-kind I hereby declare you no longer worthy of the title "human" therefore anyone who wishes to run you over, and over and over, is allowed and encouraged to do so.

Best Wishes You Stupid Cunt,

The guy whom you gave a $5.00 ticket

I have a feeling she won't stay retired for long. Radioactive mutant lizards tend to crave wanton destruction, something that is in short supply at most retirement facilities. Well unless you count fried chicken night, which often does lead to destroyed villages and ruptured power plants.

Lord of the Rings dominated last night and was easily the highlight of an otherwise boring Oscar Awards Show. I think Return of the King was the weakest in the trilogy but really the eleven Oscars it received were for the collective genius of the three films. Voting, with a trilogy in mind, is unfair to the other nominated films however; fairness is thrown out the window when The Lord of the Rings has grossed well over two billion dollars worldwide. Even that golden hued bald bastard has to recognize greatness on such a colossal scale.

Speaking of blockbuster films The Passion of the Christ had a pretty fair opening. I really don't want to see this film for a variety of reasons, none of which have to do with religion. I absolutely abhor subtitles, unless crazy White Coyto Dragon Tail kung fu action is involved, and even then I typically prefer watching the movie with poorly synched English voiceovers. Also, Bob finds graphic violence, which is rooted in reality, to be disturbing and off-putting. Odds are I will overcome these issues and watch the film this week or early next.


I am starting a diet today, well actually tonight, since I slept through the lion share of the day. Anyway, I had a revelation of sorts this weekend concerning my appearance. It doesn't matter what other people, in particular women, think about my looks because there is little I can change about them. If I am ugly, so be it and if I am not, great. Whether I am fat, skinny or somewhere in-between my outward appearance stays fairly constant.

Nonetheless there is a point where too much is too much. I need to lose weight for health reasons. In the past I lost weight for the wrongs reasons; to avoid criminal prosecution, to impress a girl, even once to make my penis look bigger. Wish me luck with the weight loss, or not since some of you are envious fucks who want to see Bob suffer, and know that no matter how much I weigh that Bob is better than you.

By way go to my other blog as I will once again attempt a daily diet journal.

Go to Hell

This blog has existed for over a year now. It started exactly one year and two days ago. A lot has happened in that time. I gained fifty pounds and masturbated over one-thousand times. Well ok not much has occurred unless you count each individual period of "personal" time as a separate occurrence then you would probably classify me as pretty busy. Either that or extremely pathetic and really aren't they the same thing? Regardless you can rest assured that I still hate each and everyone of you very much and will continue my daily prayers to Mara in hopes that your lives turn to shit and are left in shambles.


And if Buddha's cosmic rival doesn't manage to ruin your life, rest assured some dirty Mexicans probably will.



Go to Hell

I contacted Mensa several days ago in order to ascertain how one joins their esteemed organization. It seems that a score in the 98th percentile on any of several dozen standardized tests is required, oh and you have to pay them $25.00. Hmmmm.... So I have to pay them to be part of the genius club. That does not seem to smart to me. If someone’s intelligence is in the upper 2% echelon they don't need a little Mensa card to make them feel smart. Of course I am an egotistical son of a bitch, who completely lacks any common sense, so I am considering anteing up the money.

However, in my case I have never taken any of their accepted tests so I would also have to pay an extra $35.00 to take the test, then score in the top two percent and finally send them a check for $25.00. Sounds like a lot of work, and money for someone who is unemployed but the potential ego boost far outweighs the negative. Then again the entire application process may just be one elaborate test to weed out anyone foolish to pay them money. Boy that would suck.

Go to Hell

I talk to myself way too much. The occasional mumble, or even a rhetorical question or two is fine but having full blown socio-economic discussions with yourself is unacceptable. I need to leave the trailer and engage in human interaction but that is so much work. My parents refuse to speak with me for more then five minutes. I did try to have an engaging conversation with my little brother but he felt my position on partial-birth abortion was wrong and proceeded to punch me in the nuts.

I didn't really think verbalizing my internal debate was much a of problem until the other day. I was questioning the value of relationships, specifically wondering the worth of sexual activity, when I blurted out that "Bob needs a blowjob." As luck would have it, two middle age gentlemen stepped out of a restaurant in front of me at that exact moment. I sighed in relief when neither offered to give me one.

Go to Hell

I cleaned out the basement in the building next to my dad's store. We might make a
couple dollars selling the stuff, which can be used to replace my fucking hip. I am in
excruciating pain and am unable to put weight on my left leg. Due to my gross obesity it is unwise to distribute my massive girth on the right leg, as it very well may buckle underneath me.

Overweight men, with one good leg, are very similar to the elderly because after toppling over all we are able to do is croak out "help me I can't get up" and vainly crawl to a nearby phone.

Go to Hell